Author: Beth

I was born and raised in Canada in the city of Toronto. I have lived in different parts of the country during my adult life and love being a Canadian. My philosophy of life is to be kind and generous and to thine own self be true. I have a great many interests including reading, writing, art, cooking, watching movies, theatre, music. I have a life centred around my Spirituality that is based in a heart centred faith of trusting we are all connected to one another and all of creation while part of the greater whole that is everlasting life itself.

Finding Peace Amid Chaos: A Personal Reflection

At the end of October or beginning of November, I can’t quite remember, I retreated from the world. I needed time to be quiet and find the stillness within me. I needed to be peaceful and focus my attention on what my heart was telling me. My mind is always busy thinking about my family, friends and events in the world. I do my best to live in gratitude and to be kind, still I am human. I can have moments of frustration and deep and abiding anger at what I see and hear about what is happening around the world these days. Even in the lovely seniors apartment building where I live I hear about in fighting among the residents. They complain about the silliest things instead of feeling grateful for all we are given here. So I needed to take a break from it all.

It has been a deeply personal time of reflection and contemplation. Doing my best to stay in the present moment. I go to bed every night with love in my heart giving thanks for all the many ways I am graced with a good life. I wake up in the morning grateful for a new day to begin again. We can only live one day at a time so that is what I have been practicing. Being a deeply spiritual person I find hope, peace, joy and love in so many places. At the same time, I experience the crushing blow of violence in and around each of us as we walk in this world that is full of despair and misery.

I have to be honest with you all. I have been deeply affected by the story of Michele and Rob Reiner’s death this week. It weighs heavy on my heart. Not because they were celebrities because they were honest, kind and loving human beings who walked in this world bringing a message of hope to all who needed to hear it. Still they were met with a violent death at the hands of a son who they loved and tried tirelessly to help. This is not just their story. It is the story of humanity. It is how we are hurting and killing each other every day without even realizing it, because we can not see past the dark side of our humanity and into the light of Love from which we are all born.

In the quiet of my own home and in the stillness of my heart I pray every day for the people of the world who are painfully unaware of how their thoughts and feelings are impacting all of humanity. We are all connected. I truly believe and trust in that knowing. I can not love my neighbour without also loving my enemy. I can only love myself when I am able to accept with grace the Love that comes to and through me from my higher power. That is the light that shines in the darkness. That is the light that comes to us each year at this time. The longest and darkest day of the year is coming up very soon. Then the light will begin to return. We are all called to carry that light within us and shine it in the world wherever we are and in whatever we do.

This year I have had a different experience of what it means for me to be celebrating the season of Advent and soon Christmas as a Christian. I have been reflecting on the story of the nativity. The story of travelling toward the moment and place where Love and innocence are born into the world at a time of great upheaval. I have also been reviewing the events reported about the life of Jesus as he lived the human experience. In these stories I have seen my own story reflected. I have seen the story of what it means to be both human and holy. I see how we are called to stand up and challenge those dark forces that no longer carry the light of Love. When I hear and read stories of violence and overpowering condemnation, I find myself falling on my knees in prayer. Help me see through the darkness, I pray. Help me see through to the light of each human being who has been crushed and traumatized to the point that they can no longer experience anything but hatred, pain and a need to violate all that is good in this world. Then I pray for every soul on this beautiful Earth. I pray for the Peace that passes all understanding. I pray that Love surrounds us all and brings hope where it is most needed. I pray that everyone’s heart is opened to receive the gift that is theirs to receive.

So dear reader, whether you celebrate the season of Christmas or take time to reflect on whatever this time of year means for you, may you find what you are looking for. May you experience the gift of Love in its many forms. May you know Peace in your heart trusting in the Light to guide you along life’s path in the coming year. May all be well in your world. Many blessings to you.

Posted on by Beth 4

Finding Joy in Quiet Moments

It seems the world is spinning faster and faster every day. Chaos reigns all over. Yet in the quiet of a regular day I can feel the joy that is also there. There is hope everywhere when you are open to seeing and feeling it. Even if you are not looking when you become still and listen you can hear the birds chirping. They are telling us of a new world order that is coming our way. In fact it is already here. We just can’t see it yet.

I have been feeling the need to withdraw into myself for a while now. It takes great effort for me to engage with people these days. I have a hard time coming up with topics of conversation. So I often sit quietly and ask questions so others can share what is on their mind. I love to listen and hear their stories. It inspires me and keeps me connected. At the same time, what they share gives me more to consider in my own life. My heart reaches out to them and we connect Soul to Soul.

What is this need to withdraw and be quiet all about anyway? I am not sure exactly. I just know that I am much more relaxed and content in my life right now. I am comfortable in my own skin and enjoy my own company. It has taken a while to reconnect to this sense of belonging I so needed. To be part of something greater than myself again. It is bigger than the world outside my door. It is a sense of being a conduit of peace and kindness. It is of love and compassion. This feeling comes from a source that is more powerful and more genuine than I can describe in words.

For weeks I have felt lost in the wilderness. I did not know how to connect. I was longing for a sign or feeling a hand reaching out for me. I crawled into my bed and slept away the hours that felt empty and without purpose. Then in my dreams, a still small voice spoke inside me. During my quiet time, it gave me reassurance. I am not alone. I live in a world filled with love. People who genuinely care about one another surround me. They also care for the Earth.

At church this week I was sitting quietly waiting for the service to start. The music director, who I genuinely love as a kindred spirit, came over to me unexpectedly. He bent down and gave me a warm heartfelt hug. I can’t tell you what a gift that was to feel his arms around me even for a few seconds. I felt the presence of God in that moment. Something opened inside me that had been closed off. I listened intently to words of the songs being sung. I watched the choir as their faces lit up when they sang. I listened intently to the scripture readings and the prayers that were shared. Every word landed on my heart and brought me joy. The sermon stirred in me images of Truth and Reconciliation with the people who first inhabited this land. I felt sad for and with them. Still there was hope in the message. There were references to ways we can make peace with the past. By the end of the service, I felt myself emerging from the dark shadows where I had been dwelling.

I was reminded about all the people in my life who I care about and who care about me. It was a time of Truth and Reconciliation for me. I came to understand how often I forget to make that conscious decision to be quiet and still. Even just a few minutes of stillness is important. It is in the stillness that I find the truth of my well being.

I am happy to say that I am finding Joy in my life again. I am looking through a clearer lens than ever before. My spiritual home is where I live joyfully for each day is a new beginning. For now, as an Earth Dweller, I seek a new way. I want to experience fully what is in my every day. I want to find my way along life’s path to the beauty that surrounds me. 


I wish the same for you dear reader. What brings you joy? Where do you connect with the Still Small Voice in you? How do you walk upon the Earth with Love in your Heart?




Posted on by Beth 0

Finding Beauty in Autumn: Life Lessons from Nature

It has been a while since I have written anything here and now Autumn is upon us. We had a very long and often hot summer. I was surrounded by luscious green lawns and beautiful gardens filled with rich colours that made my heart sing.

Now I am watching the life force in the plants slowly return to the Earth. Leaves are turning colour and gently falling to the ground. Orchards are filled with people picking fruits from the trees. Farmers are harvesting corn, squash and pumpkins from the fields. Those who love to can and preserve are making chili sauce and various jams and jellies. The farmer’s markets are loaded with fresh produce from their fields and gardens. Those of us who live in small apartments gain from the bounty of their harvest. There is nothing like a pan of fresh roasted vegetables to warm the heart and soul.

I spent a good deal of my time alone this summer and took the opportunity to do a life review. Looking not just to the past or out into the future but at the here and now. Where am I now? Where are we all at this moment in time. I am in the autumn of my life. What does that mean exactly? To me it means capturing the life force within me. Finding the fruits of my own labours. I am sharing what I have discovered over the years. I pay close attention to the lessons learned from poor choices made along the way. No one gets through life without a few hard knocks now and then. Still what I know for sure is my life is full of examples of Love leading the way.

I have always been a peace maker/keeper at heart. I lead with my heart and speak sincerely from what I know to be true for me. I have lived with a hearing impairment for over fifty years. I have also learned to listen with my whole self, not just my ears. I pay attention to body language, physical surroundings and follow my intuition when it gives a clear message. I also use my head to carefully analyze a situation when required before making any decisions or comments. The last piece of advice my mother gave me before she left this world was “Follow your heart.” But she also said, “Don’t lose your head!” She always thought I was too soft. She believed I was wishy washy and sat on the fence. She advised that I should state my opinion strongly like she always did. Her favourite saying was “I mean what I say and say what I mean!” Sometimes what she had to say was mean and still she stood by it. Mostly, though she was right more often than not.

