Category: Life and Friendship

The Joys of Pet Sitting: Learning from Furry Friends

I am a pet sitter. When my friends go away I to go to their house and stay with their pets. I love both cats and dogs. I choose not to have one of my own for various reasons. So having the opportunity to spend time with other people’s pets is a real treat for me.

Feline Friends

Someone asked me recently what have you learned from the cats you stay with? It was a really good question that I had to think about for a while. Both places where I cat sit have two cats so it is fun watching them interact. One house there is a brother and sister who are about 7 years old. The other house has two sisters who just turned one. I have been watching them all since they were tiny kittens.

What I have observed is there are two activities that their lives revolve around — eating and sleeping. Meal time is a ritual . First they let me know it is time to eat by circling around their bowls or around my feet. Second, they jump at my feet while I dish out their food. Finally I put the bowls down and watch them gobble it up. Once that ritual is completed it is time to find a comfy spot to curl up for a nap.

Sometimes they curl up together which always looks cozy. Other times they find their own favourite spots. Either way they are always together during the day checking in on each other.

Entertaining the Cats

In between eating and sleeping is play time. Sometimes they play with each other and sometimes with a bug or fly that happens to be around. The two younger ones like to sit at the glass patio door and watch the squirrels and chipmunks go by. There are various cat toys that they all like to engage with from time to time. They love to chase the laser light around the room. They also love to jump and try to catch the feather on the end of the stick.

Still eating and napping seems to be their favoured activity. So what does that teach me? Well the truth is I am a pro at napping. I love to curl up in the afternoon and have my own version of cat napping. I also love mealtime especially when someone else prepares it and serves it to me.

Squirrel TV

Canine Friends

My dogie friend has different rituals. She greets me at the door with an expectant look on her face. I go to her treat drawer and pull out a small treat for her. She comes and takes it from my hand right away. From that moment on we are bonded.

She likes to eat at night after I go to bed. I put the food out for her in the morning. She will nibble for a short time then leave it. When I get up in the morning though the food is all gone. She is teaching me to only eat when you are hungry and grazing can be a good way to go.

Throughout the day we go for walks and check out the neighbourhood. Sometimes we meet up with neighbours. No matter how many times we make the same walk there is always something new to smell or look at. The landscape does not change for us but it does for dogs.

When it comes to napping she likes to curl up with me on the couch. At night once I am in bed, she jumps up and curls up behind my legs. She is so cozy and cuddly. I love the feel of close by.

What I have learned from her is be as active as you feel like being. Get out for walks several times a day. Play with your toys and make sure you connect with your people from time to time.

I have also learned that cuddling and staying close to one another is a way of staying in touch, literally. Spend time observing the world around you. Respond if you want to or feel the need to alert others of possible intrusion. My dogie friend only barks when there is someone at the door. The rest of the time she just quietly goes about her business.

Being a pet sitter is a privilege that I am very grateful for. Animals are wonderful companions and they each have their own unique personalities. They are loyal in their own particular way and offer much to learn from if you pay close enough attention. I get along well with my feline and canine companions and always look forward to spending time with them.

So in conclusion, what our pets teach us is find joy in eating every day. Create comfy spaces to take naps. Keep your people close to you. Make sure you get out and walk your neighbourhood several times a day.

I would love to hear your stories of being with pets and what you have learned from them.

Posted on by Beth 2

Finding Peace in Quiet Summer Days

The summer is well underway and life is very quiet for me these days.  What I mean by that is there is not much I feel like doing.  I am taking the summer “off”. I spend hours scrolling on my phone or IPAD.  It is a constant companion as I train my brain with word games, online card games and connecting with “friends” on Facebook.  I have been considering giving it all up for the summer and just being quiet with no technical distractions.  Then I question whether I can actually do it.  It has become such a strong habit that I wonder if it would qualify as an addiction.  Or is it just how I companion myself?

