Category: Spiritual Experiences

Finding Peace Amid Chaos: A Personal Reflection

At the end of October or beginning of November, I can’t quite remember, I retreated from the world. I needed time to be quiet and find the stillness within me. I needed to be peaceful and focus my attention on what my heart was telling me. My mind is always busy thinking about my family, friends and events in the world. I do my best to live in gratitude and to be kind, still I am human. I can have moments of frustration and deep and abiding anger at what I see and hear about what is happening around the world these days. Even in the lovely seniors apartment building where I live I hear about in fighting among the residents. They complain about the silliest things instead of feeling grateful for all we are given here. So I needed to take a break from it all.

It has been a deeply personal time of reflection and contemplation. Doing my best to stay in the present moment. I go to bed every night with love in my heart giving thanks for all the many ways I am graced with a good life. I wake up in the morning grateful for a new day to begin again. We can only live one day at a time so that is what I have been practicing. Being a deeply spiritual person I find hope, peace, joy and love in so many places. At the same time, I experience the crushing blow of violence in and around each of us as we walk in this world that is full of despair and misery.

I have to be honest with you all. I have been deeply affected by the story of Michele and Rob Reiner’s death this week. It weighs heavy on my heart. Not because they were celebrities because they were honest, kind and loving human beings who walked in this world bringing a message of hope to all who needed to hear it. Still they were met with a violent death at the hands of a son who they loved and tried tirelessly to help. This is not just their story. It is the story of humanity. It is how we are hurting and killing each other every day without even realizing it, because we can not see past the dark side of our humanity and into the light of Love from which we are all born.

In the quiet of my own home and in the stillness of my heart I pray every day for the people of the world who are painfully unaware of how their thoughts and feelings are impacting all of humanity. We are all connected. I truly believe and trust in that knowing. I can not love my neighbour without also loving my enemy. I can only love myself when I am able to accept with grace the Love that comes to and through me from my higher power. That is the light that shines in the darkness. That is the light that comes to us each year at this time. The longest and darkest day of the year is coming up very soon. Then the light will begin to return. We are all called to carry that light within us and shine it in the world wherever we are and in whatever we do.

This year I have had a different experience of what it means for me to be celebrating the season of Advent and soon Christmas as a Christian. I have been reflecting on the story of the nativity. The story of travelling toward the moment and place where Love and innocence are born into the world at a time of great upheaval. I have also been reviewing the events reported about the life of Jesus as he lived the human experience. In these stories I have seen my own story reflected. I have seen the story of what it means to be both human and holy. I see how we are called to stand up and challenge those dark forces that no longer carry the light of Love. When I hear and read stories of violence and overpowering condemnation, I find myself falling on my knees in prayer. Help me see through the darkness, I pray. Help me see through to the light of each human being who has been crushed and traumatized to the point that they can no longer experience anything but hatred, pain and a need to violate all that is good in this world. Then I pray for every soul on this beautiful Earth. I pray for the Peace that passes all understanding. I pray that Love surrounds us all and brings hope where it is most needed. I pray that everyone’s heart is opened to receive the gift that is theirs to receive.

So dear reader, whether you celebrate the season of Christmas or take time to reflect on whatever this time of year means for you, may you find what you are looking for. May you experience the gift of Love in its many forms. May you know Peace in your heart trusting in the Light to guide you along life’s path in the coming year. May all be well in your world. Many blessings to you.

Posted on by Beth 4

Finding Joy in Quiet Moments

It seems the world is spinning faster and faster every day. Chaos reigns all over. Yet in the quiet of a regular day I can feel the joy that is also there. There is hope everywhere when you are open to seeing and feeling it. Even if you are not looking when you become still and listen you can hear the birds chirping. They are telling us of a new world order that is coming our way. In fact it is already here. We just can’t see it yet.

I have been feeling the need to withdraw into myself for a while now. It takes great effort for me to engage with people these days. I have a hard time coming up with topics of conversation. So I often sit quietly and ask questions so others can share what is on their mind. I love to listen and hear their stories. It inspires me and keeps me connected. At the same time, what they share gives me more to consider in my own life. My heart reaches out to them and we connect Soul to Soul.

What is this need to withdraw and be quiet all about anyway? I am not sure exactly. I just know that I am much more relaxed and content in my life right now. I am comfortable in my own skin and enjoy my own company. It has taken a while to reconnect to this sense of belonging I so needed. To be part of something greater than myself again. It is bigger than the world outside my door. It is a sense of being a conduit of peace and kindness. It is of love and compassion. This feeling comes from a source that is more powerful and more genuine than I can describe in words.

For weeks I have felt lost in the wilderness. I did not know how to connect. I was longing for a sign or feeling a hand reaching out for me. I crawled into my bed and slept away the hours that felt empty and without purpose. Then in my dreams, a still small voice spoke inside me. During my quiet time, it gave me reassurance. I am not alone. I live in a world filled with love. People who genuinely care about one another surround me. They also care for the Earth.