Still for me, I see great value in seeing all sides of a story. Finding the common ground is important before expressing an opinion. My style of leadership is to listen twice as much as I speak. If I don’t have anything to say that will add to the conversation then I just listen until I do. This is particularly true now that I am living in the autumn of my life.

The beauty of autumn is that all the rich green of new life matures. It becomes vibrant colours of brown, orange, yellow and red. Eventually, it joins the Earth to break down and enrich the soil with its nutrients. This becomes fodder for micro organisms that work to break it down so that new life will emerge from it.

Our life experience becomes the nutrients that make up the wisdom of our elder years. We need to live long enough for it to build up. It must then be broken down into micro organisms of thoughts and knowledge. I am just now starting to glean the wisdom of my years of life experience. I see the beauty in living a long life. It allows me to understand what I have been through. I also see what I learned from it. Now is the time to nurture that and also to share it with others. That is why I write and tell stories. I offer what I can when I can. This happens when I am in conversation with family, friends, and others I meet along the way.

This is a wonderful time of year and time of life. It is not about losing life force energy. It is about the life force being transformed into a new form of life. This new form lives on in all its richness.

Posted on by Beth 3

Summer Harvest Memories: From Garden to Table

There are two songs that ring in my head when I say the word summer. The first song is “Summertime and the livin is easy”, the other one is “We’re have’n a heatwave…a tropical heatwave!” I usually sing both these lines together and it works. They describe perfectly what summer in southern Ontario has been this year. It is a long time since I can recall having such a long hot summer. For those of us who are not our best in the heat it has been somewhat challenging. Still it has also been delightful for those who enjoy being outside on hot, sunny days. I must say I have avoided going out in the mid day just to avoid the heat. Still the early mornings and evenings are most often delightfully pleasant to be out and about. I only head out in mid day when I have to. It has been great beach and cottage weather for those who are fortunate to travel to both.

Time to Relax

What I love most about summer is the relaxed paced of strolling through my days. I have fewer commitments and more time to simply muse. I like to sleep in and linger over my morning coffee. I consider the simple things of life that can be overlooked when I get busy. I love to spend long hours reading a good novel! I leave the non-fiction for another time when I want to dig deeper.

Eating Local Produce

Now that summer is half over we are making our way through August. I find myself grateful for the summer harvest. There is nothing like a fresh ripe peach or the taste of a tomato right off the vine. I remember when I lived in the country and had a vegetable patch in our backyard. First the beans ripened. My then two year old daughter sat between the rows with a bowl between her legs. She helped pick the beans and also ate them. After the beans came the tomatoes. The first year I planted the garden I had no idea what I was doing. I planted twenty-two tomato plants. My neighbour laughed. I discovered later why. I had bushels of tomatoes that all seemed to ripen at once. I learned how to make and can everything tomato. I had shelves of chili sauce, spaghetti sauce, stewed tomatoes, and tomato juice! What I learned later is that sometimes canned tomatoes explode.

One day in the fall while making dinner upstairs in the kitchen I heard a crash downstairs. I went down to investigate and found two jars of exploded tomatoes all over the fruit cellar! I consulted with my neighbour who was experienced in canning. She explained to me that the seal was not tight and the tomatoes fermented. Needless to say I only planted 4 tomato plants the next year. We ate them fresh. No more canning for me.

Corn season has started here and the farmer’s markets are busy. Sadly, I must avoid the corn as my body can no longer digest it. I love the flavour of corn on the cob dripping with butter. Again, this is a memory of the past. Now is also the season for fresh dug new potatoes. Oh how love them. This time of year I am so blessed to savour the flavours of local produce. I love that the food I eat is grown in the soil close to where I live.

Choosing the Food We Eat All Year Round

We have all become so used to eating fruits and vegetable grown far away and transported into our community. I wonder what it would be like to only eat foods that are native to our own locale. I guess that is what the 100 mile diet is all about. What do you think dear reader? Do like to eat tropical foods from far off lands? Or do you like to eat local? I think I am more local though I do love tropical fruits like pineapple, oranges, lemons and limes. I also like vegetables that come in the winter like leafy greens that are grown in greenhouses.

There are so many choices now. We live in multicultural communities. The food offered in our local grocery stores and markets include a variety of fruits and vegetables. The foods are geared to so many different cuisines. We can choose whatever suits our pallet.

Gratitude and Privilege

We are so fortunate and privileged to have the choices we do. Sadly there are so many around the world who go to bed hungry every night or are malnourished. Knowing that is hard for me. Still I want to be grateful for our harvest bounty. Let’s take time to give thanks and remember how graced we are.

Posted on by Beth 0

The Joys of Pet Sitting: Learning from Furry Friends

I am a pet sitter. When my friends go away I to go to their house and stay with their pets. I love both cats and dogs. I choose not to have one of my own for various reasons. So having the opportunity to spend time with other people’s pets is a real treat for me.

Feline Friends

Someone asked me recently what have you learned from the cats you stay with? It was a really good question that I had to think about for a while. Both places where I cat sit have two cats so it is fun watching them interact. One house there is a brother and sister who are about 7 years old. The other house has two sisters who just turned one. I have been watching them all since they were tiny kittens.

What I have observed is there are two activities that their lives revolve around — eating and sleeping. Meal time is a ritual . First they let me know it is time to eat by circling around their bowls or around my feet. Second, they jump at my feet while I dish out their food. Finally I put the bowls down and watch them gobble it up. Once that ritual is completed it is time to find a comfy spot to curl up for a nap.

Sometimes they curl up together which always looks cozy. Other times they find their own favourite spots. Either way they are always together during the day checking in on each other.

Entertaining the Cats

In between eating and sleeping is play time. Sometimes they play with each other and sometimes with a bug or fly that happens to be around. The two younger ones like to sit at the glass patio door and watch the squirrels and chipmunks go by. There are various cat toys that they all like to engage with from time to time. They love to chase the laser light around the room. They also love to jump and try to catch the feather on the end of the stick.

Still eating and napping seems to be their favoured activity. So what does that teach me? Well the truth is I am a pro at napping. I love to curl up in the afternoon and have my own version of cat napping. I also love mealtime especially when someone else prepares it and serves it to me.

Squirrel TV

Canine Friends

My dogie friend has different rituals. She greets me at the door with an expectant look on her face. I go to her treat drawer and pull out a small treat for her. She comes and takes it from my hand right away. From that moment on we are bonded.

She likes to eat at night after I go to bed. I put the food out for her in the morning. She will nibble for a short time then leave it. When I get up in the morning though the food is all gone. She is teaching me to only eat when you are hungry and grazing can be a good way to go.

Throughout the day we go for walks and check out the neighbourhood. Sometimes we meet up with neighbours. No matter how many times we make the same walk there is always something new to smell or look at. The landscape does not change for us but it does for dogs.

When it comes to napping she likes to curl up with me on the couch. At night once I am in bed, she jumps up and curls up behind my legs. She is so cozy and cuddly. I love the feel of close by.

What I have learned from her is be as active as you feel like being. Get out for walks several times a day. Play with your toys and make sure you connect with your people from time to time.

I have also learned that cuddling and staying close to one another is a way of staying in touch, literally. Spend time observing the world around you. Respond if you want to or feel the need to alert others of possible intrusion. My dogie friend only barks when there is someone at the door. The rest of the time she just quietly goes about her business.

Being a pet sitter is a privilege that I am very grateful for. Animals are wonderful companions and they each have their own unique personalities. They are loyal in their own particular way and offer much to learn from if you pay close enough attention. I get along well with my feline and canine companions and always look forward to spending time with them.

So in conclusion, what our pets teach us is find joy in eating every day. Create comfy spaces to take naps. Keep your people close to you. Make sure you get out and walk your neighbourhood several times a day.

I would love to hear your stories of being with pets and what you have learned from them.

Posted on by Beth 2

TURNING THE PAGE – Starting a New Chapter

For the past month or so I have felt lost on my life path. As I look ahead I notice there is a bend in the road and I can’t see beyond it. This is not unusual. It has happened many times in my life. Every time, it turns out there is something waiting for me. It is either something I was not expecting or not prepared for. Still, I met each situation with courage and adapted to the changes in ways that surprised even me.