The truth is summers have always been quiet for me ever since I can remember.  I spent a lot of time on my own feeling bored when I was young. My friends were often away at family cottages or on family road trips while my family stayed home.  One summer I worked as a Mother’s Helper and went to their cottage with them.  As a teenager I got a summer job working at the Canadian National Exhibition (CNE) in Toronto for two weeks at the end of August till Labour Day.  I worked at a booth in the Better Living Building for a company called GH Wood where they displayed a million dollars in cash.  They were actually a company that made and sold cleaning products which is why they were in the Better Living building.  It was a boring job just standing there in some silly costume for six hours at a time but it gave me pocket money which I enjoyed having.  I had fun talking with the security guards who were there to protect the money.

For a few years in my early teens, my family rented a cottage in Sudbury Ontario for the summer.  Who goes to Sudbury for the summer?  Nobody I knew.  It was ok I guess as I did make some friends there and we got to go water skiing and surfboarding when our friends Stella and Jack came to visit with their boat.

The truth is I always had very little energy to do much in the summer especially when it was hot out.  That didn’t change as I got older.  In fact, it actually got worse.   As I aged I felt less and less like doing much of anything in the summer.  I have accepted that and have learned to enjoy it.  

What I love doing now is to watch baseball on TV.  The Toronto Blue Jays are like family to me.  I watch them and cheer them on as if they were all my sons.  It seems crazy to me that I enjoy the game so much still they are good company for me on a very quiet Sunday afternoon.

I sometimes feel sad and lonely on weekends, especially Sundays because I have always thought of it as family day.  Growing up I spent Sunday afternoons with my family and watching golf on TV with my dad. That is if I wasn’t having a nap.   Mom always made a good Sunday supper and we all gathered around the table together sometimes with special guests joining us.  In the summer dad would always barbecue. 

The hard part now is there is no one to remember those stories with or tell them too.  My sister who lives miles away is often busy with her family on Sundays and my kids have their own lives to live. Writing the stories is not the same as telling them around the dinner table, still I am doing my best to write them down.

When I was married Sunday was a work day.  My husband, a minister, would work in the morning and then often sleep on the sofa in afternoon. If he had people he had to visit in hospital, then he would head out.  I tried to get in the habit of making a good Sunday supper like my mom did.  Still I was on my own a lot with the kids, unless they were out playing with their friends, then I was just on my own. I didn’t always want to cook a big dinner.  It was a lonely time for me during those days when we lived far away from family.  When we moved back to our home town my in-laws often hosted Sunday suppers and it was a command performance for all the kids.  We were expected to show up and dress up.  My mother in law said if she was going to go to the trouble of making a nice dinner and setting a nice table then we could put some effort into dressing for the occasion — Sunday best.  Summer time was considered dress casual.

I now no longer plan things for after church on Sunday.  In fact, I enjoy that quiet time where I can read and perhaps even enjoy an afternoon nap.  Sunday suppers are no longer big meals unless I am invited out.  It is more like grazing all afternoon while watching baseball.  I wonder how many others who are older like me take a break from cooking on Sunday?

Being quiet by myself with time on my own in the summer is something I am practising and getting comfortable with.  There are days I simply let the time pass without really accomplishing much and that is ok because being present to what is in my day to day living gives me a sense of purpose. I am so grateful for all that I have. I am happy to have a lovely home to be in. I am thankful for a healthy body and for all the times I do spend with my family either in person or on the phone. I feel lonely and bored sometimes and that is ok too. I can change that anytime I choose to. I appreciate that the connection and love I have with my family and friends is much more than so many people have.

I have learned to make peace with loneliness by spending time quietly on my own. I enjoy my own company and the tranquility of these restful summer days. Being bored is just another way of saying I want to engage more with life. Figuring out how to do that is my Spiritual work. Is summer a busy time for you or are you taking time out from your busy lives to be quiet and rest?

Posted on by Beth 1

I Love Sticks

A few days ago I was out for a walk with my now four year old grandson.  As we were walking I noticed he would stop and pick up a stick and sometimes a stone or two.  When you are that much closer to the ground you notice these things and being a curious four year old he wanted to examine them more closely.  I never know what is going to intrigue him on our walks.  I just know to be prepared to stop and wait for his little body and mind to investigate what he is observing.

On this particular day we decided to walk over to the park near by so he could run around on the grass and play on the jungle gym.  As we approached the park he ran to the trees and began hugging them like they were his old friends.  Like his mother he loves being outside and exploring his surroundings.  

