There is a song we used to sing when I was a child. Maybe you remember it. ”My eyes are dim I cannot see I have not got my specs with me…..” That song has been playing in my head for weeks now because I literally could not see and it was beginning to get on my nerves. 

Eye Surgery

At the end of last year I had a routine surgery to remove cataracts from my eyes. It was suppose to help me see better and also reduce the pressure in my eyes that could eventually lead to blindness. The recovery period took much longer than I anticipated.  Waiting until my eyes were ready to be tested for new glasses was difficult. Living without my glasses made me realize how much we depend on visual cues to communicate with one another. Being in a world that was blurry all the time affected my brain function. It was very disorienting and also unsettling. I was concerned that I was in the early stages of dementia. I had a hard time processing information and remembering even the simplest things. The truth is my brain was in overwhelm and needed time to adjust. I was disoriented and felt uncomfortable going out and walking on my own. My depth perception was compromised to the point that I could not properly see the sidewalk beneath my feet. All this was a big surprise to me and left me feeling very vulnerable.

Individual Experiences

Years of experience living with a hearing impairment has taught me that the brain compensates when the information receptors are challenged in some way. So why was I surprised when my brain was confused after my eye surgery? That is a very good question and one I am still living with. The easy answer is I was not prepared for the adjustment. This experience has reminded me that everyone’s body is unique and one person’s experience may not be our own. My friends who had had the surgery already told me they could see better than they had for years and even though they needed reading glasses the distance vision was very much improved. No-one talked about the adjustment period immediately following the surgery though. Only after I had the operation did others start to tell me about the challenges they had. It is interesting what we choose to recall and what we put aside for whatever reason.

When I finally got my new glasses two months after the surgery, it took two weeks for my brain to adjust to the lenses and focus clearly. Now I can see and my vision is much improved. That is a big relief. All this to say it was a process that required me to be patient and understanding of how hard my body works to serve me. I am so grateful to be able to see more clearly and to feel more confident again with my ability to get around easily on my own.

Compassion and Living with an Aging Body

I wonder how many others have had experiences with their aging body that have left them questioning whether they would fully recover. I have been living on my own for more than twenty five years and as I now approach my seventieth birthday I am considering more and more the physical challenges that I live with on a daily basis. It brings me back full circle to the importance of compassion. No matter how old we are or how physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually fit we are there are things we experience that can break us wide open and leave us feeling alone and vulnerable even when we are surrounded by people who love and care for us. Self compassion is so important.

I have been very judgmental of myself this past week as I see the ways I have left things unattended because I just needed to take a break from all the maintenance of everyday life. I compared myself to others who are so good at getting on with things and keep their personal “house” in order. I would rather be sitting here writing to all of you than doing my dishes. hahaha Still I appreciate a clean kitchen and an orderly home so I will sign off for now and get on with the routine maintenance. Thanks for listening and being part of this journey of life we share.

Here is to a new song…..”I can see clearly now the rain is gone….” May we all wrap ourselves in a blanket of compassion for all that we are doing to simply live.