At church this week I was sitting quietly waiting for the service to start. The music director, who I genuinely love as a kindred spirit, came over to me unexpectedly. He bent down and gave me a warm heartfelt hug. I can’t tell you what a gift that was to feel his arms around me even for a few seconds. I felt the presence of God in that moment. Something opened inside me that had been closed off. I listened intently to words of the songs being sung. I watched the choir as their faces lit up when they sang. I listened intently to the scripture readings and the prayers that were shared. Every word landed on my heart and brought me joy. The sermon stirred in me images of Truth and Reconciliation with the people who first inhabited this land. I felt sad for and with them. Still there was hope in the message. There were references to ways we can make peace with the past. By the end of the service, I felt myself emerging from the dark shadows where I had been dwelling.

I was reminded about all the people in my life who I care about and who care about me. It was a time of Truth and Reconciliation for me. I came to understand how often I forget to make that conscious decision to be quiet and still. Even just a few minutes of stillness is important. It is in the stillness that I find the truth of my well being.

I am happy to say that I am finding Joy in my life again. I am looking through a clearer lens than ever before. My spiritual home is where I live joyfully for each day is a new beginning. For now, as an Earth Dweller, I seek a new way. I want to experience fully what is in my every day. I want to find my way along life’s path to the beauty that surrounds me. 


I wish the same for you dear reader. What brings you joy? Where do you connect with the Still Small Voice in you? How do you walk upon the Earth with Love in your Heart?




Posted on by Beth 0

TURNING THE PAGE – Starting a New Chapter

For the past month or so I have felt lost on my life path. As I look ahead I notice there is a bend in the road and I can’t see beyond it. This is not unusual. It has happened many times in my life. Every time, it turns out there is something waiting for me. It is either something I was not expecting or not prepared for. Still, I met each situation with courage and adapted to the changes in ways that surprised even me.

This time though I am more curious than worried about what lies ahead.  I know it may have something to do with a course I am preparing to take in the fall.  At the same time, I am reckoning that there is something else that I am going to face.  It may be related to my physical or mental health. Or, it could be something external to myself.  These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about myself. This focus has become problematic. It has made me more insular.  I am always healthier and stronger when I consider other people. I focus on their circumstances. I think about how I might be of help to them. I use my own life experience as a guidepost.  When living alone, you must be consciously aware of your own circumstances. You are responsible for doing everything.

Family

Recently, I have been working through some very deep feelings. These feelings are associated with family of origin patterns. They continue to play out in my own family.  I raised two children to be strong, independent, and self-reliant people. They know how to make friends and be a good friend.  When I stand back, I see my adult children now. They have successfully grown to be adults who do just that.  I am proud of them for all they have accomplished and continue to do in their lives.  They both have children who I love and adore and I am very grateful to be their Nana.  That being said we are a very small family.  We get together periodically for family events or special holidays.   Mostly we live independently though.   My son moved away from home 30 years ago. He has been living on the other side of the ocean for close to 20 years to follow his career.  His children live there too. I only get to see them via FACETIME when both of our schedules and time zones line up.

My daughter and her family recently moved to a small community just outside of the city where I currently live.  I have spent the most time with my youngest grandson over the past 4 years. He will be starting school in the fall. This means he will not be coming to see Nana during the week any more.  We are all growing older and life is changing.  

Living On My Own

I currently live in a small one room studio in a seniors apartment complex with rent geared to income.  It serves me well. I have easy access to public transportation and a plaza that is just a few minutes walk away.  Living alone means I set my own schedule. I plan my own outings according to how I am feeling from day to day.

I do not see a move in my future anytime soon.  I have landed exactly where I am meant to be just as my children have.  I am like my children. I am independent, self-sufficient, and capable of living a full and meaningful life on my own. I have good friends nearby.   

Listening with My Heart

Right now I feel I am starting a new chapter in my life.  I am turning the page.   I have been very focused on my role as grandmother and that will remain an important part of my life.  I sense that going forward I will be less up close and personal. I will be more in the background, watching them from afar.  I see myself offering what I can when I can. I aim to be a role model for them to look to for guidance. I want to show how to live happily regardless of life’s offerings. Age doesn’t matter in this pursuit.

So what is it that I am seeing and feeling in my heart of hearts right now?  Where do I look for meaning and support?  My spiritual life has been a bit shallow as of late.  I go to church every Sunday and enjoy the services. Seeing the people, many of whom are dear friends, gives me much to be thankful for.  I hear God calling from a distance like an echo in the deep valley surrounded by mountains.   Sometimes I am in the valley. Sometimes I am on the mountainside. Other times, I am an eagle soaring above it all and I just want to fly off into the sunset.

I pray for clarity and guidance. I trust that whatever shows up, I will have the wherewithal to be fully present to what is.  I have seventy one years of life experience.  I am not sure how much longer I have on this Earth in this human suit.  I have a sense that the time for my passing is coming sooner than later. I want to make sure that I have touched all that I came here to touch.  I want to leave a trail of love. I hope this trail will be seen and felt long after I am gone.  

Finding Yourself on a Spiritual Path

So how do I do that?  Who is it I am being called to be and what do I do right now? What is happening in the present? Am I to lead from afar or up close and personal?  Who needs my gifts and where am I to share them?  The world needs compassion and kindness. I could spend all my time telling stories related to both.  Or I could simply listen and be present while others tell their stories and offer them kindness and compassion.  Maybe it requires a bit of both.  

There are so many ways that one can be of service. I choose to be a conduit of LOVE in this world.  Maybe I am thinking too much and not listening to my own heart and soul enough. Maybe I already know where and when to take the next step.  