A squirrel scurried by as we walked toward the playground and he stopped to say hello.  The natural world is his home away from home and he is quite happy to just run free like the wind.  Eventually we made it to the swing sets and slides and he began climbing and sliding.  Then he crawled through the tubes and sat in one for quite a while quietly by himself.  I wondered what he was thinking about.

As I watched this little guy entertain himself I was in awe at how much he observes and takes in.  Sometimes he talks about it and lets me know what is on his mind and sometimes he just goes along quietly doing his own thing.

On the way back home he stopped by a gathering of trees to pick up a particular stick he found sitting on the ground in front of him.  He held it in his hand, swung his arms, then he skipped along the path.  As he was skipping he said out loud.  “I just love sticks!”.  That was the highlight of my day.  

Posted on by Beth 0

Confessions of a Caregiver

I have been reading a lot about caregiver burnout lately. I have friends who have people in their lives who they are caring for. I hear them tell me it is more and more difficult to keep going because they too are tired and need help themselves. Still being a dedicated caregiver means they carry on because there are no real alternatives unless there is money available to invest in paid service providers. Even then if they have the resources the demand is getting greater and the supply is limited. Not everyone has the extra money to spend though. So many caregivers are putting their own health at risk while caring for someone else in their family or a dear friend. Community resources are very limited right now and in some cases long wait lists are a barrier to getting the support needed.

All this can also lead to elder abuse which is also an even bigger problem in our communities right now. As a growing population of seniors age and become more and more isolated from family and friends they are at greater risk of being ignored and neglected. Many of them have lost interest and live with severe depression or worse, dementia. They are not able to access the supports they need or even to ask for help. It is a very sad reflection on how our society views the important role our elders can play in our society.

As we age, more and more demand is put on self care as the only means to continue living with dignity. What if you are a single woman, living independently. What if you have chronic medical conditions such as diabetes, hearing loss, arthritis and diet sensitivities such as dairy or gluten. What if you are living on a very low fixed income and are doing everything you can to manage your finances.

I confess that I am living with all those conditions and more. Sometimes I feel burned out. Taking care of myself is a full time job. There are days when I just want to quit the job and find a better one that is more fun. If only that were possible…hahaha…. By the time I take care of myself, my finances, and my home I have very little reserves left for other things.

So what I am learning in this process?

  • I am learning to be very grateful for my body that carries me through life relatively pain free rather than bemoaning it.
  • I am learning to be grateful for the amazing care team of doctors who monitor my health conditions and help me to stay on track. So many of my friends who are in similar situations are not so lucky.
  • I am being reminded that if I want to have fun I need to find it in the process of my daily living
  • I am looking to find a hobby that I can do at home on a tight budget that is fun for me to do
  • I am learning to do things slowly and steadily until everything is taken care of
  • I am learning to keep reaching out to my friends and staying in contact with my family
  • I am learning that taking a day off to just rest and restore from time to time is good self care
  • I am learning that having a Spiritual practice really helps me stay focused and present in the now
  • I am learning to laugh at and with myself more when I hear myself whining or complaining and to give myself more love

So dear readers whether you are a caregiver for someone else or for yourself or both, take time out to be grateful and kind to yourself. Learn to laugh at the antics of your wounded self and to love yourself even more because you are so worth it. If you are aware of a senior living alone take a minute to check in on them from time to time. Just knowing that someone is thinking about you can make all the difference.

Have a great day!

Posted on by Beth 4

Nature’s Lessons: Encounters with ‘Squirrel TV’ from My Living Room

My living room window looks out onto two large trees. They are planted side by side along with some smaller trees. It is interesting to see how these trees reach out and touch each other. The branches interwoven make it easy for the squirrels to run up and down their trunks. They also jump from branch to branch and tree to tree. It is quite entertaining to watch. There is a large nest at the top of one tree. I imagine the squirrels rest there when they are not busy chasing each other.

Sitting in my chair, I look out the window. I take great pleasure in watching the activities of at least two squirrels. One of the trees is a chestnut tree so this time of year the squirrels are busy gathering the nuts. If anyone happens to be standing under the tree, they could be bombarded with a nut or two. The same may happen if anyone is walking on the sidewalk. I have seen it happen. Quite startling to the victim.

