Tag: mindfulness

Finding Peace Amid Chaos: A Personal Reflection

At the end of October or beginning of November, I can’t quite remember, I retreated from the world. I needed time to be quiet and find the stillness within me. I needed to be peaceful and focus my attention on what my heart was telling me. My mind is always busy thinking about my family, friends and events in the world. I do my best to live in gratitude and to be kind, still I am human. I can have moments of frustration and deep and abiding anger at what I see and hear about what is happening around the world these days. Even in the lovely seniors apartment building where I live I hear about in fighting among the residents. They complain about the silliest things instead of feeling grateful for all we are given here. So I needed to take a break from it all.

It has been a deeply personal time of reflection and contemplation. Doing my best to stay in the present moment. I go to bed every night with love in my heart giving thanks for all the many ways I am graced with a good life. I wake up in the morning grateful for a new day to begin again. We can only live one day at a time so that is what I have been practicing. Being a deeply spiritual person I find hope, peace, joy and love in so many places. At the same time, I experience the crushing blow of violence in and around each of us as we walk in this world that is full of despair and misery.

I have to be honest with you all. I have been deeply affected by the story of Michele and Rob Reiner’s death this week. It weighs heavy on my heart. Not because they were celebrities because they were honest, kind and loving human beings who walked in this world bringing a message of hope to all who needed to hear it. Still they were met with a violent death at the hands of a son who they loved and tried tirelessly to help. This is not just their story. It is the story of humanity. It is how we are hurting and killing each other every day without even realizing it, because we can not see past the dark side of our humanity and into the light of Love from which we are all born.

In the quiet of my own home and in the stillness of my heart I pray every day for the people of the world who are painfully unaware of how their thoughts and feelings are impacting all of humanity. We are all connected. I truly believe and trust in that knowing. I can not love my neighbour without also loving my enemy. I can only love myself when I am able to accept with grace the Love that comes to and through me from my higher power. That is the light that shines in the darkness. That is the light that comes to us each year at this time. The longest and darkest day of the year is coming up very soon. Then the light will begin to return. We are all called to carry that light within us and shine it in the world wherever we are and in whatever we do.

This year I have had a different experience of what it means for me to be celebrating the season of Advent and soon Christmas as a Christian. I have been reflecting on the story of the nativity. The story of travelling toward the moment and place where Love and innocence are born into the world at a time of great upheaval. I have also been reviewing the events reported about the life of Jesus as he lived the human experience. In these stories I have seen my own story reflected. I have seen the story of what it means to be both human and holy. I see how we are called to stand up and challenge those dark forces that no longer carry the light of Love. When I hear and read stories of violence and overpowering condemnation, I find myself falling on my knees in prayer. Help me see through the darkness, I pray. Help me see through to the light of each human being who has been crushed and traumatized to the point that they can no longer experience anything but hatred, pain and a need to violate all that is good in this world. Then I pray for every soul on this beautiful Earth. I pray for the Peace that passes all understanding. I pray that Love surrounds us all and brings hope where it is most needed. I pray that everyone’s heart is opened to receive the gift that is theirs to receive.

So dear reader, whether you celebrate the season of Christmas or take time to reflect on whatever this time of year means for you, may you find what you are looking for. May you experience the gift of Love in its many forms. May you know Peace in your heart trusting in the Light to guide you along life’s path in the coming year. May all be well in your world. Many blessings to you.

Posted on by Beth 4

Finding Joy in Quiet Moments

It seems the world is spinning faster and faster every day. Chaos reigns all over. Yet in the quiet of a regular day I can feel the joy that is also there. There is hope everywhere when you are open to seeing and feeling it. Even if you are not looking when you become still and listen you can hear the birds chirping. They are telling us of a new world order that is coming our way. In fact it is already here. We just can’t see it yet.

I have been feeling the need to withdraw into myself for a while now. It takes great effort for me to engage with people these days. I have a hard time coming up with topics of conversation. So I often sit quietly and ask questions so others can share what is on their mind. I love to listen and hear their stories. It inspires me and keeps me connected. At the same time, what they share gives me more to consider in my own life. My heart reaches out to them and we connect Soul to Soul.

What is this need to withdraw and be quiet all about anyway? I am not sure exactly. I just know that I am much more relaxed and content in my life right now. I am comfortable in my own skin and enjoy my own company. It has taken a while to reconnect to this sense of belonging I so needed. To be part of something greater than myself again. It is bigger than the world outside my door. It is a sense of being a conduit of peace and kindness. It is of love and compassion. This feeling comes from a source that is more powerful and more genuine than I can describe in words.

For weeks I have felt lost in the wilderness. I did not know how to connect. I was longing for a sign or feeling a hand reaching out for me. I crawled into my bed and slept away the hours that felt empty and without purpose. Then in my dreams, a still small voice spoke inside me. During my quiet time, it gave me reassurance. I am not alone. I live in a world filled with love. People who genuinely care about one another surround me. They also care for the Earth.

At church this week I was sitting quietly waiting for the service to start. The music director, who I genuinely love as a kindred spirit, came over to me unexpectedly. He bent down and gave me a warm heartfelt hug. I can’t tell you what a gift that was to feel his arms around me even for a few seconds. I felt the presence of God in that moment. Something opened inside me that had been closed off. I listened intently to words of the songs being sung. I watched the choir as their faces lit up when they sang. I listened intently to the scripture readings and the prayers that were shared. Every word landed on my heart and brought me joy. The sermon stirred in me images of Truth and Reconciliation with the people who first inhabited this land. I felt sad for and with them. Still there was hope in the message. There were references to ways we can make peace with the past. By the end of the service, I felt myself emerging from the dark shadows where I had been dwelling.