This time though I am more curious than worried about what lies ahead.  I know it may have something to do with a course I am preparing to take in the fall.  At the same time, I am reckoning that there is something else that I am going to face.  It may be related to my physical or mental health. Or, it could be something external to myself.  These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about myself. This focus has become problematic. It has made me more insular.  I am always healthier and stronger when I consider other people. I focus on their circumstances. I think about how I might be of help to them. I use my own life experience as a guidepost.  When living alone, you must be consciously aware of your own circumstances. You are responsible for doing everything.

Family

Recently, I have been working through some very deep feelings. These feelings are associated with family of origin patterns. They continue to play out in my own family.  I raised two children to be strong, independent, and self-reliant people. They know how to make friends and be a good friend.  When I stand back, I see my adult children now. They have successfully grown to be adults who do just that.  I am proud of them for all they have accomplished and continue to do in their lives.  They both have children who I love and adore and I am very grateful to be their Nana.  That being said we are a very small family.  We get together periodically for family events or special holidays.   Mostly we live independently though.   My son moved away from home 30 years ago. He has been living on the other side of the ocean for close to 20 years to follow his career.  His children live there too. I only get to see them via FACETIME when both of our schedules and time zones line up.

My daughter and her family recently moved to a small community just outside of the city where I currently live.  I have spent the most time with my youngest grandson over the past 4 years. He will be starting school in the fall. This means he will not be coming to see Nana during the week any more.  We are all growing older and life is changing.  

Living On My Own

I currently live in a small one room studio in a seniors apartment complex with rent geared to income.  It serves me well. I have easy access to public transportation and a plaza that is just a few minutes walk away.  Living alone means I set my own schedule. I plan my own outings according to how I am feeling from day to day.

I do not see a move in my future anytime soon.  I have landed exactly where I am meant to be just as my children have.  I am like my children. I am independent, self-sufficient, and capable of living a full and meaningful life on my own. I have good friends nearby.   

Listening with My Heart

Right now I feel I am starting a new chapter in my life.  I am turning the page.   I have been very focused on my role as grandmother and that will remain an important part of my life.  I sense that going forward I will be less up close and personal. I will be more in the background, watching them from afar.  I see myself offering what I can when I can. I aim to be a role model for them to look to for guidance. I want to show how to live happily regardless of life’s offerings. Age doesn’t matter in this pursuit.

So what is it that I am seeing and feeling in my heart of hearts right now?  Where do I look for meaning and support?  My spiritual life has been a bit shallow as of late.  I go to church every Sunday and enjoy the services. Seeing the people, many of whom are dear friends, gives me much to be thankful for.  I hear God calling from a distance like an echo in the deep valley surrounded by mountains.   Sometimes I am in the valley. Sometimes I am on the mountainside. Other times, I am an eagle soaring above it all and I just want to fly off into the sunset.

I pray for clarity and guidance. I trust that whatever shows up, I will have the wherewithal to be fully present to what is.  I have seventy one years of life experience.  I am not sure how much longer I have on this Earth in this human suit.  I have a sense that the time for my passing is coming sooner than later. I want to make sure that I have touched all that I came here to touch.  I want to leave a trail of love. I hope this trail will be seen and felt long after I am gone.  

Finding Yourself on a Spiritual Path

So how do I do that?  Who is it I am being called to be and what do I do right now? What is happening in the present? Am I to lead from afar or up close and personal?  Who needs my gifts and where am I to share them?  The world needs compassion and kindness. I could spend all my time telling stories related to both.  Or I could simply listen and be present while others tell their stories and offer them kindness and compassion.  Maybe it requires a bit of both.  

There are so many ways that one can be of service. I choose to be a conduit of LOVE in this world.  Maybe I am thinking too much and not listening to my own heart and soul enough. Maybe I already know where and when to take the next step.  

What I have experienced of late is this.  Just when I feel strong enough to go out into the world and offer my gifts, my body intervenes. It says, “Hold on and take more time out.”  My energy shifts and moves from inside to outside and then back again.  Sometimes when I go out into the world, my empathetic self gets so overwhelmed. I just want to curl up in a ball on my bed and be alone with God.

That is when I pray for more assistance and guidance.  I can’t do it by myself.  I need support and a community to work within. I want to share not just my gifts but also the doubts and concerns I have.  We all could benefit from a soul companion or even a group of soul companions.  

Soul Companions

I have made many dear friends over the years. When I have moved, I kept in touch with most of them.  We are all scattered across the country and some even out of the country.  Thanks to technology we stay in touch with one another and share what is most meaningful.  When I moved from the west coast back to Ontario, I had to start making new friends. I needed to establish myself in a new community.  I was living closer to my daughter. Still, I wanted friends who were like-hearted. I also sought friends who were like-minded and close to my own age. So that has been the focus for the past six years.   It takes time and intention to build a circle of friends who you feel a deep connection with.  It comes with shared experiences and common knowledge of the world around us.  It is a process of opening up and sharing and being vulnerable.

Just after I moved in 2019, the COVID epidemic took hold. I spent a great deal of time at home in my room alone. I read, wrote, and connected with old friends online.  Fortunately,  my daughter and her family were in my bubble and I was able to visit with them quite regularly.  Time has passed now. We have all moved along. We desire to reach out and be present in the world.  Everything is changing and we are changing with it.

This is a good time to pay attention. Go out for a walk. Talk to people passing by. Call friends and invite them for a coffee. Invite a new friend for dinner or an old friend for tea. It is about connecting on many different levels with the world around us. That is how we will find our way together and bring our love into the world. Be loving, kind and compassionate and Love will find you wherever you are. Thanks for being here and spending time reading this. Your presence is felt wherever you are. Peace be with you!

Posted on by Beth 2

Finding Peace in Quiet Summer Days

The summer is well underway and life is very quiet for me these days.  What I mean by that is there is not much I feel like doing.  I am taking the summer “off”. I spend hours scrolling on my phone or IPAD.  It is a constant companion as I train my brain with word games, online card games and connecting with “friends” on Facebook.  I have been considering giving it all up for the summer and just being quiet with no technical distractions.  Then I question whether I can actually do it.  It has become such a strong habit that I wonder if it would qualify as an addiction.  Or is it just how I companion myself?

The truth is summers have always been quiet for me ever since I can remember.  I spent a lot of time on my own feeling bored when I was young. My friends were often away at family cottages or on family road trips while my family stayed home.  One summer I worked as a Mother’s Helper and went to their cottage with them.  As a teenager I got a summer job working at the Canadian National Exhibition (CNE) in Toronto for two weeks at the end of August till Labour Day.  I worked at a booth in the Better Living Building for a company called GH Wood where they displayed a million dollars in cash.  They were actually a company that made and sold cleaning products which is why they were in the Better Living building.  It was a boring job just standing there in some silly costume for six hours at a time but it gave me pocket money which I enjoyed having.  I had fun talking with the security guards who were there to protect the money.

For a few years in my early teens, my family rented a cottage in Sudbury Ontario for the summer.  Who goes to Sudbury for the summer?  Nobody I knew.  It was ok I guess as I did make some friends there and we got to go water skiing and surfboarding when our friends Stella and Jack came to visit with their boat.

The truth is I always had very little energy to do much in the summer especially when it was hot out.  That didn’t change as I got older.  In fact, it actually got worse.   As I aged I felt less and less like doing much of anything in the summer.  I have accepted that and have learned to enjoy it.  

What I love doing now is to watch baseball on TV.  The Toronto Blue Jays are like family to me.  I watch them and cheer them on as if they were all my sons.  It seems crazy to me that I enjoy the game so much still they are good company for me on a very quiet Sunday afternoon.

I sometimes feel sad and lonely on weekends, especially Sundays because I have always thought of it as family day.  Growing up I spent Sunday afternoons with my family and watching golf on TV with my dad. That is if I wasn’t having a nap.   Mom always made a good Sunday supper and we all gathered around the table together sometimes with special guests joining us.  In the summer dad would always barbecue. 

The hard part now is there is no one to remember those stories with or tell them too.  My sister who lives miles away is often busy with her family on Sundays and my kids have their own lives to live. Writing the stories is not the same as telling them around the dinner table, still I am doing my best to write them down.