What I have experienced of late is this.  Just when I feel strong enough to go out into the world and offer my gifts, my body intervenes. It says, “Hold on and take more time out.”  My energy shifts and moves from inside to outside and then back again.  Sometimes when I go out into the world, my empathetic self gets so overwhelmed. I just want to curl up in a ball on my bed and be alone with God.

That is when I pray for more assistance and guidance.  I can’t do it by myself.  I need support and a community to work within. I want to share not just my gifts but also the doubts and concerns I have.  We all could benefit from a soul companion or even a group of soul companions.  

Soul Companions

I have made many dear friends over the years. When I have moved, I kept in touch with most of them.  We are all scattered across the country and some even out of the country.  Thanks to technology we stay in touch with one another and share what is most meaningful.  When I moved from the west coast back to Ontario, I had to start making new friends. I needed to establish myself in a new community.  I was living closer to my daughter. Still, I wanted friends who were like-hearted. I also sought friends who were like-minded and close to my own age. So that has been the focus for the past six years.   It takes time and intention to build a circle of friends who you feel a deep connection with.  It comes with shared experiences and common knowledge of the world around us.  It is a process of opening up and sharing and being vulnerable.

Just after I moved in 2019, the COVID epidemic took hold. I spent a great deal of time at home in my room alone. I read, wrote, and connected with old friends online.  Fortunately,  my daughter and her family were in my bubble and I was able to visit with them quite regularly.  Time has passed now. We have all moved along. We desire to reach out and be present in the world.  Everything is changing and we are changing with it.

This is a good time to pay attention. Go out for a walk. Talk to people passing by. Call friends and invite them for a coffee. Invite a new friend for dinner or an old friend for tea. It is about connecting on many different levels with the world around us. That is how we will find our way together and bring our love into the world. Be loving, kind and compassionate and Love will find you wherever you are. Thanks for being here and spending time reading this. Your presence is felt wherever you are. Peace be with you!

Posted on by Beth 2

Finding Peace in Quiet Summer Days

The summer is well underway and life is very quiet for me these days.  What I mean by that is there is not much I feel like doing.  I am taking the summer “off”. I spend hours scrolling on my phone or IPAD.  It is a constant companion as I train my brain with word games, online card games and connecting with “friends” on Facebook.  I have been considering giving it all up for the summer and just being quiet with no technical distractions.  Then I question whether I can actually do it.  It has become such a strong habit that I wonder if it would qualify as an addiction.  Or is it just how I companion myself?

The truth is summers have always been quiet for me ever since I can remember.  I spent a lot of time on my own feeling bored when I was young. My friends were often away at family cottages or on family road trips while my family stayed home.  One summer I worked as a Mother’s Helper and went to their cottage with them.  As a teenager I got a summer job working at the Canadian National Exhibition (CNE) in Toronto for two weeks at the end of August till Labour Day.  I worked at a booth in the Better Living Building for a company called GH Wood where they displayed a million dollars in cash.  They were actually a company that made and sold cleaning products which is why they were in the Better Living building.  It was a boring job just standing there in some silly costume for six hours at a time but it gave me pocket money which I enjoyed having.  I had fun talking with the security guards who were there to protect the money.

For a few years in my early teens, my family rented a cottage in Sudbury Ontario for the summer.  Who goes to Sudbury for the summer?  Nobody I knew.  It was ok I guess as I did make some friends there and we got to go water skiing and surfboarding when our friends Stella and Jack came to visit with their boat.

The truth is I always had very little energy to do much in the summer especially when it was hot out.  That didn’t change as I got older.  In fact, it actually got worse.   As I aged I felt less and less like doing much of anything in the summer.  I have accepted that and have learned to enjoy it.  

What I love doing now is to watch baseball on TV.  The Toronto Blue Jays are like family to me.  I watch them and cheer them on as if they were all my sons.  It seems crazy to me that I enjoy the game so much still they are good company for me on a very quiet Sunday afternoon.

I sometimes feel sad and lonely on weekends, especially Sundays because I have always thought of it as family day.  Growing up I spent Sunday afternoons with my family and watching golf on TV with my dad. That is if I wasn’t having a nap.   Mom always made a good Sunday supper and we all gathered around the table together sometimes with special guests joining us.  In the summer dad would always barbecue. 

The hard part now is there is no one to remember those stories with or tell them too.  My sister who lives miles away is often busy with her family on Sundays and my kids have their own lives to live. Writing the stories is not the same as telling them around the dinner table, still I am doing my best to write them down.

When I was married Sunday was a work day.  My husband, a minister, would work in the morning and then often sleep on the sofa in afternoon. If he had people he had to visit in hospital, then he would head out.  I tried to get in the habit of making a good Sunday supper like my mom did.  Still I was on my own a lot with the kids, unless they were out playing with their friends, then I was just on my own. I didn’t always want to cook a big dinner.  It was a lonely time for me during those days when we lived far away from family.  When we moved back to our home town my in-laws often hosted Sunday suppers and it was a command performance for all the kids.  We were expected to show up and dress up.  My mother in law said if she was going to go to the trouble of making a nice dinner and setting a nice table then we could put some effort into dressing for the occasion — Sunday best.  Summer time was considered dress casual.