I was reminded about all the people in my life who I care about and who care about me. It was a time of Truth and Reconciliation for me. I came to understand how often I forget to make that conscious decision to be quiet and still. Even just a few minutes of stillness is important. It is in the stillness that I find the truth of my well being.

I am happy to say that I am finding Joy in my life again. I am looking through a clearer lens than ever before. My spiritual home is where I live joyfully for each day is a new beginning. For now, as an Earth Dweller, I seek a new way. I want to experience fully what is in my every day. I want to find my way along life’s path to the beauty that surrounds me. 


I wish the same for you dear reader. What brings you joy? Where do you connect with the Still Small Voice in you? How do you walk upon the Earth with Love in your Heart?




Posted on by Beth 0

TURNING THE PAGE – Starting a New Chapter

For the past month or so I have felt lost on my life path. As I look ahead I notice there is a bend in the road and I can’t see beyond it. This is not unusual. It has happened many times in my life. Every time, it turns out there is something waiting for me. It is either something I was not expecting or not prepared for. Still, I met each situation with courage and adapted to the changes in ways that surprised even me.

This time though I am more curious than worried about what lies ahead.  I know it may have something to do with a course I am preparing to take in the fall.  At the same time, I am reckoning that there is something else that I am going to face.  It may be related to my physical or mental health. Or, it could be something external to myself.  These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about myself. This focus has become problematic. It has made me more insular.  I am always healthier and stronger when I consider other people. I focus on their circumstances. I think about how I might be of help to them. I use my own life experience as a guidepost.  When living alone, you must be consciously aware of your own circumstances. You are responsible for doing everything.

Family

Recently, I have been working through some very deep feelings. These feelings are associated with family of origin patterns. They continue to play out in my own family.  I raised two children to be strong, independent, and self-reliant people. They know how to make friends and be a good friend.  When I stand back, I see my adult children now. They have successfully grown to be adults who do just that.  I am proud of them for all they have accomplished and continue to do in their lives.  They both have children who I love and adore and I am very grateful to be their Nana.  That being said we are a very small family.  We get together periodically for family events or special holidays.   Mostly we live independently though.   My son moved away from home 30 years ago. He has been living on the other side of the ocean for close to 20 years to follow his career.  His children live there too. I only get to see them via FACETIME when both of our schedules and time zones line up.

My daughter and her family recently moved to a small community just outside of the city where I currently live.  I have spent the most time with my youngest grandson over the past 4 years. He will be starting school in the fall. This means he will not be coming to see Nana during the week any more.  We are all growing older and life is changing.  

Living On My Own

I currently live in a small one room studio in a seniors apartment complex with rent geared to income.  It serves me well. I have easy access to public transportation and a plaza that is just a few minutes walk away.  Living alone means I set my own schedule. I plan my own outings according to how I am feeling from day to day.

I do not see a move in my future anytime soon.  I have landed exactly where I am meant to be just as my children have.  I am like my children. I am independent, self-sufficient, and capable of living a full and meaningful life on my own. I have good friends nearby.   

Listening with My Heart

Right now I feel I am starting a new chapter in my life.  I am turning the page.   I have been very focused on my role as grandmother and that will remain an important part of my life.  I sense that going forward I will be less up close and personal. I will be more in the background, watching them from afar.  I see myself offering what I can when I can. I aim to be a role model for them to look to for guidance. I want to show how to live happily regardless of life’s offerings. Age doesn’t matter in this pursuit.

So what is it that I am seeing and feeling in my heart of hearts right now?  Where do I look for meaning and support?  My spiritual life has been a bit shallow as of late.  I go to church every Sunday and enjoy the services. Seeing the people, many of whom are dear friends, gives me much to be thankful for.  I hear God calling from a distance like an echo in the deep valley surrounded by mountains.   Sometimes I am in the valley. Sometimes I am on the mountainside. Other times, I am an eagle soaring above it all and I just want to fly off into the sunset.

I pray for clarity and guidance. I trust that whatever shows up, I will have the wherewithal to be fully present to what is.  I have seventy one years of life experience.  I am not sure how much longer I have on this Earth in this human suit.  I have a sense that the time for my passing is coming sooner than later. I want to make sure that I have touched all that I came here to touch.  I want to leave a trail of love. I hope this trail will be seen and felt long after I am gone.  

Finding Yourself on a Spiritual Path

So how do I do that?  Who is it I am being called to be and what do I do right now? What is happening in the present? Am I to lead from afar or up close and personal?  Who needs my gifts and where am I to share them?  The world needs compassion and kindness. I could spend all my time telling stories related to both.  Or I could simply listen and be present while others tell their stories and offer them kindness and compassion.  Maybe it requires a bit of both.  

There are so many ways that one can be of service. I choose to be a conduit of LOVE in this world.  Maybe I am thinking too much and not listening to my own heart and soul enough. Maybe I already know where and when to take the next step.  

What I have experienced of late is this.  Just when I feel strong enough to go out into the world and offer my gifts, my body intervenes. It says, “Hold on and take more time out.”  My energy shifts and moves from inside to outside and then back again.  Sometimes when I go out into the world, my empathetic self gets so overwhelmed. I just want to curl up in a ball on my bed and be alone with God.

That is when I pray for more assistance and guidance.  I can’t do it by myself.  I need support and a community to work within. I want to share not just my gifts but also the doubts and concerns I have.  We all could benefit from a soul companion or even a group of soul companions.  