When I was married Sunday was a work day.  My husband, a minister, would work in the morning and then often sleep on the sofa in afternoon. If he had people he had to visit in hospital, then he would head out.  I tried to get in the habit of making a good Sunday supper like my mom did.  Still I was on my own a lot with the kids, unless they were out playing with their friends, then I was just on my own. I didn’t always want to cook a big dinner.  It was a lonely time for me during those days when we lived far away from family.  When we moved back to our home town my in-laws often hosted Sunday suppers and it was a command performance for all the kids.  We were expected to show up and dress up.  My mother in law said if she was going to go to the trouble of making a nice dinner and setting a nice table then we could put some effort into dressing for the occasion — Sunday best.  Summer time was considered dress casual.

I now no longer plan things for after church on Sunday.  In fact, I enjoy that quiet time where I can read and perhaps even enjoy an afternoon nap.  Sunday suppers are no longer big meals unless I am invited out.  It is more like grazing all afternoon while watching baseball.  I wonder how many others who are older like me take a break from cooking on Sunday?

Being quiet by myself with time on my own in the summer is something I am practising and getting comfortable with.  There are days I simply let the time pass without really accomplishing much and that is ok because being present to what is in my day to day living gives me a sense of purpose. I am so grateful for all that I have. I am happy to have a lovely home to be in. I am thankful for a healthy body and for all the times I do spend with my family either in person or on the phone. I feel lonely and bored sometimes and that is ok too. I can change that anytime I choose to. I appreciate that the connection and love I have with my family and friends is much more than so many people have.

I have learned to make peace with loneliness by spending time quietly on my own. I enjoy my own company and the tranquility of these restful summer days. Being bored is just another way of saying I want to engage more with life. Figuring out how to do that is my Spiritual work. Is summer a busy time for you or are you taking time out from your busy lives to be quiet and rest?

Posted on by Beth 1

I Love Sticks

A few days ago I was out for a walk with my now four year old grandson.  As we were walking I noticed he would stop and pick up a stick and sometimes a stone or two.  When you are that much closer to the ground you notice these things and being a curious four year old he wanted to examine them more closely.  I never know what is going to intrigue him on our walks.  I just know to be prepared to stop and wait for his little body and mind to investigate what he is observing.

On this particular day we decided to walk over to the park near by so he could run around on the grass and play on the jungle gym.  As we approached the park he ran to the trees and began hugging them like they were his old friends.  Like his mother he loves being outside and exploring his surroundings.  

A squirrel scurried by as we walked toward the playground and he stopped to say hello.  The natural world is his home away from home and he is quite happy to just run free like the wind.  Eventually we made it to the swing sets and slides and he began climbing and sliding.  Then he crawled through the tubes and sat in one for quite a while quietly by himself.  I wondered what he was thinking about.

As I watched this little guy entertain himself I was in awe at how much he observes and takes in.  Sometimes he talks about it and lets me know what is on his mind and sometimes he just goes along quietly doing his own thing.

On the way back home he stopped by a gathering of trees to pick up a particular stick he found sitting on the ground in front of him.  He held it in his hand, swung his arms, then he skipped along the path.  As he was skipping he said out loud.  “I just love sticks!”.  That was the highlight of my day.  

Posted on by Beth 0

Waiting: A Journey through Darkness to Light

There are days when the skies are filled with clouds and the sun is hidden behind them.  Some days are darker than others, still when the clouds disappear the sun shines forth and I am lifted up. I am sure many of us are.

What does that mean exactly, lifted up!  Well to me it means seeing something beyond the obvious.  It means allowing the darkness to be illuminated and the wisdom of my heart to be seen and felt within my very being.

Now this is not just a physical phenomenon it is a spiritual experience.  It can happen in the darkest hours of the night or on a cold and snowy day when the winds are blowing so hard you can barely see two feet in front of you.

How and why is this such an enlightened experience then?  Do we have to be experiencing the “dark night of the soul” in order to recognize the wisdom that shines through that darkness?  Or is it something we can access anytime anywhere we choose to?  This is question mystics have been asking and answering for centuries.  We are all Spiritual beings first and foremost and so when we can find our way to trusting in that knowing then we are on our way home. 

Shining a light into the darkest regions of our hearts can be difficult at best and darn right impossible at the very least.  Often we don’t even know where those dark corners are hiding until we come up against a memory or a physical sensation that tells us we have landed on something that needs to be addressed.   What I know from my own experience is when I shine a light in those regions of my being I am not doing it alone.  I have experienced more than once the hand of what I call God taking my hand and leading me as well as comforting me along the way.

It is not always easy to explain what this looks or feels like for me, still I know it to be true.  I can shift my thoughts away from sorrow and sadness to love and compassion on the turn of a dime if I am connecting in that moment.  It is not always that easy though.  Still at times it can be.  Learning the process of mindfulness is one of the best ways I know of to shift gears and learn how to be present with all that is presenting itself in any given moment.

Still there are many moments when my heart is aching and my mind is telling me that I have every reason to be sad, angry or disappointed.  It is in those moments that I need to take a step back and look at myself from the perspective of one who is witnessing myself in pain.  It is not a problem to be solved.  It is simply an observation of something that is happening in the moment.  Sometimes it only takes a few minutes for me to see myself in a different light.  Other times it takes days even months to move through that dark time and find the light on the other side.

This is the value and joy of having a human experience.  To be able to eventually shift our way of seeing what is before us and finding the diamonds sparkling in the sawdust of all that has been working away at us over time.  Psychologists may argue that the dark regions are there because of the negative experiences we have had up until that moment we see them differently.  They may be right.  I have had many experiences that I have reframed over my lifetime and others that I can not let go of.  They are painfully resting in my heart waiting for me to let go and let God take them over.  

Hanging on to such negativity is, in a way, a form of self protection.  As long as I remember what it feels like to be so hurt or angry or even fearful then I am somehow protecting myself from it happening again.  If only that were true.  The reality is that as long as I hang on to all the pain I am only reliving the original experience over and over again.  So I am learning more and more how to live in the now and live through the pain until it is no longer hurting me.  It becomes a story that I can tell and has no particular affect on how I am feeling now.  This is something that I truly believe comes with the aging process.  It is a way of looking at the world and my life in context of what is now rather than what was then.

I learned to be more consciously aware of my human shortcomings when I was caring for my aging mother and my young children.  My mother talked over and over again about all the ways she was hurt in the past by family members.  She could not let it go and so everyone around her was forced to listen to her ongoing rhetoric about all the times she was ignored or left with no support when she was going through difficult times. Finally she cut herself off from her family all together.  At the end of her life, my sister and I were the only ones left who she was talking to and our children of course.  

As I age I am determined not to be the same way with my family members.  I am not sure how successful I am in that regard still I am doing my best to be present to what is now and to take responsibility for whatever I am feeling at any given point in time.  

Being an aging parent I hold a certain expectation of my children which they may or may not be able to live up to.  They don’t know what those expectations are neither do I know what their expectations are of me.  Unless we have the conversation which for us is damn hard I may go to my grave wondering what I could have done differently or how I would liked to have been treated differently.  

Ultimately, it is for us to make peace within ourselves and leave no stone unturned until we are assured that we have done the very best we could at any given point in time.  By then the light will shine for us in all the corners of our hearts so that Love can prevail above all else.  That is how I want to leave this world some day.

Posted on by Beth 5

Celebrating Life: Birthdays in My Family

The month of April starts the birthday season in my family, including my own. There are nine all together from April 1 to May 29. There are few family members whose birthday is in other months of the year and they are the lucky ones because I never forget their birthday.

Ever since I turned sixty I have enjoyed gathering my friends together and celebrating my birthday with them. This year I was planning to host another party, then life got away on me and I decided that this year I would rather meet with them individually. Larger groups are harder for me now because it is difficult to hear and carry on a conversation with all the background noise. I sometimes get a bit overwhelmed with all the energy generated when my friends gather together. We are a happy group with lots of laughing and fun stories to share with one another. I love them all for their enthusiasm and excitement for living. Still life has been very busy for me these past few months as I mentioned so I am looking forward to a quieter type of celebration this year.

I have five grandchildren, four of which have birthdays during the month of April and May. It is an exciting time for them and I want to celebrate with each of them over cake and ice cream. There is something about being with a child when they mark that special moment recognizing they are a whole year older. My youngest will be four this year and he is looking forward to starting school in the fall. My oldest is turning fifteen and she is definitely a teenager looking for adventure and hanging out with friends. The other two will be ten and eight. The first a boy and the second a girl. Turning ten is a big deal. It marks the beginning of adolescence. Turning eight means you are no longer just a little girl, rather you are coming into your own and your personality is blossoming.