I now no longer plan things for after church on Sunday.  In fact, I enjoy that quiet time where I can read and perhaps even enjoy an afternoon nap.  Sunday suppers are no longer big meals unless I am invited out.  It is more like grazing all afternoon while watching baseball.  I wonder how many others who are older like me take a break from cooking on Sunday?

Being quiet by myself with time on my own in the summer is something I am practising and getting comfortable with.  There are days I simply let the time pass without really accomplishing much and that is ok because being present to what is in my day to day living gives me a sense of purpose. I am so grateful for all that I have. I am happy to have a lovely home to be in. I am thankful for a healthy body and for all the times I do spend with my family either in person or on the phone. I feel lonely and bored sometimes and that is ok too. I can change that anytime I choose to. I appreciate that the connection and love I have with my family and friends is much more than so many people have.

I have learned to make peace with loneliness by spending time quietly on my own. I enjoy my own company and the tranquility of these restful summer days. Being bored is just another way of saying I want to engage more with life. Figuring out how to do that is my Spiritual work. Is summer a busy time for you or are you taking time out from your busy lives to be quiet and rest?

Posted on by Beth 1

Waiting: A Journey through Darkness to Light

There are days when the skies are filled with clouds and the sun is hidden behind them.  Some days are darker than others, still when the clouds disappear the sun shines forth and I am lifted up. I am sure many of us are.

What does that mean exactly, lifted up!  Well to me it means seeing something beyond the obvious.  It means allowing the darkness to be illuminated and the wisdom of my heart to be seen and felt within my very being.

Now this is not just a physical phenomenon it is a spiritual experience.  It can happen in the darkest hours of the night or on a cold and snowy day when the winds are blowing so hard you can barely see two feet in front of you.

How and why is this such an enlightened experience then?  Do we have to be experiencing the “dark night of the soul” in order to recognize the wisdom that shines through that darkness?  Or is it something we can access anytime anywhere we choose to?  This is question mystics have been asking and answering for centuries.  We are all Spiritual beings first and foremost and so when we can find our way to trusting in that knowing then we are on our way home. 

Shining a light into the darkest regions of our hearts can be difficult at best and darn right impossible at the very least.  Often we don’t even know where those dark corners are hiding until we come up against a memory or a physical sensation that tells us we have landed on something that needs to be addressed.   What I know from my own experience is when I shine a light in those regions of my being I am not doing it alone.  I have experienced more than once the hand of what I call God taking my hand and leading me as well as comforting me along the way.

It is not always easy to explain what this looks or feels like for me, still I know it to be true.  I can shift my thoughts away from sorrow and sadness to love and compassion on the turn of a dime if I am connecting in that moment.  It is not always that easy though.  Still at times it can be.  Learning the process of mindfulness is one of the best ways I know of to shift gears and learn how to be present with all that is presenting itself in any given moment.

Still there are many moments when my heart is aching and my mind is telling me that I have every reason to be sad, angry or disappointed.  It is in those moments that I need to take a step back and look at myself from the perspective of one who is witnessing myself in pain.  It is not a problem to be solved.  It is simply an observation of something that is happening in the moment.  Sometimes it only takes a few minutes for me to see myself in a different light.  Other times it takes days even months to move through that dark time and find the light on the other side.

This is the value and joy of having a human experience.  To be able to eventually shift our way of seeing what is before us and finding the diamonds sparkling in the sawdust of all that has been working away at us over time.  Psychologists may argue that the dark regions are there because of the negative experiences we have had up until that moment we see them differently.  They may be right.  I have had many experiences that I have reframed over my lifetime and others that I can not let go of.  They are painfully resting in my heart waiting for me to let go and let God take them over.  

Hanging on to such negativity is, in a way, a form of self protection.  As long as I remember what it feels like to be so hurt or angry or even fearful then I am somehow protecting myself from it happening again.  If only that were true.  The reality is that as long as I hang on to all the pain I am only reliving the original experience over and over again.  So I am learning more and more how to live in the now and live through the pain until it is no longer hurting me.  It becomes a story that I can tell and has no particular affect on how I am feeling now.  This is something that I truly believe comes with the aging process.  It is a way of looking at the world and my life in context of what is now rather than what was then.

I learned to be more consciously aware of my human shortcomings when I was caring for my aging mother and my young children.  My mother talked over and over again about all the ways she was hurt in the past by family members.  She could not let it go and so everyone around her was forced to listen to her ongoing rhetoric about all the times she was ignored or left with no support when she was going through difficult times. Finally she cut herself off from her family all together.  At the end of her life, my sister and I were the only ones left who she was talking to and our children of course.  

As I age I am determined not to be the same way with my family members.  I am not sure how successful I am in that regard still I am doing my best to be present to what is now and to take responsibility for whatever I am feeling at any given point in time.  

Being an aging parent I hold a certain expectation of my children which they may or may not be able to live up to.  They don’t know what those expectations are neither do I know what their expectations are of me.  Unless we have the conversation which for us is damn hard I may go to my grave wondering what I could have done differently or how I would liked to have been treated differently.  

Ultimately, it is for us to make peace within ourselves and leave no stone unturned until we are assured that we have done the very best we could at any given point in time.  By then the light will shine for us in all the corners of our hearts so that Love can prevail above all else.  That is how I want to leave this world some day.