Some days I find myself wanting to sit back and relax in my recliner. I take time out to watch “squirrel tv”. One can learn a lot about how to play and exercise from these little creatures. The more I study them and their interactions with each other the more fun I see them having. Maybe it is not fun for squirrels to chase each other. Maybe it is not a game at all. I don’t know that much about the behaviour of squirrels. Right now I just enjoy watching them.

What I know is that outside my window, there is a wonderful example of the interdependence of nature. It is just steps from the building I live in. Birds, animals, trees, sun, rain, wind, and earth all depend on each other. Watching how everything lives together in one small part of the yard provides me with much to consider. Paying close attention to it gives me lots to contemplate.

I don’t have to watch a documentary on regular tv or travel miles outside the city to see it. It is right here in my own front yard visible from the comfort of my recliner chair.

So what am I learning from watching “squirrel tv”?

  1. It is good to live close together. The trees in the yard are growing close enough together so they branch out and touch one another. When it is really windy they bend and sway and support one another. As humans we need to be close enough to prop each other up when the winds of change blow hard.
  2. Find someone to play with. Watching squirrels chase each other up and down the trees. They leap across branches and repeat the process over and over again. This reminds me to get up and move and do it playfully.
  3. Take time to groom yourself. I often seen the squirrels sitting on a branch grooming themselves. They take great care in doing so. The ones who are mangy looking are not doing well. Isn’t that what it is like for all of us. When we feel good we take care of ourselves and when our energy is focused elsewhere we let things go. Still we feel better when we are well groomed.
  4. Have a nest to go home to. High in the tree is a large nest made of broken branches and leaves. It is built upon three branches that grow out from the trunk of the tall evergreen. Isn’t it great how the tree supports the nest? The squirrel has a place to gather food. It also has a place to sleep at night out of sight from predators. We all need a safe place to go to when our day is done.

So dear readers. Those are just a few lessons in life that I have been reminded of by the squirrels outside my window. As the seasons change, the trees will start to let go of their leaves. The view outside my window will evolve. I look ahead to seeing how the squirrels adapt. Stay tuned for more messages from “Squirrel TV”. Till next time……

Posted on by Beth 0

Earth Angels: Spreading Love and Peace in a Chaotic World

Calling All Angels

From the time I was a little girl I have had a fascination with angels.  I watched so many movies about angels and always loved the idea that there are angels out there somewhere looking out for us.  When my daughter was born my son picked out a beautiful Angel tree topper to put on our Christmas tree because his sister was born just six days before Christmas.  We lovingly referred to her as our Christmas Angel.  The tree topper was always the last thing to go on our Christmas tree each year.   Somehow having that angel looking out from the top the tree always made me feel good like she was a part of us.

I used to have a whole collection of little angels that sat on the windowsill in my apartment in Victoria, BC. Some were made of pottery, others were china and there was one little one that was actually a place card holder made of stainless steel with a brass halo.  I think two of them were salt and pepper shakers.  I can’t quite remember. Often I imagined each of the little angels had their own personality and I would talk with them. As with so many of my things, they were passed on to others when I made the move from BC to Ontario. The Angel that hung on my door came with me though.  Her name is Agnes. She comes out every year at Christmas to welcome people into my home.   I think my daughter still has the Christmas Angel tree topper.

Moving into my elder years I have developed a deeper appreciation for the angelic realm.  I know now that angels really do exist because I have encountered them.  Some of us even know people who we believe to be “Earth Angels” or angels who have come to Earth to help spread love and peace in a very chaotic world.

Regardless of whether you believe in angels or not I have no doubt you have had an experience of someone, an acquaintance or total stranger perhaps, who has offered you a special kindness that you were not expecting and left you feeling touched in a truly meaningful way.

These encounters are not always big moments. Perhaps someone whose path you crossed just took a moment to look you in the eye and smile at you as they passed by, wishing you a good day.  Somehow that moment made an otherwise tough day better and you felt seen and deeply touched to your core.  Has that ever happened to you?

