Over the past few months I have spent countless hours meeting with medical professionals and discussing various aspects of my aging body. So many parts are showing signs of age and deterioration. Our bodies after all are not meant to last forever. It was discouraging at first and I found my energy got very low. Each thing on its own is not that bad still the cumulative effects of all of them together left me wondering how I was going to cope as things continued to get worse. I am on my own and manage everything in my life alone. I find it takes longer to do everything these days and there is always more to do than I have the energy for. I gave up having a dust free home and perfectly organized space long ago. Now I spend more and more time tending to my body. There is always something that needs to be checked or taken care of.

At the same time, my energy and desire to paint, write, create beautiful things is at an all time high. My mind is always developing new ideas. My Spirit is calling me out to be present and show myself though acts of kindness and spreading love in the world. I am finding even the simplest things take planning and managing. I spent most of my life working as an administrator and office manager and so am well equipped and familiar with time management strategies and ways of accomplishing tasks in the most efficient manner.

At this phase in my life I am not sure that accomplishing tasks is where I am heading. I am more interested in knowing how well we can live together. I am concerned about the state of our human identity and how we communicate with each other or don’t. I began to realize this past week that my body is communicating with me and letting me know where I need to focus my attention right now. All the aches and pains, weaknesses and strengths are part of the aging process. Coming to terms with that means also coming terms with my own mortality. I won’t be here forever. I have already lost parts of my body over the years through surgeries and still my body continues to function and compensate. So learning to accept and make peace with the changes that my body is going through is accepting the limitations that it is now telling me it has. No longer do I “push through” the pain and force myself to do more till I am at the point of exhaustion. I am learning to honour my body and be grateful for all that it is still able to do and the ways it is teaching me to move more slowly through life so that I can see clearly all the intimate details I once rushed by.

I look at myself in the mirror and see the soft giggly parts, the lines carved into my skin, the bags under my eyes and the soft round curves. I see the grey hair the missing eyebrows and the beauty in all of it. It is a magical process to look at the aging body and see it’s beauty and perfect design. It is serving me well and giving me all that I need to be able to enjoy life to its fullest. I am discovering that there is a intrinsic design in the body that allows for some parts of the brain to develop later in life which makes it easier for us to do things. I am learning how to make certain tasks easier by breaking them down into smaller tasks and doing them one step at a time. I have the time now to do that. When I need to rest I do. I have let go of the judgment of myself and just let myself be wherever I am in the moment. Each day is different. That is the beauty of life. Time flows from one day to the next and without any need to see it as a race to the finish line we can simply enjoy the journey.

Yes my body is aging and it is teaching me how to enjoy the simple things in life. To savour each moment and to learn how to play in new ways. Creating a life of pleasure and trusting that no matter how things change there will always be something to be grateful for gives me a sense of peace and satisfaction. My mind may not be able to remember things at times and yet my body has memories that are unique to me and me alone. Making peace with those memories also means making peace with and appreciating all that life has offered me. The more I am in touch with my body the more compassion and kindness I feel for myself and others. We all live in a human body and each one of us has to cope with the aging process in our own way. I am making peace with my aging body.