Posted on by Beth 5

Managing Hearing Loss: A Personal Journey

I am in my seventies now and I encounter a lot of people who admit they are living with some degree of hearing impairment as I am. Many have chosen to get hearing aids to help them manage conversations better. Others get along without the use of any form of aid. They choose this option mostly because they are not ready, not because they could not benefit from them. Others have tried them and just don’t like them for various reasons. If you are one of the lucky ones who has exceptional hearing then I am happy for you. Your ears and brain are still functioning at the top of your game.

Hearing loss is most often gradual and for some of us that means the people around us usually notice before we do that we are not hearing as well as we used to. We gradually learn to adapt by lip reading or other methods of communication. So we think we are doing fine. The truth is most of us are not. We are just working harder than we need to and are exhausting our nervous systems in the process. Living alone we often don’t notice that the tv or radio is on louder than it used to be. Even when we live with someone we blame them for mumbling or talking at us from another room.

Early Diagnosis

I have been hard of hearing since I was eighteen years old. The doctor told me then I had the hearing of someone in their sixties. It has been gradually getting worse since then. I got my first pair of hearing aids when I was twenty-two. Thus began my life long journey of learning how to adapt and hear and communicate in a world that is not user friendly for the hard of hearing. Loud noises or even music playing in the background can interfere with how hard someone has to work to listen. I must say though that technology has really improved over the decades and I am doing better now than I did in my thirties even though I hear less.

I have had years to study how the loss of hearing can affect my ability to socialize. For years I did not go to the movies because I missed too much of the dialogue and the background sound effects are too loud. I only went to foreign films with sub-titles. Now there is a device some theatres offer called Rearview Captioning that you can borrow. It goes in the cup holder and shows the subtitles under the screen. It works great. Now I can go to movies again.

When watching television I always have the closed captioning on or I don’t watch it at all. I lived without a television for more than ten years. I also avoided large gatherings of people for a long time because it was too hard to hear when I engaged in conversation. Sometimes I would go but would then sit quietly by myself just observing what was happening around me and usually people didn’t seem to notice. So even though I was out and about and trying to socialize with my friends or engage in the world, I often felt isolated and alone in the crowd. Eventually I made sure I did more one on one activities because that was easier for me to manage.

Ways We Adapt

What I have observed recently is how well I have adapted by learning all sorts of responses to give when I don’t really understand what someone has said to me without cutting off the conversation. I might say something like “that’s interesting or right or that makes sense….” The other person carries on talking assuming I am understanding them and I just sit quietly and “listen” as hard as I can to what they are saying hoping I will understand enough and have something equally as engaging to share when it is my turn to speak.

This is a learned behaviour that has developed over a long period of time. Listening is really hard work for someone with a hearing impairment, and sometimes we just don’t have the energy or ability to focus that long. So we learn to fake it or isolate ourselves so we don’t have to and that can get lonely. Most of us take longer to process information so long periods of silence in between sharing information is so helpful. In todays world though I have noticed that silence makes people uncomfortable. So they try to fill it up by talking more.

My granddaughter asked me a few months ago “Nana why do you say ‘right’ so much when I am talking to you?” That was the first time I was aware I was doing it and at the time I didn’t know why I did. So after observing my behaviour I came to realize it was because I didn’t understand everything she was saying to me still I wanted to acknowledge her. I have learned over the years that most people do not like having to repeat themselves if you let them know you did not understand what they said. Often they will just say “never mind it’s not important” which cuts the conversation short and leaves the listener feeling left out.

Challenges Along the Way

Many people speak very quickly and often cover their mouths with their hands or turn their face so the listener can’t see them. Children have higher pitched voices and talk quickly going from one subject to another which often makes it hard to follow. I have tried my best to remind my grandchildren to face me when they talk with me and also to speak more slowly so I can understand everything they say because what they tell me is important to me. I did the same with my children when they were growing up. The truth is I am the one doing most of the adapting. Most of my friends and even my family have a hard time remembering I am hearing impaired. My own mother told me once I never think about it. You always do so well. Yes I do and it is very hard work sometimes.

Like most things in life change is gradual as we get older. Our bodies slow down and we learn to take things at a steady pace. Many of my friends who now have the experience of not understanding or hearing as well as they were used to are saying to me “how did you do it for all those years?”. I tell them that is a very good question. The answer is I learned to listen with my whole self – not just my ears. I developed a keen sense of observation and learned to put things in context so I could fill in the gaps. I also developed my intuition so that I could figure out what someone was talking about. I am a good listener and I listen a lot to other people. My heart is always open so what I don’t understand with my head I can feel in my heart and I respond as best I can.

The Gift of Silence and Solitude

Some of my closest companions over the years have been authors of books that I have read. When I find myself alone, not ready to venture out into the world I choose to be quiet at home with a good book. It is often one written by someone and about something I can relate to. It helps me feel connected and not so isolated and alone. I refer to my books as my friends because the words that they contain offer solace to my soul when I need it most.