I will be seventy-one this year and for me that is a full step over the threshold of the seventies. I am here now living and loving my life in this decade. I am embracing my age and all that comes with it. This past year has been a bit of an adjustment period. I settled into my life in the seniors residence, got involved in volunteer work at my church and spent time with my youngest grandson learning to play and have fun.

My son who turns forty-seven this year has lived on the other side of the ocean for many years. It has been a long time since we have celebrated our birthdays together. His is in early May. It is hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that I have a son that old since I still feel that young myself sometimes.

My son-in-law has his birthday this week. He is like a son to me. I have known him since he was sixteen years old and first started dating my daughter. He has always called me mom. Now he calls me Nana. I have been witness to his incredible life journey from a young teenager to a grown man in his forties running a business and providing for his family.

My nephew and two nieces also celebrate their birthdays during this time. They all live south of the border so I don’t get to see them in person. Still I mark their special day remembering to send birthday wishes to them on our FAMJAM What’s App conversation. It keeps us all connected.

Having a birthday season in my family means taking time out every week to acknowledge and be a witness to the many ages and stages of life everyone is going through on their own and all of us together. I am at the helm of the birthday boat this year and give thanks for each and everyone of my family members.

So glad to have us all celebrating together during this special birthday season!

Posted on by Beth 1

Embracing Art: Creating Your Home Gallery

For years now I have dreamed of having a loft studio with white walls that were covered with art hanging all around me. The art was both my own and others, whatever brought me joy. I would look at the studios in warehouses that artists lived in and envied the space and high ceilings and big windows. I followed many artists who live in New York City or Paris and dreamed I would someday have such a place.

A few weeks ago I visited a friend of mine who lives in a condominium in Toronto. She has an extensive art collection and has several gallery walls displaying the artwork in her living room and down the hallways. One of the rooms in her place is dedicated to creating her own art. She can go in there and play to her hearts desire. When she wants to take a break she can walk out of the room, close the “mess” behind her and step back into her quiet and calm living room/art gallery. I am inspired by what she is creating and how she set herself up to honour her love of art. She recently retired so has more time and energy to dedicate to it now.

I live in a small 500 square foot studio apartment — not the big warehouse studio I dreamed of still it is a studio and I love it. The ceilings are quite high and the walls are painted white. I have two chairs, a table and a bed as well as a bookcase and a desk. The galley kitchen is small and serves its purpose. The walls are my gallery. How lucky am I.

A while back I wrote about how I had shifted my furniture around in my studio to create more of a flow for me to do my own art. My first love is collage art. I had done several pieces and boxed them away. When I settled into life in southern Ontario I started exploring and playing with watercolours. That is what I am using now. I worked with acrylics for many years when I lived in Victoria, BC and then gave all my art supplies away and sold or gave away my paintings when I moved back east. I only saved one which is pictured here. Titled “Memory Garden”.

I must confess I have not done any artwork for over two years. In all the confusion and upheaval with moving three times in two years I simply did not have the energy or inspiration. This past month I decided to sign up for a couple of art classes to help kick start my artistic desires. I have taken two classes now and have three to go. I am in the flow of my creative energy once again.

This week I took out a box of artwork that I had done a few years ago. I was surprised to see how much I had created. My friend who lives in Toronto stopped by, saw some of what I had done and said to me “You need to frame these and hang them on your walls”. That is all the encouragement I needed. Another friend had all kinds of frames that she was not using and offered me to come by and take what I needed. What a gift!

So this past weekend I continued to transform my place into the studio/gallery I dreamed of for so long. I framed several pieces of my own art and hung them on the wall or placed them on shelves. The bright colours take me to my happy place. I am inspired and energized now to keep painting and also do my collage work.

I decided to set up a second table that is plastic and use it for my work table along side my dining table. I can leave my materials all set up for as long as I want to. It is after all my artist studio now.

What I have learned in this process is that even when things seem too much to handle finding that creative force within helps to ease the pain. There is so much harsh reality to face in the world today and sometimes it literally makes me sick to my stomach. Then out of nowhere I feel a piece of writing or a painting come to me and I feel the desire if not the need to bring it to the page.

So as we contemplate our place in all the turmoil let’s keep in mind that we can still find beauty in the world. When we are home alone or with others we can also create it. I hope dear reader, that you find your creative endeavours make your heart sing. There is nothing like seeing the fruits of your labour come into focus.

Posted on by Beth 3

Managing Hearing Loss: A Personal Journey

I am in my seventies now and I encounter a lot of people who admit they are living with some degree of hearing impairment as I am. Many have chosen to get hearing aids to help them manage conversations better. Others get along without the use of any form of aid. They choose this option mostly because they are not ready, not because they could not benefit from them. Others have tried them and just don’t like them for various reasons. If you are one of the lucky ones who has exceptional hearing then I am happy for you. Your ears and brain are still functioning at the top of your game.

Hearing loss is most often gradual and for some of us that means the people around us usually notice before we do that we are not hearing as well as we used to. We gradually learn to adapt by lip reading or other methods of communication. So we think we are doing fine. The truth is most of us are not. We are just working harder than we need to and are exhausting our nervous systems in the process. Living alone we often don’t notice that the tv or radio is on louder than it used to be. Even when we live with someone we blame them for mumbling or talking at us from another room.

Early Diagnosis

I have been hard of hearing since I was eighteen years old. The doctor told me then I had the hearing of someone in their sixties. It has been gradually getting worse since then. I got my first pair of hearing aids when I was twenty-two. Thus began my life long journey of learning how to adapt and hear and communicate in a world that is not user friendly for the hard of hearing. Loud noises or even music playing in the background can interfere with how hard someone has to work to listen. I must say though that technology has really improved over the decades and I am doing better now than I did in my thirties even though I hear less.

I have had years to study how the loss of hearing can affect my ability to socialize. For years I did not go to the movies because I missed too much of the dialogue and the background sound effects are too loud. I only went to foreign films with sub-titles. Now there is a device some theatres offer called Rearview Captioning that you can borrow. It goes in the cup holder and shows the subtitles under the screen. It works great. Now I can go to movies again.

When watching television I always have the closed captioning on or I don’t watch it at all. I lived without a television for more than ten years. I also avoided large gatherings of people for a long time because it was too hard to hear when I engaged in conversation. Sometimes I would go but would then sit quietly by myself just observing what was happening around me and usually people didn’t seem to notice. So even though I was out and about and trying to socialize with my friends or engage in the world, I often felt isolated and alone in the crowd. Eventually I made sure I did more one on one activities because that was easier for me to manage.

Ways We Adapt

What I have observed recently is how well I have adapted by learning all sorts of responses to give when I don’t really understand what someone has said to me without cutting off the conversation. I might say something like “that’s interesting or right or that makes sense….” The other person carries on talking assuming I am understanding them and I just sit quietly and “listen” as hard as I can to what they are saying hoping I will understand enough and have something equally as engaging to share when it is my turn to speak.

This is a learned behaviour that has developed over a long period of time. Listening is really hard work for someone with a hearing impairment, and sometimes we just don’t have the energy or ability to focus that long. So we learn to fake it or isolate ourselves so we don’t have to and that can get lonely. Most of us take longer to process information so long periods of silence in between sharing information is so helpful. In todays world though I have noticed that silence makes people uncomfortable. So they try to fill it up by talking more.

My granddaughter asked me a few months ago “Nana why do you say ‘right’ so much when I am talking to you?” That was the first time I was aware I was doing it and at the time I didn’t know why I did. So after observing my behaviour I came to realize it was because I didn’t understand everything she was saying to me still I wanted to acknowledge her. I have learned over the years that most people do not like having to repeat themselves if you let them know you did not understand what they said. Often they will just say “never mind it’s not important” which cuts the conversation short and leaves the listener feeling left out.

Challenges Along the Way

Many people speak very quickly and often cover their mouths with their hands or turn their face so the listener can’t see them. Children have higher pitched voices and talk quickly going from one subject to another which often makes it hard to follow. I have tried my best to remind my grandchildren to face me when they talk with me and also to speak more slowly so I can understand everything they say because what they tell me is important to me. I did the same with my children when they were growing up. The truth is I am the one doing most of the adapting. Most of my friends and even my family have a hard time remembering I am hearing impaired. My own mother told me once I never think about it. You always do so well. Yes I do and it is very hard work sometimes.