Soul Companions

I have made many dear friends over the years. When I have moved, I kept in touch with most of them.  We are all scattered across the country and some even out of the country.  Thanks to technology we stay in touch with one another and share what is most meaningful.  When I moved from the west coast back to Ontario, I had to start making new friends. I needed to establish myself in a new community.  I was living closer to my daughter. Still, I wanted friends who were like-hearted. I also sought friends who were like-minded and close to my own age. So that has been the focus for the past six years.   It takes time and intention to build a circle of friends who you feel a deep connection with.  It comes with shared experiences and common knowledge of the world around us.  It is a process of opening up and sharing and being vulnerable.

Just after I moved in 2019, the COVID epidemic took hold. I spent a great deal of time at home in my room alone. I read, wrote, and connected with old friends online.  Fortunately,  my daughter and her family were in my bubble and I was able to visit with them quite regularly.  Time has passed now. We have all moved along. We desire to reach out and be present in the world.  Everything is changing and we are changing with it.

This is a good time to pay attention. Go out for a walk. Talk to people passing by. Call friends and invite them for a coffee. Invite a new friend for dinner or an old friend for tea. It is about connecting on many different levels with the world around us. That is how we will find our way together and bring our love into the world. Be loving, kind and compassionate and Love will find you wherever you are. Thanks for being here and spending time reading this. Your presence is felt wherever you are. Peace be with you!

Posted on by Beth 2

Finding Peace in Quiet Summer Days

The summer is well underway and life is very quiet for me these days.  What I mean by that is there is not much I feel like doing.  I am taking the summer “off”. I spend hours scrolling on my phone or IPAD.  It is a constant companion as I train my brain with word games, online card games and connecting with “friends” on Facebook.  I have been considering giving it all up for the summer and just being quiet with no technical distractions.  Then I question whether I can actually do it.  It has become such a strong habit that I wonder if it would qualify as an addiction.  Or is it just how I companion myself?

The truth is summers have always been quiet for me ever since I can remember.  I spent a lot of time on my own feeling bored when I was young. My friends were often away at family cottages or on family road trips while my family stayed home.  One summer I worked as a Mother’s Helper and went to their cottage with them.  As a teenager I got a summer job working at the Canadian National Exhibition (CNE) in Toronto for two weeks at the end of August till Labour Day.  I worked at a booth in the Better Living Building for a company called GH Wood where they displayed a million dollars in cash.  They were actually a company that made and sold cleaning products which is why they were in the Better Living building.  It was a boring job just standing there in some silly costume for six hours at a time but it gave me pocket money which I enjoyed having.  I had fun talking with the security guards who were there to protect the money.

For a few years in my early teens, my family rented a cottage in Sudbury Ontario for the summer.  Who goes to Sudbury for the summer?  Nobody I knew.  It was ok I guess as I did make some friends there and we got to go water skiing and surfboarding when our friends Stella and Jack came to visit with their boat.

The truth is I always had very little energy to do much in the summer especially when it was hot out.  That didn’t change as I got older.  In fact, it actually got worse.   As I aged I felt less and less like doing much of anything in the summer.  I have accepted that and have learned to enjoy it.  

What I love doing now is to watch baseball on TV.  The Toronto Blue Jays are like family to me.  I watch them and cheer them on as if they were all my sons.  It seems crazy to me that I enjoy the game so much still they are good company for me on a very quiet Sunday afternoon.

I sometimes feel sad and lonely on weekends, especially Sundays because I have always thought of it as family day.  Growing up I spent Sunday afternoons with my family and watching golf on TV with my dad. That is if I wasn’t having a nap.   Mom always made a good Sunday supper and we all gathered around the table together sometimes with special guests joining us.  In the summer dad would always barbecue. 

The hard part now is there is no one to remember those stories with or tell them too.  My sister who lives miles away is often busy with her family on Sundays and my kids have their own lives to live. Writing the stories is not the same as telling them around the dinner table, still I am doing my best to write them down.

When I was married Sunday was a work day.  My husband, a minister, would work in the morning and then often sleep on the sofa in afternoon. If he had people he had to visit in hospital, then he would head out.  I tried to get in the habit of making a good Sunday supper like my mom did.  Still I was on my own a lot with the kids, unless they were out playing with their friends, then I was just on my own. I didn’t always want to cook a big dinner.  It was a lonely time for me during those days when we lived far away from family.  When we moved back to our home town my in-laws often hosted Sunday suppers and it was a command performance for all the kids.  We were expected to show up and dress up.  My mother in law said if she was going to go to the trouble of making a nice dinner and setting a nice table then we could put some effort into dressing for the occasion — Sunday best.  Summer time was considered dress casual.

I now no longer plan things for after church on Sunday.  In fact, I enjoy that quiet time where I can read and perhaps even enjoy an afternoon nap.  Sunday suppers are no longer big meals unless I am invited out.  It is more like grazing all afternoon while watching baseball.  I wonder how many others who are older like me take a break from cooking on Sunday?

Being quiet by myself with time on my own in the summer is something I am practising and getting comfortable with.  There are days I simply let the time pass without really accomplishing much and that is ok because being present to what is in my day to day living gives me a sense of purpose. I am so grateful for all that I have. I am happy to have a lovely home to be in. I am thankful for a healthy body and for all the times I do spend with my family either in person or on the phone. I feel lonely and bored sometimes and that is ok too. I can change that anytime I choose to. I appreciate that the connection and love I have with my family and friends is much more than so many people have.

I have learned to make peace with loneliness by spending time quietly on my own. I enjoy my own company and the tranquility of these restful summer days. Being bored is just another way of saying I want to engage more with life. Figuring out how to do that is my Spiritual work. Is summer a busy time for you or are you taking time out from your busy lives to be quiet and rest?