I found myself wanting to pull back more and more these past few months and I wrote about it recently. What I was noticing was that my hearing was getting worse and I was more and more tired after I was in a group setting. I saw my audiologist today and she confirmed for me what I had suspected. I have lost more hearing. So she adjusted my hearing aids and hopefully that will help improved things for me when it comes to understanding and taking part in social activities. Still I am aware that the fatigue is a side affect of hearing impairment and I must take time out in silence to restore my energy and not over task my nervous system.

If you can relate to any of what I am sharing here then I encourage you to take time to regroup and if you haven’t already done so get your hearing checked. Taking care of our bodies so that we can live a rich and vibrant life is key to our well being.

Posted on by Beth 4

A Christmas Angel

This week on December 19th my daughter, the youngest of my two children, will celebrate her 40th birthday. After she was born we came home and settled in for Christmas. It was a magical time. As I looked into her sweet baby eyes I knew I was in the presence of a dear little Angel. Her big brother who was six at the time, went shopping for a Christmas gift and chose an Angel tree topper. It was a family tradition every year after that to bring that Angel out and place it on the top of our tree. Over the years during my many moves I lost track of it and this year I found a new one called JOY.

That little baby is now married and mother of three children of her own. When I am with her and her family at this time of year I am reminded of that first Christmas when she came into the world. It has been my honour to be her mother over the years as she grew up to become the beautiful woman she is today.

Forty years have gone by so fast. It is hard to remember now all those milestones she went through and all the ways she has touched our lives. Still my heart glows in her presence and she is still an Angel to me.

Like her big brother before her, my daughter always made Christmas a special time for our family. When they were small their excitement filled the room as we gathered around the tree on Christmas morning. Later in the day we often had dinner with grandparents.

Now my son lives across the ocean in Berlin, Germany with his family and the grandparents are all gone. Aunts and Uncles, and cousins have moved away and we have lost touch for the most part. Family gatherings are much smaller now. Still my daughter and her family live close by me and we often gather with members of her husband’s family to celebrate the Love that is still all around us. My daughter continues the family tradition with her children as they gather around their tree on Christmas Day.

When we have our family gatherings I am happy to be one of the three grandmothers who sit at the table watching the excitement of the little ones and the bigger ones as they soak up all the love that surrounds them. There have been years when I have spent Christmas on my own. Those were the years when I lived far away or when my daughter and her family took a family vacation. Still I was never alone because I have so many wonderful memories to keep me company.

Christmas when I was a child was also magical as my father and mother always had many traditions that they kept each year. My younger sister and I grew up surrounded by people who loved us and they created an atmosphere at Christmas that gave us the foundation that is still carried on today.

I give thanks every day for my family past and present and for all the ways I was and am loved. I have been shown both the magic and the mystery of this time we call Christmas. Over 2000 years ago a light so bright shone in the world and Holy Love was born in human form.

May you know that Holy Love this year and trust that no matter your circumstances you are a bright light that shines in the darkness.

Peace be with you always.

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Hope, Peace, Joy and Love

The season of Advent is now being observed by many Christian churches around the world. I have to admit this is one of my favourite seasons because it reminds me to slow right down and take stock of where I am right now. It is so easy to rush toward Christmas and get caught up in all the holiday advertising and activities. I know there is a certain amount of planning and shopping to be done for our celebrations on Christmas Day and into the New Year. Still it does not have to consume me. I would much rather stay home and practice being quiet and listening to what my heart is longing for and what it wants to share.

In the Celtic tradition we are also leading up to the winter solstice which is an honouring of the darkness as the days get shorter and nights longer. This too is a time of quiet reflection and being still with what is before us.

As we are being invited to get busy and to get out and do our shopping, decorating our homes, preparing meals and having guests over, I also invite you to take a few minutes each day to notice where the darkness is presenting itself in your life. Are you wanting to go to bed earlier at night? Do you want to curl up in front a fire or light some candles and turn off the lights? Are you thinking of someone you haven’t seen or heard from for a while and want to reach out?

The first week of December we began with the theme of HOPE. This is not an easy message for many of us who are struggling with the pressures and demands of family life, work life, financial strain, food insecurity, health concerns and the list goes on. Many are grieving the loss of a loved one or are preparing to say good bye as their loved one is slowly leaving this world. Others are missing children and grandchildren who live far away. Still it is a time of great hope for families who prepare to be together travelling from distant locations. It is a time when children are excited to be surprised by gifts they will receive. It is a time when we as a community reach out and offer whatever we can to give others hope where it may be missing.

This second week of December we reflect on the message of PEACE. I think about the phrase “Peace that Passes All Understanding”. That is what I strive for and long for each and every day and especially now in this war torn world where it seems almost impossible to achieve. Yet the message of HOPE reminds us that PEACE is not an outcome rather a state of being. When we take time to be at PEACE within ourselves then we can bring peace into all that we do and everywhere we go. It is not something that just happens it needs our conscious awareness to come out of the darkness and into the light.

Coming up to the third week of December we can begin to celebrate the Joy of the Season. We can see the lights all around us at night. The moon has gone from dark to brighter and shines upon us illuminating all the beauty of this Earth as we so often rush on past or ignore it. Again we are invited to stop, slow down and experience the JOY of being present with and for each other no matter our circumstances. Take time to say hello and smile at a stranger. Take time to help an elderly neighbour or play with a small child who is longing for attention. Wherever you find yourself during this week practise finding joy in the little things. Listen to music that makes your heart glow with JOY. Pay attention to what sparks JOY for you and do it!