Like most things in life change is gradual as we get older. Our bodies slow down and we learn to take things at a steady pace. Many of my friends who now have the experience of not understanding or hearing as well as they were used to are saying to me “how did you do it for all those years?”. I tell them that is a very good question. The answer is I learned to listen with my whole self – not just my ears. I developed a keen sense of observation and learned to put things in context so I could fill in the gaps. I also developed my intuition so that I could figure out what someone was talking about. I am a good listener and I listen a lot to other people. My heart is always open so what I don’t understand with my head I can feel in my heart and I respond as best I can.

The Gift of Silence and Solitude

Some of my closest companions over the years have been authors of books that I have read. When I find myself alone, not ready to venture out into the world I choose to be quiet at home with a good book. It is often one written by someone and about something I can relate to. It helps me feel connected and not so isolated and alone. I refer to my books as my friends because the words that they contain offer solace to my soul when I need it most.

I found myself wanting to pull back more and more these past few months and I wrote about it recently. What I was noticing was that my hearing was getting worse and I was more and more tired after I was in a group setting. I saw my audiologist today and she confirmed for me what I had suspected. I have lost more hearing. So she adjusted my hearing aids and hopefully that will help improved things for me when it comes to understanding and taking part in social activities. Still I am aware that the fatigue is a side affect of hearing impairment and I must take time out in silence to restore my energy and not over task my nervous system.

If you can relate to any of what I am sharing here then I encourage you to take time to regroup and if you haven’t already done so get your hearing checked. Taking care of our bodies so that we can live a rich and vibrant life is key to our well being.

Posted on by Beth 4

Mindful Living: Small Changes for a Healthier Life

I have been making some small and meaningful changes to my daily routine. Some of the changes were sparked by a need to support my body more. I had slipped into some slovenly ways that led to overeating and sitting for long period of time in my recliner chair. I became more and more lethargic and unmotivated to do much of anything except write and read books that I hoped would inspire me to shift gears. I still got out and socialized and spent time serving in the community. It was just when I got home and was on my own that I slipped into this pattern of behaviour.

Now there is nothing wrong with writing or reading per se. It is just that the lack of physical activity put things out of balance for me. The less I moved the less I felt like moving or doing much of anything. Living in such a small space means that there is not a lot of room to move around and so that means going outside which I don’t always feel like doing. Dishes pile up before I get up to do them. Mountains of laundry slowly appear. Yet I am often content to sit and just be quiet within myself letting everything else go.

Recently my body started to tell me enough is enough. It is time to make some changes and find a better balance between being and doing. So I decided to start by taking control of my eating habits and being more mindful about the choices I make and when I do eat. I have started walking outside everyday even when I don’t really want to get dress and go out. I set alarms on my phone to remind me to get up and get moving every hour so I don’t sit for too long at a time. Even walking around the studio or getting up to do a few dishes, make the bed, dust a few shelves, all help to keep me moving about.

What I am discovering is not new just a good reminder that my body is also sacred space and needs to be loved accordingly. Shifting my furniture around gave me a new perspective on how I want to live my life. I realized I want spend time writing, reading, and doing art which are all important to me and so is maintaining a healthy body and home environment. I recognize now the need for creative balance.

I know myself well enough to realize that changes have to be slow and steady in order to be sustainable. I like having a well organized and clean home. Still housework is mostly considered a “chore” for me and as I have aged the “have to” list of chores has become shorter as things like washing floors etc. has become harder. So I decided to look at why I see everything as a “chore”. If I could shift that mindset then perhaps I could be more motivated to attend to the care of my home in ways I am able to. What if I could see them as simple practices and used the time to be mindful about what I am actually caring for and doing.

For example, when I do the dishes I am mindful and grateful to have a sink full of clean water to wash them in and reminded that so many do not. I have a dear friend who says she finds washing dishes a meditative practice. Maybe I will get there some day. What I know now is when I get up and do the dishes regularly throughout the day they don’t pile up. I look at my kitchen counters and see a clear space when I sit down in my chair. I smile and feel good that I got that taken care of.

Making my bed as soon as I get up is another small practice that I have started to do because it is easy and makes the room look tidy. I am less likely to want to crawl back in too. Though there is always nap time in the afternoon.

Since caring for my body in more mindful ways my energy levels have certainly improved. I live with diabetes and my blood sugar levels have been normal for the last week or so and that has made a huge difference. The more energy I have the more I feel like moving about. The more I move about the more energy I have. My aging body is responding to the care and attention I am giving it and in turn I am encouraged to keep doing it. The secret for me is to make the choices easy so that I am not creating too much change too fast. One day at time and one meal at a time one practice at a time. I make sure I have nutritious food choices and eat what I feel like at the designated times. If I want a snack it is a something that will add nutrients to my body like a piece of fruit or some nuts. I am learning the difference between when I am really hungry and when I am just bored.

As I say none of this is new to me I just needed to press the restart button. I am sure that life will send me some curve balls that could challenge me enough to throw my current routine off course. Still I have the tools and inner fortitude to keep going because the results are positive and I feel better than I have for a long time — physically, mentally and emotionally. My Spirit is guiding me along the way and I continue to nurture it as well.

Establishing a daily practice for self care and home maintenance is challenging for the artist in me that wants to just go with the flow and let things unfold naturally. Still I know if I spend adequate time using my energy in creative and life sustaining ways my inner artist is happier. I am also an organizer and manager and so having tasks to attend to helps to keep my mind satisfied. “Know thy self and to thine own self be true.” I am finding the creative balance to satisfy the artist and manager/organizer.

The last thing my mother told me before she died was “Follow your heart and don’t lose your head”. She knew me so well. My heart is the artist and spiritual guide, my head is the manager/organizer of it all. Putting them together makes me a great team player.

So I am practicing self care in all its many forms. Taking time to attend to my needs for a well cared for body and home. May you all find the balance in your lives as well to care for what is most calling to you today.

Posted on by Beth 1

Transforming My Studio Apartment into a Creative Sanctuary

The year 2025 has begun. I personally feel a new kick in my step and am off to great start. The sun has been shining more and the crisp cold air invigorates me when I am out for my morning walks.

I began the new year as I often do by rearranging my furniture. The energy in me is shifting so that leads to my need to move things around in my environment. I first landed in my place in December 2023 and spent last year living my life and discovering how best to use the space I have.

Being a very creative person, I like to express myself with art and writing. Last year I didn’t do any art. For some reason, I just did not get to it. No matter how many supplies I bought or videos I watched to inspire me I was not motivated to push that start button even though it was something I knew gave me great satisfaction. So this year I looked around and realized there was no dedicated space for that purpose. The small desk I have had for years was tucked away in a back corner and became a catch all for papers and other things I did not know what to do with.

There it was my art centre. It was time to bring it out from facing the wall and give it a more prominent place in my living space. Hence began the furniture shuffle. The desk was cleared off, dusted and wiped down. I put it in front of the shelves where the art supplies are and faced it out into the room so there was lots to look at. Then I put my art journal on the desk with a few water colours. Voila, there it was my creative centre, literally in the centre of my room. I like that I can leave everything out and just sit down when I feel like playing with my art. Some days I sit for hours and other days just a few minutes here and there. The “studio” calls me whenever I feel moved to create. The best part is it can also be a writing centre. So I have set the tone for the year ahead. More playtime and more time to create and lots of space to do it.

The other area of my place that needed to change was my “living room” sitting area. I live in a one room studio. In order to make it feel “homey” I like to define the space into sections so it doesn’t feel so much like a bed sitting room. So I have two comfortable chairs that I have to sit in. One is a recliner which is where I sit most of the time. The other is more of an accent chair for guests or me if I want a change. Now my chair sits beside the window facing into my home rather than toward the window. I have a whole new perspective. It is a metaphor for my life right now as I like to focus inward this time of year. It is my time to curl up with my book and let myself coast into spring.

When my friend came for tea yesterday we sat in the “living room” and had a lovely visit together. Our chairs were turned toward each other and we were able to chat and feel comfortable with just enough space between us.

I still get outside for my regular walks and enjoy having friends over for a cup of tea or even a meal now and then. Still spending time on my own gives me such pleasure because my home reflects back to me all the things that are most important to my quality of life.