I remember being at the grocery store one day and the woman behind me paid for my groceries, just because. As far as I know, she had no way of knowing that I only had a little bit of money and was hoping it was enough to cover the cost.  I had picked everything carefully and added up the cost before heading to the check out.  Perhaps I looked anxious as the cashier rang everything in, I don’t know.  For all intents and purposes I could have been just fine to pay for my own groceries and yet she decided to do a good deed for another human being that day and I just happened to be on the receiving end.   Was she an Earth Angel?  I don’t know.  Did she read my mind?  Again, I don’t know still I felt blessed.

What I do know for sure is there are people who make it their mission in life to spread love and offer peace to their fellow human beings and if that makes them an angel then so be it.  Either way it is a wonderful experience to be in their company and be on the receiving end of their generosity.

For me being kind and generous is a way of loving and offering the peace that passes all understanding to the world around me.  I trust that where there is compassion love follows.  We can all be more mindful of the beings around us and be more present to their goodness even if we have to look a little deeper sometimes.  

So wherever you are right now, dear reader I am curious to know if you have had experiences with angels or perhaps you are one yourself.   Feel free to tell me about it in the comments below if you would like to.  Thank you for reading and considering the possibility of Angels among us.  Have a great day.

Posted on by Beth 4

The Baseball Game of Life: A Metaphor for Personal Growth and Challenges

I have developed a love affair with baseball. About four years ago I began watching baseball with my then roommate.  She was and still is an avid Blue Jays fan.  Every night we would watch the games together in the summer and I learned about baseball from her.  I got to know the players and who was good and well liked by the fans.  I also got to know the other teams and how competitive this game really is.

After a while I began to form my own opinions and favourites based on personality and performance. I became a Blue Jays fan myself and am still, to this day, loyal to my team.  Growing up in Toronto it only made sense.

When I moved out on my own two years later I missed my baseball time and began watching it on my own.   There was something about the game that drew me in.  I like it because it is slow and strategic and there is no fighting among the teams, at least hardly ever.  

The more I watched the game the more I see how the strategies get played out and how players get to know how to respond to the pitches and work together to score runs or defend against them.  I now have so much respect for both the offensive side and the defensive side of the game though I am just a junior when it comes to my knowledge of either side.

Metaphor for Life

Baseball, in my mind, is a good metaphor for life.  When we come up to bat we are at home plate and sometimes we hit a home run and sometimes we strike out.  Either way where we start is called home.  When we hit the homer we make our way around the bases as fast as we can until we are back home again.  When we strike out we leave home and go back to the dugout to contemplate our last move and how we could have done better until it is time to go home again.   

Other times we hit the ball just hard enough to make it to first base or if we are lucky to second or third on the first hit.  Then we wait for someone else to come to bat and hit us home.  Isn’t that a lot like life?  We all start from some place called home and then we make our way back independently running as fast as we can or strolling around the bases with a little help from our family and friends.  Sometimes we are left on the base and don’t make it back right away so we have to start over.

I have had my fair share of home runs in my life starting new projects and then working as hard as I can to bring the project home.  Just like in baseball where the playing fields change, we move around and we have to get used to the new terrain.  Some people work the same job and for the same company their whole career.  I know people who retired after 40 years from the same company and lived in the same house which they bought and paid for with the wages they earned.  Retirement for them was going home and not coming back to work.

For me though, I did similar work for lots of different organizations.  I always started at home office or home plate and worked my way around the organization helping them set up systems and clear administrative structures that worked to keep the ball in play.  When the game was completed I moved on.  I never stayed with one team for long.   

I moved around a lot in my life.  I had several different homes that suited my needs at the time.  I learned to play different positions and how to be a good leader as well as team player.  I could pick up the slack at new positions and learned to see the field from different perspectives.

Sometimes, though, life throws you a curve ball and you either hit it and make it to the next base or you miss it and have to try again.  

Building Community and Team Spirit

I was once offered an incredible opportunity to work on a pilot project helping young adults make the transition from school life to community living.  These young people had various forms of intellectual challenges and needed special accommodations to be able to work or volunteer in the community.  What made this project so special was that it was based on individualized funding and specialized programming so that I could go out into the community and find places for them to be of service based on their individual interests and dreams.  I had ten clients who I worked with and at the end of the first year they were all working or volunteering in a community organization where they felt they belonged and where their gifts and talents were honoured and appreciated.  They were all happy.  