Finally the fourth week of December we will be focused on LOVE. The LOVE that came into the world with a light so bright that many tried to put it out. This LOVE will not be denied though because it is the essence of who each of us are and where we came from. We only need to acknowledge it and allow it to touch us to know that it is there. No matter if we are all alone or surrounded by crowds of people we are enveloped in LOVE. Accepting that as a matter of course and being willing to honour that in yourself and then in others is the greatest gift of all.

So dear readers may you know the gifts of HOPE, PEACE, JOY AND LOVE, during these weeks as they grow darker. May you find time and energy to give thanks for these gifts you have been given. Trust in the knowing that no matter your circumstances you are precious and a gift to humanity. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I am forever grateful for your presence.

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Nature’s Lessons: Encounters with ‘Squirrel TV’ from My Living Room

My living room window looks out onto two large trees. They are planted side by side along with some smaller trees. It is interesting to see how these trees reach out and touch each other. The branches interwoven make it easy for the squirrels to run up and down their trunks. They also jump from branch to branch and tree to tree. It is quite entertaining to watch. There is a large nest at the top of one tree. I imagine the squirrels rest there when they are not busy chasing each other.

Sitting in my chair, I look out the window. I take great pleasure in watching the activities of at least two squirrels. One of the trees is a chestnut tree so this time of year the squirrels are busy gathering the nuts. If anyone happens to be standing under the tree, they could be bombarded with a nut or two. The same may happen if anyone is walking on the sidewalk. I have seen it happen. Quite startling to the victim.

Some days I find myself wanting to sit back and relax in my recliner. I take time out to watch “squirrel tv”. One can learn a lot about how to play and exercise from these little creatures. The more I study them and their interactions with each other the more fun I see them having. Maybe it is not fun for squirrels to chase each other. Maybe it is not a game at all. I don’t know that much about the behaviour of squirrels. Right now I just enjoy watching them.

What I know is that outside my window, there is a wonderful example of the interdependence of nature. It is just steps from the building I live in. Birds, animals, trees, sun, rain, wind, and earth all depend on each other. Watching how everything lives together in one small part of the yard provides me with much to consider. Paying close attention to it gives me lots to contemplate.

I don’t have to watch a documentary on regular tv or travel miles outside the city to see it. It is right here in my own front yard visible from the comfort of my recliner chair.

So what am I learning from watching “squirrel tv”?

  1. It is good to live close together. The trees in the yard are growing close enough together so they branch out and touch one another. When it is really windy they bend and sway and support one another. As humans we need to be close enough to prop each other up when the winds of change blow hard.
  2. Find someone to play with. Watching squirrels chase each other up and down the trees. They leap across branches and repeat the process over and over again. This reminds me to get up and move and do it playfully.
  3. Take time to groom yourself. I often seen the squirrels sitting on a branch grooming themselves. They take great care in doing so. The ones who are mangy looking are not doing well. Isn’t that what it is like for all of us. When we feel good we take care of ourselves and when our energy is focused elsewhere we let things go. Still we feel better when we are well groomed.
  4. Have a nest to go home to. High in the tree is a large nest made of broken branches and leaves. It is built upon three branches that grow out from the trunk of the tall evergreen. Isn’t it great how the tree supports the nest? The squirrel has a place to gather food. It also has a place to sleep at night out of sight from predators. We all need a safe place to go to when our day is done.

So dear readers. Those are just a few lessons in life that I have been reminded of by the squirrels outside my window. As the seasons change, the trees will start to let go of their leaves. The view outside my window will evolve. I look ahead to seeing how the squirrels adapt. Stay tuned for more messages from “Squirrel TV”. Till next time……

Posted on by Beth 0

Earth Angels: Spreading Love and Peace in a Chaotic World

Calling All Angels

From the time I was a little girl I have had a fascination with angels.  I watched so many movies about angels and always loved the idea that there are angels out there somewhere looking out for us.  When my daughter was born my son picked out a beautiful Angel tree topper to put on our Christmas tree because his sister was born just six days before Christmas.  We lovingly referred to her as our Christmas Angel.  The tree topper was always the last thing to go on our Christmas tree each year.   Somehow having that angel looking out from the top the tree always made me feel good like she was a part of us.

I used to have a whole collection of little angels that sat on the windowsill in my apartment in Victoria, BC. Some were made of pottery, others were china and there was one little one that was actually a place card holder made of stainless steel with a brass halo.  I think two of them were salt and pepper shakers.  I can’t quite remember. Often I imagined each of the little angels had their own personality and I would talk with them. As with so many of my things, they were passed on to others when I made the move from BC to Ontario. The Angel that hung on my door came with me though.  Her name is Agnes. She comes out every year at Christmas to welcome people into my home.   I think my daughter still has the Christmas Angel tree topper.

Moving into my elder years I have developed a deeper appreciation for the angelic realm.  I know now that angels really do exist because I have encountered them.  Some of us even know people who we believe to be “Earth Angels” or angels who have come to Earth to help spread love and peace in a very chaotic world.

Regardless of whether you believe in angels or not I have no doubt you have had an experience of someone, an acquaintance or total stranger perhaps, who has offered you a special kindness that you were not expecting and left you feeling touched in a truly meaningful way.