I am a big supporter of making the space you live in be as functional and comfortable as possible. I also have a strong intuition about how we arrange the things we have to give a feeling of warmth and presence. When things are placed willy nilly without a thought or feeling as to why it is there then a place feels cluttered and out of balance. Keeping the energy flowing is another way of setting up a room. Feng Shui is a very popular discipline that uses the principals of energy flow in and around your home. I don’t know all the ins and outs of Feng Shui I just know when something “feels” right and if it doesn’t I sit with it and ponder what needs to change.

Right now I have a beautiful red amaryllis bulb sitting by desk that started blooming on New Years eve. It was given to me as a gift and took six weeks to grow and blossom. This is a reminder to me that some things take longer to germinate and to wait patiently. Sometimes what you are waiting for is even more beautiful than you could have ever imagined.

I had no idea when I moved into my studio apartment a year ago that having a creative centre in my home would be so important to my sense of well being. When I arrived the desk went into the corner and I hung a gallery of pictures of family and special treasures from friends and grandchildren. That was my focus then — maintaining a close relationship with them all. The wall faced my bed so every night before going to sleep I would look at those pictures and smile then in the morning it was the first thing I saw. It still makes me smile. Now my chair sits beside that wall and they are all right there beside me reminding me how truly blessed I am.

This place has become my sanctuary where I feel peaceful, calm and filled with joy. It is also a place where I find myself gathering my friends and family to me. Occasionally I invite my daughter and son in law and their three children to join me for dinner. My kitchen and dining area then become my creative centre. The first time I invited them I was worried there would not be enough space for all of us. Still hospitality is an important part of who I am so I did it anyway. We all fit in just fine. It was warm and cozy and food and company was enjoyed by all. I was encouraged to host other gatherings.

What I have learned from all of this is that when you live your life from the heart of who you are you can create space for all that is in your heart no matter how small that space is. It took me a year of living with the place to know how we would coexist together so that I can live my best life. I am so thankful for my home. The people who manage the building I live in ensure it is a safe and healthy environment and I am so grateful.

Here’s to creating sacred space! May we all be blessed with a home that is safe and filled with love.

Posted on by Beth 6

Vision Past, Present and Future

As the the year 2024 comes to an end and the beginning of 2025 is fast approaching I find myself wondering what has made the biggest impact on me this year. I am also contemplating what is in store for me next year. I am sure I am not alone in this. This is the time of year when many of us are taking time for reflection as we seek light in the darkness.

Seeing clearly is not always easy

So as I look back over this past year I can honestly say the biggest impact on me was having my eyes done. I had cataract surgery at the end of November 2023 and things did not go as well as expected. I spent the next eleven months visiting the surgeon’s office once a month and being treated for an inflamed iris in both eyes. It was not only inconvenient to make the long trek back and forth to his office it was down right annoying as I often had to wait for up to two hours for a 10 minute consultation. The waiting room was packed with people. At my final appointment I was told my eyes were completely healed.

Still my eye sight has changed and that has impacted me in more ways than I ever thought possible. My vision is often blurry now even with my corrective lenses. It is annoying and disorienting. When I am out walking I often feel off balance because my depth perception is poor. It takes practice to walk slowly while paying close attention to where I step. This is both a gift and a curse.

Reading is another issue that I have had trouble with this past year. Whether reading online or in paper format I can only focus for short periods of time before my eyes are strained and things get blurry. This has taken great patience on my part. I am learning to rest my eyes more often. Looking ahead to the new year I am hoping that my optometrist will be able to offer solutions to my vision issues. New glasses perhaps.

As I look into my heart I seek greater clarity for my life in general. I am noticing that my “Vision” for the new year is a bit out of focus. I am not sure where I am headed or what I am looking forward to experiencing. Still, I have set some very general intentions for myself. I seek to be at peace within and live one day at a time. I intend to make the most of each day I am given. That includes doing something kind for someone else every day. I want to play more and read as much as I can. It would be nice to be entertaining and spend time with those who I can laugh and be myself with.

Vision

My spirit eyes see something more in the future though. My Spirit wants to soar and rise above the many conflicts and the pain around the world. It wants to seek out where Love is in the midst of all the suffering and find places where Peace can land.

I am also being invited to take a deep dive into the areas of my own life that are needing more Love — whether it be caring for my soul, body or others who need to be nurtured. It is time for me to step out as a bright light in the world. To be fully present and be hopeful even when it is hard to do.

There have been times in my life when I have been accused of wearing rose coloured glasses or burying my head in the sand when it comes to conflict. That was not how it felt for me though. It is more about looking for where the cracks are in the walls of darkness and shining a light there so that others can see through the darkness. My life story is riddled with all different kinds of conflicts. I had to learn to navigate my way through each one. Those experiences gave me a deeper capacity for compassion. When I see a person on the street who is suffering my heart goes out to them. Often there is little I can to do help them so I simply acknowledge them and say hello tell them my name and ask them theirs. Even that small connection can help them feel less alone. After the encounter I always ask for them to be blessed and taken care of. 

Sometimes we are called to be a lighthouse in the storms of life.

My sense is that there are big changes coming for all of us as the future unfolds. This is a time when fear and terror will want to grab a hold of us and it is important that we resist it and maintain a strong barrier of Love all around us. Many will say that is easier said than done and they may be right. Still when we are in the presence of Holy Love or when Holy Love calls to us from the darkness we are being offered a gift. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is let go of the Fear and accept the gift of Love freely given.

My wish and prayer for you dear reader is that you be surrounded by Love every day and that you have the experience of Peace that passes all understanding today and for all days ahead. May you shine brightly.

Posted on by Beth 2

The Gifts that Keep on Giving

Some years at Christmas I receive a gift that has a special significance for various reasons. It may be a remembrance of a particular event or person. It may be it was given as something practical that I really needed at the time. Or it may be that it was so thoughtfully chosen or made especially for me that I cherish it for years to come.

Each year when I put away the Christmas ornaments I am reminded of the people who gave them to me and my heart is filled with love. This year I look at the shelf across from my chair and I see the tatted snowflake that my dear friend Christine made many years ago. She sent it to me in a card. I remember opening it and being so thrilled to have such a delicately hand made gift. She was very sick at the time she made it and months after I opened that card she died. Still every time I look at that snowflake I remember her and the many good times we had together. The love that went into making the snowflake radiates from it.

Another gift hanging from the shelf are two beautiful balls. One is an ornate gold ball that was given to me from another dear friend who has since passed away. Christmas was a time of year when she went all out and showered me with beautifully wrapped gifts. This particular ball, though, was a gift from the heart that I knew she chose as a reminder of how much she loved me. Beside it is a pearlized blue ball with doves and the word Peace on it. It came from a very loving and kind woman who I shared a life with many years ago. Each time I look at that ball the love we still share today shines forth and we are connected through the heart.

This year my three year old grandson painted me a paper Christmas ball with a paint set I gave him for his birthday. His sister wrote on the back. I will cherish this ball along with the others for years to come.

What I have learned over the years is that it is not always the gift that is purchased and given to us that truly matters. It is the love and thoughtfulness that goes into the gift that keeps on giving.

Merry Christmas Everyone! May the gift of Love find you wherever you are.

Posted on by Beth 1

A Christmas Angel

This week on December 19th my daughter, the youngest of my two children, will celebrate her 40th birthday. After she was born we came home and settled in for Christmas. It was a magical time. As I looked into her sweet baby eyes I knew I was in the presence of a dear little Angel. Her big brother who was six at the time, went shopping for a Christmas gift and chose an Angel tree topper. It was a family tradition every year after that to bring that Angel out and place it on the top of our tree. Over the years during my many moves I lost track of it and this year I found a new one called JOY.

That little baby is now married and mother of three children of her own. When I am with her and her family at this time of year I am reminded of that first Christmas when she came into the world. It has been my honour to be her mother over the years as she grew up to become the beautiful woman she is today.

Forty years have gone by so fast. It is hard to remember now all those milestones she went through and all the ways she has touched our lives. Still my heart glows in her presence and she is still an Angel to me.

Like her big brother before her, my daughter always made Christmas a special time for our family. When they were small their excitement filled the room as we gathered around the tree on Christmas morning. Later in the day we often had dinner with grandparents.

Now my son lives across the ocean in Berlin, Germany with his family and the grandparents are all gone. Aunts and Uncles, and cousins have moved away and we have lost touch for the most part. Family gatherings are much smaller now. Still my daughter and her family live close by me and we often gather with members of her husband’s family to celebrate the Love that is still all around us. My daughter continues the family tradition with her children as they gather around their tree on Christmas Day.