Posted on by Beth 1

Waiting: A Journey through Darkness to Light

There are days when the skies are filled with clouds and the sun is hidden behind them.  Some days are darker than others, still when the clouds disappear the sun shines forth and I am lifted up. I am sure many of us are.

What does that mean exactly, lifted up!  Well to me it means seeing something beyond the obvious.  It means allowing the darkness to be illuminated and the wisdom of my heart to be seen and felt within my very being.

Now this is not just a physical phenomenon it is a spiritual experience.  It can happen in the darkest hours of the night or on a cold and snowy day when the winds are blowing so hard you can barely see two feet in front of you.

How and why is this such an enlightened experience then?  Do we have to be experiencing the “dark night of the soul” in order to recognize the wisdom that shines through that darkness?  Or is it something we can access anytime anywhere we choose to?  This is question mystics have been asking and answering for centuries.  We are all Spiritual beings first and foremost and so when we can find our way to trusting in that knowing then we are on our way home. 

Shining a light into the darkest regions of our hearts can be difficult at best and darn right impossible at the very least.  Often we don’t even know where those dark corners are hiding until we come up against a memory or a physical sensation that tells us we have landed on something that needs to be addressed.   What I know from my own experience is when I shine a light in those regions of my being I am not doing it alone.  I have experienced more than once the hand of what I call God taking my hand and leading me as well as comforting me along the way.

It is not always easy to explain what this looks or feels like for me, still I know it to be true.  I can shift my thoughts away from sorrow and sadness to love and compassion on the turn of a dime if I am connecting in that moment.  It is not always that easy though.  Still at times it can be.  Learning the process of mindfulness is one of the best ways I know of to shift gears and learn how to be present with all that is presenting itself in any given moment.

Still there are many moments when my heart is aching and my mind is telling me that I have every reason to be sad, angry or disappointed.  It is in those moments that I need to take a step back and look at myself from the perspective of one who is witnessing myself in pain.  It is not a problem to be solved.  It is simply an observation of something that is happening in the moment.  Sometimes it only takes a few minutes for me to see myself in a different light.  Other times it takes days even months to move through that dark time and find the light on the other side.

This is the value and joy of having a human experience.  To be able to eventually shift our way of seeing what is before us and finding the diamonds sparkling in the sawdust of all that has been working away at us over time.  Psychologists may argue that the dark regions are there because of the negative experiences we have had up until that moment we see them differently.  They may be right.  I have had many experiences that I have reframed over my lifetime and others that I can not let go of.  They are painfully resting in my heart waiting for me to let go and let God take them over.  

Hanging on to such negativity is, in a way, a form of self protection.  As long as I remember what it feels like to be so hurt or angry or even fearful then I am somehow protecting myself from it happening again.  If only that were true.  The reality is that as long as I hang on to all the pain I am only reliving the original experience over and over again.  So I am learning more and more how to live in the now and live through the pain until it is no longer hurting me.  It becomes a story that I can tell and has no particular affect on how I am feeling now.  This is something that I truly believe comes with the aging process.  It is a way of looking at the world and my life in context of what is now rather than what was then.

I learned to be more consciously aware of my human shortcomings when I was caring for my aging mother and my young children.  My mother talked over and over again about all the ways she was hurt in the past by family members.  She could not let it go and so everyone around her was forced to listen to her ongoing rhetoric about all the times she was ignored or left with no support when she was going through difficult times. Finally she cut herself off from her family all together.  At the end of her life, my sister and I were the only ones left who she was talking to and our children of course.  

As I age I am determined not to be the same way with my family members.  I am not sure how successful I am in that regard still I am doing my best to be present to what is now and to take responsibility for whatever I am feeling at any given point in time.  

Being an aging parent I hold a certain expectation of my children which they may or may not be able to live up to.  They don’t know what those expectations are neither do I know what their expectations are of me.  Unless we have the conversation which for us is damn hard I may go to my grave wondering what I could have done differently or how I would liked to have been treated differently.  

Ultimately, it is for us to make peace within ourselves and leave no stone unturned until we are assured that we have done the very best we could at any given point in time.  By then the light will shine for us in all the corners of our hearts so that Love can prevail above all else.  That is how I want to leave this world some day.

Posted on by Beth 5

Vision Past, Present and Future

As the the year 2024 comes to an end and the beginning of 2025 is fast approaching I find myself wondering what has made the biggest impact on me this year. I am also contemplating what is in store for me next year. I am sure I am not alone in this. This is the time of year when many of us are taking time for reflection as we seek light in the darkness.

Seeing clearly is not always easy

So as I look back over this past year I can honestly say the biggest impact on me was having my eyes done. I had cataract surgery at the end of November 2023 and things did not go as well as expected. I spent the next eleven months visiting the surgeon’s office once a month and being treated for an inflamed iris in both eyes. It was not only inconvenient to make the long trek back and forth to his office it was down right annoying as I often had to wait for up to two hours for a 10 minute consultation. The waiting room was packed with people. At my final appointment I was told my eyes were completely healed.

Still my eye sight has changed and that has impacted me in more ways than I ever thought possible. My vision is often blurry now even with my corrective lenses. It is annoying and disorienting. When I am out walking I often feel off balance because my depth perception is poor. It takes practice to walk slowly while paying close attention to where I step. This is both a gift and a curse.

Reading is another issue that I have had trouble with this past year. Whether reading online or in paper format I can only focus for short periods of time before my eyes are strained and things get blurry. This has taken great patience on my part. I am learning to rest my eyes more often. Looking ahead to the new year I am hoping that my optometrist will be able to offer solutions to my vision issues. New glasses perhaps.