These encounters are not always big moments. Perhaps someone whose path you crossed just took a moment to look you in the eye and smile at you as they passed by, wishing you a good day.  Somehow that moment made an otherwise tough day better and you felt seen and deeply touched to your core.  Has that ever happened to you?

I remember being at the grocery store one day and the woman behind me paid for my groceries, just because. As far as I know, she had no way of knowing that I only had a little bit of money and was hoping it was enough to cover the cost.  I had picked everything carefully and added up the cost before heading to the check out.  Perhaps I looked anxious as the cashier rang everything in, I don’t know.  For all intents and purposes I could have been just fine to pay for my own groceries and yet she decided to do a good deed for another human being that day and I just happened to be on the receiving end.   Was she an Earth Angel?  I don’t know.  Did she read my mind?  Again, I don’t know still I felt blessed.

What I do know for sure is there are people who make it their mission in life to spread love and offer peace to their fellow human beings and if that makes them an angel then so be it.  Either way it is a wonderful experience to be in their company and be on the receiving end of their generosity.

For me being kind and generous is a way of loving and offering the peace that passes all understanding to the world around me.  I trust that where there is compassion love follows.  We can all be more mindful of the beings around us and be more present to their goodness even if we have to look a little deeper sometimes.  

So wherever you are right now, dear reader I am curious to know if you have had experiences with angels or perhaps you are one yourself.   Feel free to tell me about it in the comments below if you would like to.  Thank you for reading and considering the possibility of Angels among us.  Have a great day.

Posted on by Beth 4

Holy, Holy, Holy

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Holy Molely, Holy Cow, Holy Crow, Holy Smokes……….. There are so many expressions that use the word holy to start with and some of them are used in every day language such as the ones I have just stated. Mmmmm I wonder how that started? Then there are phrases like the Holy Grail, Holy Sacraments, Holy Days, Holy Bible, Holy Scriptures that are used to define something that is dedicated to God or is sacred in some way or other to a group of people based on their religious or spiritual beliefs.

Going on Retreat

The title of this piece came to me over the weekend when I was attending a three day silent retreat at the Loyola House Retreat Centre in Guelph, Ontario. It was a bit of tongue in cheek at first because the night I arrived at this very “holy place” I sensed a shift in my own energy just as I walked through the doors into the reception area. It was a tingling sensation throughout my body. I was not expecting to have such a visceral experience upon arrival. I was both excited and a bit nervous so my tendency was to find humour in the experience to lessen the tension. It worked. I was laughing with myself as I walked around wondering what it was I was going to see or feel during my stay there.

I have been on Spiritual Retreats before and had positive experiences. This time was different though. I was coming with a particular question in my heart and mind because I have been having a strong feeling for some time that I was meant to be there at that particular retreat. So the obvious question was “Why Am I here?” The other questions that were popping up for me were “What are my gifts? and Where and How am I to best share them?”

Answering a Call

I have been feeling called to some sort of service since the beginning of the year and yet what that looked like was very vague and obscure to me. So I retreated to see if I could quiet my busy mind and calm my inflated ego long enough to get some answers to my questions. It is important to me that I bring Love and Compassion into the world along with Gratitude and Humility. So I am learning how to do that one day and one step at a time.

The thing is nothing really miraculous happened to me while I was there. At least nothing that seemed that out of the ordinary to me. I found myself sleeping a lot and dreaming a lot. Somehow I was being summoned to speak up and tell my story. That is hard to do at a silent retreat. Still I was listening and paying attention and asking where? tell who? what stories? I did a lot of praying during my quiet time on my own. I also did a lot on inner listening waiting for a sign or words that would point me in the right direction.

Personal Awakening

On Saturday afternoon about half way through the retreat, I took myself into the lounge area and sat down on a big red chair facing a large window that overlooked a garden with three statues. The statue of a woman standing with her arms out stretched grabbed my attention. I closed my eyes and sat quietly holding the image in my mind. What I experienced next was a laying on of hands. I was sitting with my eyes closed and felt these warm hands on my head. There was a rush of energy that flowed through my entire body right down to my feet and into the floor. It was same sensation I felt when I walked in the door on the first night. I immediately opened my eyes to see who was standing there touching me and no one was there. I was all alone in the room. This time I did not laugh it off. I simply said Thank You. It was a gift I had been given and I had a sense this gift was meant to be shared.

The Gift

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I had a strong sense where the gift came from because I had been praying for a sign from God/Goddess to show me why I was there. The retreat was titled Living in the Heart of Jesus. I knew then that Jesus was standing there with me and I was feeling his compassionate, loving heart energy. It was that simple and that profound for me to be able to embody that love so quickly and with such a complete assurance that I was in the right place at the right time. I was an open vessel ready to receive the gift. I was being called out into the world to be a conduit of that grace and love and to bring that energy with me wherever I go and in whatever I do. There were no words exchanged and no messages to impart. It was just a gentle touch and I knew how I needed to be. There was no demand or command to do anything in particular. It was simply about doing everything with Love and Compassion and being Love in the world.

So Yes indeed Holy, Holy, Holy. May Peace find you wherever you are and may Love be your constant companion. Blessed Be.

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