After having such success with the first group I looked forward to the next year and another group of young people coming through the program.  Sadly though, the provincial government did not see the need for such a program to continue and decided to incorporate the work we did into a more generic program which was cheaper and where everyone was lumped together into workshops and government funded group activities.  I was offered a new contract at $15,000 less than my original contract to work with the same people while I watched their dreams being squashed before my eyes.  I said no and went back to the dugout to find my way back to home plate. Before I left though the young adults and their families had a farewell party for me and told me how much they appreciate the work we did together.  They knew I respected them and they in turn respected me.  For me that was my own personal home run.  

Team Building and Commitment

Having worked for many different organizations in different capacities all to do with office administration, human resources and sometimes social networking or community development, I have learned the benefits of working independently as well as in a team environment.

Now that I am retired I spend my time in the stands observing and watching the games being played from a spectators perspective. My role in the game of life is to cheer on those who are still running the bases, managing the teams and keeping the games going.  

I watch and support my children raise their children and support their spouses.  I spend time with my friends and peers making our way through life supporting organizations that we believe in.  

When and where possible we are out on the front lines advocating for a better world for our grandchildren and all children to grow up in.  We volunteer in and support community organizations that we believe in.  We may be in the bleachers still we are participating in the game because without the spectators there is no game.  

So dear readers whether you see the metaphor the way I do or whether you even like or know anything about baseball may you know that what ever position you play or however your participate you are part of the team we call the human race and your role is important.  

Let’s Play Ball!

Posted on by Beth 3

The Value of Lifelong Friendships: Cherishing Old and New Bonds

This past month I have had the great pleasure of meeting up with some dear friends I have known most of my life. One woman was my best friend all through elementary school. She lived just around the corner from me and we went to the same church. We sang in the girls choir together and went skiing almost every weekend in the winter with her mother. We made memories that lasted a lifetime and have watched each other grow up and move through life. We don’t see each other often and when we do it is easy and seamless. We just pick up where we left off.

Another friend and I also met in public school. We share memories and similar life experiences of growing up in the same public school and having mutual friends. We lost touch with one another for several years and then reconnected on FaceBook. It was such a thrill to meet up and discover that the friendship and connection was still there. This past weekend I met her in Toronto and we had a great conversation about family and how we now interact with our grown up children. We talked about living in Toronto in the “good old days” when we knew all the artistic venues. We share a love of art.

I also met up with a friend in Toronto who I have known since my teen years when I dated his brother. We have been connected ever since. We have a lot in common and share many family stories and history together. We have grown up and grown older through the years and seen each other go through many life changes. We have stayed in touch and loved each other through it all. He knows my children and that gives me a warm feeling in my heart because I know how much he cares about me and them. We sat on a bench by the waterfront and just chatting with one another watching the boats go by. It was so nice to be able to “just be” together without any particular agenda.

I realized today that there is a lot of value in having friends who have known you most of your life. You know they know you in ways that newer friends don’t. We have been witness to the struggles of each others lives as well as the many joys and celebrations. We have shared with each other the deep dark secrets that live in our hearts and that we only trust with a select few.

I have had an adventurous life moving around to various places throughout the country. Still somehow via internet and yes sometimes snail mail and telephone, I have managed to stay in touch with many friends across this land. I am blessed with a community of support that offer me much in the way of good memories, lots of laughter and the making of new memories.

I value all my friends, new and old, and am so grateful for the connection we have. I love being part of their lives and also having them in mine. We form a circle of trust that offers us all a bond of loving friendship that not everyone is privileged to have. I don’t take any of it for granted and do my best to stay in touch with as many of them as possible as often as I can.

So dear readers I hope you find yourself in a circle of trusted friends who know and love you just the way you are. Friends you can laugh with and cry with when you need to. Friends who will hold your hand and give you the support and encouragement you need. Most importantly may you be that kind of friend for others and in the end know how to be your own best friend.

Posted on by Beth 1