As I look into my heart I seek greater clarity for my life in general. I am noticing that my “Vision” for the new year is a bit out of focus. I am not sure where I am headed or what I am looking forward to experiencing. Still, I have set some very general intentions for myself. I seek to be at peace within and live one day at a time. I intend to make the most of each day I am given. That includes doing something kind for someone else every day. I want to play more and read as much as I can. It would be nice to be entertaining and spend time with those who I can laugh and be myself with.

Vision

My spirit eyes see something more in the future though. My Spirit wants to soar and rise above the many conflicts and the pain around the world. It wants to seek out where Love is in the midst of all the suffering and find places where Peace can land.

I am also being invited to take a deep dive into the areas of my own life that are needing more Love — whether it be caring for my soul, body or others who need to be nurtured. It is time for me to step out as a bright light in the world. To be fully present and be hopeful even when it is hard to do.

There have been times in my life when I have been accused of wearing rose coloured glasses or burying my head in the sand when it comes to conflict. That was not how it felt for me though. It is more about looking for where the cracks are in the walls of darkness and shining a light there so that others can see through the darkness. My life story is riddled with all different kinds of conflicts. I had to learn to navigate my way through each one. Those experiences gave me a deeper capacity for compassion. When I see a person on the street who is suffering my heart goes out to them. Often there is little I can to do help them so I simply acknowledge them and say hello tell them my name and ask them theirs. Even that small connection can help them feel less alone. After the encounter I always ask for them to be blessed and taken care of. 

Sometimes we are called to be a lighthouse in the storms of life.

My sense is that there are big changes coming for all of us as the future unfolds. This is a time when fear and terror will want to grab a hold of us and it is important that we resist it and maintain a strong barrier of Love all around us. Many will say that is easier said than done and they may be right. Still when we are in the presence of Holy Love or when Holy Love calls to us from the darkness we are being offered a gift. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is let go of the Fear and accept the gift of Love freely given.

My wish and prayer for you dear reader is that you be surrounded by Love every day and that you have the experience of Peace that passes all understanding today and for all days ahead. May you shine brightly.

Posted on by Beth 2

Hope, Peace, Joy and Love

The season of Advent is now being observed by many Christian churches around the world. I have to admit this is one of my favourite seasons because it reminds me to slow right down and take stock of where I am right now. It is so easy to rush toward Christmas and get caught up in all the holiday advertising and activities. I know there is a certain amount of planning and shopping to be done for our celebrations on Christmas Day and into the New Year. Still it does not have to consume me. I would much rather stay home and practice being quiet and listening to what my heart is longing for and what it wants to share.

In the Celtic tradition we are also leading up to the winter solstice which is an honouring of the darkness as the days get shorter and nights longer. This too is a time of quiet reflection and being still with what is before us.

As we are being invited to get busy and to get out and do our shopping, decorating our homes, preparing meals and having guests over, I also invite you to take a few minutes each day to notice where the darkness is presenting itself in your life. Are you wanting to go to bed earlier at night? Do you want to curl up in front a fire or light some candles and turn off the lights? Are you thinking of someone you haven’t seen or heard from for a while and want to reach out?

The first week of December we began with the theme of HOPE. This is not an easy message for many of us who are struggling with the pressures and demands of family life, work life, financial strain, food insecurity, health concerns and the list goes on. Many are grieving the loss of a loved one or are preparing to say good bye as their loved one is slowly leaving this world. Others are missing children and grandchildren who live far away. Still it is a time of great hope for families who prepare to be together travelling from distant locations. It is a time when children are excited to be surprised by gifts they will receive. It is a time when we as a community reach out and offer whatever we can to give others hope where it may be missing.

This second week of December we reflect on the message of PEACE. I think about the phrase “Peace that Passes All Understanding”. That is what I strive for and long for each and every day and especially now in this war torn world where it seems almost impossible to achieve. Yet the message of HOPE reminds us that PEACE is not an outcome rather a state of being. When we take time to be at PEACE within ourselves then we can bring peace into all that we do and everywhere we go. It is not something that just happens it needs our conscious awareness to come out of the darkness and into the light.

Coming up to the third week of December we can begin to celebrate the Joy of the Season. We can see the lights all around us at night. The moon has gone from dark to brighter and shines upon us illuminating all the beauty of this Earth as we so often rush on past or ignore it. Again we are invited to stop, slow down and experience the JOY of being present with and for each other no matter our circumstances. Take time to say hello and smile at a stranger. Take time to help an elderly neighbour or play with a small child who is longing for attention. Wherever you find yourself during this week practise finding joy in the little things. Listen to music that makes your heart glow with JOY. Pay attention to what sparks JOY for you and do it!

Finally the fourth week of December we will be focused on LOVE. The LOVE that came into the world with a light so bright that many tried to put it out. This LOVE will not be denied though because it is the essence of who each of us are and where we came from. We only need to acknowledge it and allow it to touch us to know that it is there. No matter if we are all alone or surrounded by crowds of people we are enveloped in LOVE. Accepting that as a matter of course and being willing to honour that in yourself and then in others is the greatest gift of all.

So dear readers may you know the gifts of HOPE, PEACE, JOY AND LOVE, during these weeks as they grow darker. May you find time and energy to give thanks for these gifts you have been given. Trust in the knowing that no matter your circumstances you are precious and a gift to humanity. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I am forever grateful for your presence.

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Confessions of a Caregiver

I have been reading a lot about caregiver burnout lately. I have friends who have people in their lives who they are caring for. I hear them tell me it is more and more difficult to keep going because they too are tired and need help themselves. Still being a dedicated caregiver means they carry on because there are no real alternatives unless there is money available to invest in paid service providers. Even then if they have the resources the demand is getting greater and the supply is limited. Not everyone has the extra money to spend though. So many caregivers are putting their own health at risk while caring for someone else in their family or a dear friend. Community resources are very limited right now and in some cases long wait lists are a barrier to getting the support needed.

