I have been taking a long over due break from writing on this blog and it is now time for me to start over. Since I first began writing on these pages the world has been spinning at a speed that at times makes me want to jump off. It is hard to imagine what life would be like if we could just take a long break from everything and collect our own thoughts and connect with our own feelings without the input of outside influences. I am not certain it is even possible anymore though I am sure many have tried.

I have been feeling quite isolated in some ways and in other ways thinking I am so well connected what is this feeling of isolation really about. It comes down to being disconnected from myself. Where did the break happen and how, where do I find that lost part of me that is floating off in the ethers somewhere. Prayer and meditation help. Writing of course connects me to myself in ways I have discovered over the years is part of finding my authentic voice. What I am learning now, though, is that writing is not enough. I must use my actual voice to tell my story. Somehow forming the words in my mouth, saying them out loud, to people who are receptive to what I have to say, brings me such joy. As I look across at the person or people who are listening to me I feel a sense of true connection that is both mesmerizing and grounding. The Spirit in me touches the Spirit in them and we truly see each other. The connection is experienced in a way that is unique to each individual.

Carl Jung said we were all mirrors to each other and when we look into another’s eyes we are really seeing ourselves — the parts we love and the parts we hold with distain. I also heard a phrase the other day at meeting I was attending. One of the members said “Be the Lighthouse not the Tugboat”. Somehow, that phrase stuck with me and left me wondering when and how am I a lighthouse and when and how am I being a tugboat. What is it that I am tugging along behind me. Is it a boat full of people who I can’t let go of or ideas that I just hold onto because they have always been with me and even though they don’t serve my highest good anymore I still use my precious energy to keep them afloat. For example, when someone is being mean or super critical of someone I know my first instinct is to defend that individual especially if they are not there to defend themself. Who am I to be the champion of the underdog? Maybe the super critical one knows something I don’t. What I am learning to do is be the lighthouse and shine compassion on both the people involved. Having compassion for someone who is so hypercritical can be very hard, much harder than having compassion for the one being criticized. Either way the choice is mine. I can real with righteous indignation and wind myself up into a frenzy or step back and soften the response with one of kindness and compassion. This is just one very small example of how easy it is to be a tug boat and not even realize what you are pulling behind you.