When we have our family gatherings I am happy to be one of the three grandmothers who sit at the table watching the excitement of the little ones and the bigger ones as they soak up all the love that surrounds them. There have been years when I have spent Christmas on my own. Those were the years when I lived far away or when my daughter and her family took a family vacation. Still I was never alone because I have so many wonderful memories to keep me company.

Christmas when I was a child was also magical as my father and mother always had many traditions that they kept each year. My younger sister and I grew up surrounded by people who loved us and they created an atmosphere at Christmas that gave us the foundation that is still carried on today.

I give thanks every day for my family past and present and for all the ways I was and am loved. I have been shown both the magic and the mystery of this time we call Christmas. Over 2000 years ago a light so bright shone in the world and Holy Love was born in human form.

May you know that Holy Love this year and trust that no matter your circumstances you are a bright light that shines in the darkness.

Peace be with you always.

Posted on by Beth 0

Hope, Peace, Joy and Love

The season of Advent is now being observed by many Christian churches around the world. I have to admit this is one of my favourite seasons because it reminds me to slow right down and take stock of where I am right now. It is so easy to rush toward Christmas and get caught up in all the holiday advertising and activities. I know there is a certain amount of planning and shopping to be done for our celebrations on Christmas Day and into the New Year. Still it does not have to consume me. I would much rather stay home and practice being quiet and listening to what my heart is longing for and what it wants to share.

In the Celtic tradition we are also leading up to the winter solstice which is an honouring of the darkness as the days get shorter and nights longer. This too is a time of quiet reflection and being still with what is before us.

As we are being invited to get busy and to get out and do our shopping, decorating our homes, preparing meals and having guests over, I also invite you to take a few minutes each day to notice where the darkness is presenting itself in your life. Are you wanting to go to bed earlier at night? Do you want to curl up in front a fire or light some candles and turn off the lights? Are you thinking of someone you haven’t seen or heard from for a while and want to reach out?

The first week of December we began with the theme of HOPE. This is not an easy message for many of us who are struggling with the pressures and demands of family life, work life, financial strain, food insecurity, health concerns and the list goes on. Many are grieving the loss of a loved one or are preparing to say good bye as their loved one is slowly leaving this world. Others are missing children and grandchildren who live far away. Still it is a time of great hope for families who prepare to be together travelling from distant locations. It is a time when children are excited to be surprised by gifts they will receive. It is a time when we as a community reach out and offer whatever we can to give others hope where it may be missing.

This second week of December we reflect on the message of PEACE. I think about the phrase “Peace that Passes All Understanding”. That is what I strive for and long for each and every day and especially now in this war torn world where it seems almost impossible to achieve. Yet the message of HOPE reminds us that PEACE is not an outcome rather a state of being. When we take time to be at PEACE within ourselves then we can bring peace into all that we do and everywhere we go. It is not something that just happens it needs our conscious awareness to come out of the darkness and into the light.

Coming up to the third week of December we can begin to celebrate the Joy of the Season. We can see the lights all around us at night. The moon has gone from dark to brighter and shines upon us illuminating all the beauty of this Earth as we so often rush on past or ignore it. Again we are invited to stop, slow down and experience the JOY of being present with and for each other no matter our circumstances. Take time to say hello and smile at a stranger. Take time to help an elderly neighbour or play with a small child who is longing for attention. Wherever you find yourself during this week practise finding joy in the little things. Listen to music that makes your heart glow with JOY. Pay attention to what sparks JOY for you and do it!

Finally the fourth week of December we will be focused on LOVE. The LOVE that came into the world with a light so bright that many tried to put it out. This LOVE will not be denied though because it is the essence of who each of us are and where we came from. We only need to acknowledge it and allow it to touch us to know that it is there. No matter if we are all alone or surrounded by crowds of people we are enveloped in LOVE. Accepting that as a matter of course and being willing to honour that in yourself and then in others is the greatest gift of all.

So dear readers may you know the gifts of HOPE, PEACE, JOY AND LOVE, during these weeks as they grow darker. May you find time and energy to give thanks for these gifts you have been given. Trust in the knowing that no matter your circumstances you are precious and a gift to humanity. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I am forever grateful for your presence.

Posted on by Beth 0

Confessions of a Caregiver

I have been reading a lot about caregiver burnout lately. I have friends who have people in their lives who they are caring for. I hear them tell me it is more and more difficult to keep going because they too are tired and need help themselves. Still being a dedicated caregiver means they carry on because there are no real alternatives unless there is money available to invest in paid service providers. Even then if they have the resources the demand is getting greater and the supply is limited. Not everyone has the extra money to spend though. So many caregivers are putting their own health at risk while caring for someone else in their family or a dear friend. Community resources are very limited right now and in some cases long wait lists are a barrier to getting the support needed.

All this can also lead to elder abuse which is also an even bigger problem in our communities right now. As a growing population of seniors age and become more and more isolated from family and friends they are at greater risk of being ignored and neglected. Many of them have lost interest and live with severe depression or worse, dementia. They are not able to access the supports they need or even to ask for help. It is a very sad reflection on how our society views the important role our elders can play in our society.

As we age, more and more demand is put on self care as the only means to continue living with dignity. What if you are a single woman, living independently. What if you have chronic medical conditions such as diabetes, hearing loss, arthritis and diet sensitivities such as dairy or gluten. What if you are living on a very low fixed income and are doing everything you can to manage your finances.

I confess that I am living with all those conditions and more. Sometimes I feel burned out. Taking care of myself is a full time job. There are days when I just want to quit the job and find a better one that is more fun. If only that were possible…hahaha…. By the time I take care of myself, my finances, and my home I have very little reserves left for other things.

So what I am learning in this process?

  • I am learning to be very grateful for my body that carries me through life relatively pain free rather than bemoaning it.
  • I am learning to be grateful for the amazing care team of doctors who monitor my health conditions and help me to stay on track. So many of my friends who are in similar situations are not so lucky.
  • I am being reminded that if I want to have fun I need to find it in the process of my daily living
  • I am looking to find a hobby that I can do at home on a tight budget that is fun for me to do
  • I am learning to do things slowly and steadily until everything is taken care of
  • I am learning to keep reaching out to my friends and staying in contact with my family
  • I am learning that taking a day off to just rest and restore from time to time is good self care
  • I am learning that having a Spiritual practice really helps me stay focused and present in the now
  • I am learning to laugh at and with myself more when I hear myself whining or complaining and to give myself more love

So dear readers whether you are a caregiver for someone else or for yourself or both, take time out to be grateful and kind to yourself. Learn to laugh at the antics of your wounded self and to love yourself even more because you are so worth it. If you are aware of a senior living alone take a minute to check in on them from time to time. Just knowing that someone is thinking about you can make all the difference.

Have a great day!

Posted on by Beth 4

Practicing Patience: Lessons from Thanksgiving Chaos

This past weekend I called my sister who lives in South Carolina. She is busy preparing for her family to come home for Thanksgiving. When I called her she didn’t pick up right away. She texted me “I am in the middle of Costco I will call you later”. My immediate thought was “why would anyone in their right mind go to Costco on the Saturday before American Thanksgiving if they didn’t have to?” I sent her a text message telling her she was very brave to be there on the weekend before Thanksgiving. She called me back a while later. “Are you home now?” I said. “No” she said. “I am in the parking lot at Costco waiting to get out.” I laughed and we talked for a while. I finally asked her why she was there? She said lots of people ask her the same thing.

When I heard her response I was taken aback and so proud of her. She told me that she goes on that day because it tests her patience. Everyone is rushing around and busy trying to get things done just like she is. She wants to be the type of person who is kind and patient with others in the midst of the chaos. She said she has great conversations with people who are also preparing for Thanksgiving and she is met with kindness herself.

She got me thinking. What better way to practice living your faith in the world than to be out there being patient and kind with others. That is the kind of LOVE that we need more of in this world. I am so thankful and grateful that she is a living example to all of us who know her.

I have been practicing a different kind of patience. Staying away from the crowds and lighting candles and saying prayers for people all around the world is what I am doing these days. It helps me remain calm and grounded. I too want to be that beacon of light and love in my community. I want to be someone who greets others with patience and kindness.

As we all prepare for the upcoming season of light in the various faith traditions around the world let us all remember to be patient and kind with ourselves and one another.

Posted on by Beth 3