All this can also lead to elder abuse which is also an even bigger problem in our communities right now. As a growing population of seniors age and become more and more isolated from family and friends they are at greater risk of being ignored and neglected. Many of them have lost interest and live with severe depression or worse, dementia. They are not able to access the supports they need or even to ask for help. It is a very sad reflection on how our society views the important role our elders can play in our society.

As we age, more and more demand is put on self care as the only means to continue living with dignity. What if you are a single woman, living independently. What if you have chronic medical conditions such as diabetes, hearing loss, arthritis and diet sensitivities such as dairy or gluten. What if you are living on a very low fixed income and are doing everything you can to manage your finances.

I confess that I am living with all those conditions and more. Sometimes I feel burned out. Taking care of myself is a full time job. There are days when I just want to quit the job and find a better one that is more fun. If only that were possible…hahaha…. By the time I take care of myself, my finances, and my home I have very little reserves left for other things.

So what I am learning in this process?

  • I am learning to be very grateful for my body that carries me through life relatively pain free rather than bemoaning it.
  • I am learning to be grateful for the amazing care team of doctors who monitor my health conditions and help me to stay on track. So many of my friends who are in similar situations are not so lucky.
  • I am being reminded that if I want to have fun I need to find it in the process of my daily living
  • I am looking to find a hobby that I can do at home on a tight budget that is fun for me to do
  • I am learning to do things slowly and steadily until everything is taken care of
  • I am learning to keep reaching out to my friends and staying in contact with my family
  • I am learning that taking a day off to just rest and restore from time to time is good self care
  • I am learning that having a Spiritual practice really helps me stay focused and present in the now
  • I am learning to laugh at and with myself more when I hear myself whining or complaining and to give myself more love

So dear readers whether you are a caregiver for someone else or for yourself or both, take time out to be grateful and kind to yourself. Learn to laugh at the antics of your wounded self and to love yourself even more because you are so worth it. If you are aware of a senior living alone take a minute to check in on them from time to time. Just knowing that someone is thinking about you can make all the difference.

Have a great day!

Posted on by Beth 4

If Ever There Was…..

If ever there was a time in my life to feel unhinged now would be it.  I have been through so much and seen so much adversity in my life that it seems almost impossible to imagine feeling so unhinged at this time when things are so settled for me.  Still I am feeling it.  

There is so much evidence to show how hope is lacking in this world right now. I need to feel it and find it for myself.  We are plagued with messages of despair that are seen around the world.  Yet in and amongst all that rhetoric there is hidden the undeniable truth that love is greater than fear.

This Sunday I heard our minister preach on the story of Ruth and Naomi showing us how in the thrust of such an unfriendly and unfathomable prejudice against women and against foreigners there was a love so deep that nothing could separate them.  I believe that we are moving through a time of such huge divisiveness that we can hardly find that centre point.  I want to trust that the love we have for ourselves will translate into love of neighbour.  I want to trust that the love of God can carry us all through this time of great debate and ultimately learn through diversity.  Still my hope and trust is being challenged in ways I have no answers for.  Where is that middle point?  How do we rise above the terror and tension we are feeling these days to see the bigger picture and envision a brighter future.  

My own personal anxiety has been escalating over the past several days without warning or any particular thoughts going through my mind.   Still my heart is feeling it and I know it is the collective thrust of anger that is driving it.  Anger that is really a cover up for fear of what is coming next.  We are all, in this part of the world where I live, hanging on the edge of what is about to be a world altering event — the election in the United States.  Never in my lifetime do I remember being so fearful about what is happening so close to home.  I am also so sad that we can not have open and honest conversations about our own perspectives and being able to hear those who share a different perspective without feeling divided and separated from one another.  There is this us and them mentality that is permeating the air we breathe and even if we step away and isolate ourselves it is still there.  As a sensitive soul I feel it regardless and it is unearthing so much confusion and steadfast fear of the otherness that I am not able to embrace it with it love.  It is like a black cloud is hovering over me.  I am stuck on the fence trying to stay neutral. Yet I am falling off from time to time and losing my grip on reality.

If ever there was a time when prayer and quiet were needed now is it.  I need to feel that deep abiding love that transcends all else and can bring me back to my own love and light in this world.  I want to light candles and give the world a huge hug.  I want to remind myself and others that we are not alone in this and that no matter our spiritual expression there is hope that we can live on and trust in the greater good of all humankind.

My mind is so confused right now about the turmoil in the middle east and the fight for a greater good in the Ukraine.  There is so much fighting and waring happening in places I know not of and yet I feel it in my heart.  Please God take this pain and hurt that we are inflicting upon each other and ultimately upon ourselves and transform it with us and for us.  

If ever there was a time when we need to reach out to one another and give thanks for our relationship now is the time.  We need to hold each others hands and keep on moving forward.  We need to stand with each other and hold up the sky with kindness and compassion for ourselves and one another no matter our differences, no matter our fears, there is something much greater at work here and when we tap into that we can hold the space together.

Our children’s future is at stake here and we can not let them down.  Our grandchildren came into this world with their own bright lights and are here to remind us that life on earth is precious and not to be squandered away on divisiveness.  We can take different roads and have different ways of finding our way home.  We can do it together and alone.  Whatever road or way we choose let us be understanding and seek peace within our differences.  Let us be examples to the upcoming generation of how to live with one another in the Global Community we currently reside in.  Let us live the message of hope and continue to share with one another the gift of life giving peace that passes all understanding by loving each other.  May we find Joy again in the living of our hope and may we know within ourselves that which transcends the human world and takes us to the soul world where we are all one with each other.

May it be so!

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Rediscovering Hope: A Tale of Multicultural Unity

August is coming to a close and September will soon be here. For most of us, September is like the start of a new year. Even though we are no longer in school, we still feel that anticipation of starting fresh. I often want to go to the stationary store and get a new pen or coloured pencils and a notebook. Not this year though. For some unknown reason, my September excitement is a bit lacklustre. I am glad the hot weather is coming to an end and look forward to the fall colours. Still, something is just not right. I can’t put my finger on it.

I have tried the old standbys like looking at my wardrobe. Maybe I will get something new to spruce it up. Or perhaps I will add something new to my home. I have even considered repotting my plants that look overgrown in their smallish pots. Still my get up and go has got up and went.

There is nothing I need or really want right now. Everything works well in my life and I have a circle of friends who I love and adore. My health is good, all things considered ,and so I wonder where I am I heading?

I don’t usually watch television, in fact I don’t even own one. I just stream what I want to watch at the time on my laptop computer. This week though I found myself watching the speeches at the Democratic Convention in the US on YouTube. Michelle Obama and Kamala Harris really took a hold of me. It was not just what they had to say but how they presented it. Their hearts were blazing and their words were so steady and emphatic. I wanted to speak like them. I wanted to stand before a crowd of people. I wanted to say what my heart and soul is so longing to share. The problem is I have no idea what that is. Or maybe I do.

I am a seventy year old woman who has seen a lot in life. I have raised two beautiful children and have five gorgeous grandchildren. My children’s partners are as much family to me as if I gave birth to them myself. I am blessed with a lovely sister who is two years younger than me and her husband and three sons. My family is small and full of love. There is so much I appreciate and am grateful for. My challenge now is looking outside myself and my own individual life. I need to see beyond what is right in front of me.

I have been on the receiving end of so much generosity over the past several years. I have done my best to contribute to the circle of life around me. Still I feel I need and want to do more with the energy I have. The big question is where do I start? I used to think my writing was a way for me to touch the world. Is that enough though? Is there more I am being called to bestow upon the world? Have I already experienced and been offered everything I need? These are all good questions.

I am not interested in seeking out my “purpose” or wondering about the “gifts” I have to offer. It is more than that. I am looking for a way into that arena. Crowds are forming there. The hope for a better world is being generated. I want to be a part of that. It is happening, not just in the USA, all around the world. Women, men and children and being called up to counter act the cruelty and divisiveness in the world. We are a Global community that is struggling to find the heart and soul of each others kindness and resilience. We are standing up for justice and shining a light on the inequalities that are so apparent. We are looking for leaders who can show us the way. We are also looking into our own hearts and wondering where we are being called to serve.

I have physical limitations that make it difficult for me to reach out beyond my own community. Yet, I am feeling called to be part of something bigger. It is more powerful than any of us has seen or experienced in our lifetime. It goes beyond feminism, civil rights, reconciliation, land treaties, and environmental concerns. It is a global movement. It is so powerful and invasive that the people in power now are flexing their muscles trying to stop it. Wars are erupting to push down the ground swell. Crowds are gathering to express their displeasure with what has been a put down for so many generations. Our education system, health care system, and political foundations are being rocked to the core. This happens to make room for something new and very different.

I feel this in my bones and quite frankly I am not sure where to go with it. I pray every day and night for some sort of guidance. Perhaps in my asking I will find the answers one step at a time. I feel the embrace of a new world order emerging ever so slowly and deliberately.

In 1972 I was a student at George Brown College in Toronto. I was elected to be the chair of the Human Relations Club by a group of my peers. Eighty percent of the student body on campus that year were foreign students or were there for Manpower retraining. I came from a white Anglo Saxon, protestant, privileged background. I was very much in the minority which was a different and humbling experience for me. One of my professors, John McRae, suggested that our group adopt a multi-culture theme for the year. He believed it was necessary as there was so much divisiveness among the student body. It was a mini world. Pakistani students were fighting with Indian Students. Black Students were forming their own Black Student Union. Chinese Students were segregating themselves. And on and on. I was young. I was naive. I believed that we could all come together in peace and harmony. This would happen if we would just learn to understand and respect each other.

So I met with each of the student groups. I somehow convinced them that we would sponsor one group a month to present their culture to the student body. Each student group was allotted a month. They educated the rest of the population about their country of origin and culture. They each accepted the proposal and each month we learned about each other. There were fashion shows, history lessons, food presentations and readings. At the end of the year, we had a multi-cultural festival. It was so well attended. The festival ended with a big dance. Everyone gathered together in peace and harmony. It was my dream come true.

I remember entering the room of the Black Student Union meeting. I was there to do my presentation. I was the only white person in the room. It was terrifying for me as I was not sure how I would be received. This group was very militant at the time. It was a good to experience what the black people had been living with for generations and still are. I understood at some level what they were fighting for. Thankfully I was received with open hearts and minds. The student body did a great job presenting their various cultures. Some were from Jamaica and other Caribbean Islands, others were from Nigeria and different African countries. The Latin American countries were also represented in their own way as were the Asian countries.

All this to say that nearly fifty-two years later I feel the resurgence of that multi-cultural enthusiasm. I feel the excitement of those early September days in a new way now. I was too young to understand it at the time. Though I did appreciate it. Now things have changed a lot in the world since then. I have grown up and seen some horrific examples of prejudice and cruelty. That year at George Brown College, we all came together to learn about one another. We eventually gained so much love and respect for one another. It gave me hope for a better world and future. It still does. That night at the dance I was blessed to see young women and men of all races dancing together. There was no thought of the colour of each other’s skin. We did not care about our cultural origins. We were all just students learning to get along with one another. It was one of the greatest years of my life. Thank you, John McRae, for giving me the opportunity to lead with my heart. I was surrounded by so many interesting people. I learned so much from you and from them.

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Connecting with Nature: Observations of Beauty and Wisdom

While out for my morning walk a few days ago I noticed this tree. The patterns on the bark intrigued me and I was curious about how those patterns were created. My knowledge of trees is very limited and my research skills are less than stellar. So I have been wondering ever since what this tree is offering me by way of knowledge and wisdom. Are all these shapes and bumps in the bark “scars” caused by some sort of attack perhaps by insects or animals chewing on it? Or is this the result of a natural process of shedding that has created a vision equivalent to that of an abstract painting? I don’t know. I just know there is beauty in it that I have taken the time to notice and appreciate. I wonder if others have noticed it. No doubt they have.

While I stood there observing the tree I felt like it was watching me as well. Perhaps you too can see the eyes in the bark. It was like one of those sci-fi movies where the trees come alive in the forest and start attacking the humans who have intruded in their space. Yet, I was not aware of any antagonistic energy between us. More curiosity on both our parts. I have walked by this tree many times and never before taken the time to actually be there with it and allow myself to be touched by its energy in a conscious way until I now. It is amazing what we can discover both about ourselves and about creation all around us just by paying attention.

A Colourful Image

A beautiful Thistle in the Forest

Later on another walk I found I was more aware and vigilant about noticing the things around me. I felt the energy buzzing in me. Suddenly, this beautiful flower caught my eye. I was taken in by the rich colour in contrast to all the earthy browns and greens of the forest. It stood out in a way that seemed to say “look at me”. I asked my friend who was walking with me what kind of plant it is. She told me it is a thistle. I don’t remember seeing a thistle in bloom before though I am sure I have at some point. The distinction between the sharp needle like thorns on the bulb and the stem of the plant compared to the softness of the purple head of the flower is worth noting. It was the soft spiky petals that caught my attention or I would have walked on by without any particular notice of the beauty of this otherwise ordinary plant, whatever ordinary means.

Intrigued by the Flow of Water

At a recent visit to the Sulphur Springs Conservation area near Hanover, Ontario, I found myself drawn in by the sound of the water. This was significant for me because until I got new hearing aids, the sound of water flowing over rocks was something I had not heard for a very long time. I only watched it. It was amazing to me as I experienced both the sound and visual aspects of water, rocks, earth and plants all working together. The experience was something that is hard for me to explain. It was as if the water was flowing over my body. All my senses were working together. Not only was I hearing and seeing it I was feeling it even though I was standing on the edge of the stream as it flowed on by. My Spirit became one with the Earth and I sensed it in my body. This is the beauty of paying attention and being mindful when surrounded by nature.

What I now know for sure, dear readers, is we are all part of this beautiful planet called Earth and no matter how we ignore the signs in front of us we will always be connected. What affects one of us affects all of us on some level.

I took time that day to give thanks to the trees and water and Spirits of the Land for the life giving energy that is offered through their presence with us. We are truly blessed in ways we can never fully comprehend. I pray for the forests and water and for all the humans who are destroying the land so that we all wake up and pay attention before we destroy what gives us life.

As we walk gently upon this Earth we call home let us give thanks.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I would love to read about your experiences with nature.

Posted on by Beth 1

Time to Start Over

Photo by Black ice on Pexels.com

I have been taking a long over due break from writing on this blog and it is now time for me to start over. Since I first began writing on these pages the world has been spinning at a speed that at times makes me want to jump off. It is hard to imagine what life would be like if we could just take a long break from everything and collect our own thoughts and connect with our own feelings without the input of outside influences. I am not certain it is even possible anymore though I am sure many have tried.

I have been feeling quite isolated in some ways and in other ways thinking I am so well connected what is this feeling of isolation really about. It comes down to being disconnected from myself. Where did the break happen and how, where do I find that lost part of me that is floating off in the ethers somewhere. Prayer and meditation help. Writing of course connects me to myself in ways I have discovered over the years is part of finding my authentic voice. What I am learning now, though, is that writing is not enough. I must use my actual voice to tell my story. Somehow forming the words in my mouth, saying them out loud, to people who are receptive to what I have to say, brings me such joy. As I look across at the person or people who are listening to me I feel a sense of true connection that is both mesmerizing and grounding. The Spirit in me touches the Spirit in them and we truly see each other. The connection is experienced in a way that is unique to each individual.

Carl Jung said we were all mirrors to each other and when we look into another’s eyes we are really seeing ourselves — the parts we love and the parts we hold with distain. I also heard a phrase the other day at meeting I was attending. One of the members said “Be the Lighthouse not the Tugboat”. Somehow, that phrase stuck with me and left me wondering when and how am I a lighthouse and when and how am I being a tugboat. What is it that I am tugging along behind me. Is it a boat full of people who I can’t let go of or ideas that I just hold onto because they have always been with me and even though they don’t serve my highest good anymore I still use my precious energy to keep them afloat. For example, when someone is being mean or super critical of someone I know my first instinct is to defend that individual especially if they are not there to defend themself. Who am I to be the champion of the underdog? Maybe the super critical one knows something I don’t. What I am learning to do is be the lighthouse and shine compassion on both the people involved. Having compassion for someone who is so hypercritical can be very hard, much harder than having compassion for the one being criticized. Either way the choice is mine. I can real with righteous indignation and wind myself up into a frenzy or step back and soften the response with one of kindness and compassion. This is just one very small example of how easy it is to be a tug boat and not even realize what you are pulling behind you.

Posted on by Beth 0