Tag: truth

Finding Beauty in Autumn: Life Lessons from Nature

It has been a while since I have written anything here and now Autumn is upon us. We had a very long and often hot summer. I was surrounded by luscious green lawns and beautiful gardens filled with rich colours that made my heart sing.

Now I am watching the life force in the plants slowly return to the Earth. Leaves are turning colour and gently falling to the ground. Orchards are filled with people picking fruits from the trees. Farmers are harvesting corn, squash and pumpkins from the fields. Those who love to can and preserve are making chili sauce and various jams and jellies. The farmer’s markets are loaded with fresh produce from their fields and gardens. Those of us who live in small apartments gain from the bounty of their harvest. There is nothing like a pan of fresh roasted vegetables to warm the heart and soul.

I spent a good deal of my time alone this summer and took the opportunity to do a life review. Looking not just to the past or out into the future but at the here and now. Where am I now? Where are we all at this moment in time. I am in the autumn of my life. What does that mean exactly? To me it means capturing the life force within me. Finding the fruits of my own labours. I am sharing what I have discovered over the years. I pay close attention to the lessons learned from poor choices made along the way. No one gets through life without a few hard knocks now and then. Still what I know for sure is my life is full of examples of Love leading the way.

I have always been a peace maker/keeper at heart. I lead with my heart and speak sincerely from what I know to be true for me. I have lived with a hearing impairment for over fifty years. I have also learned to listen with my whole self, not just my ears. I pay attention to body language, physical surroundings and follow my intuition when it gives a clear message. I also use my head to carefully analyze a situation when required before making any decisions or comments. The last piece of advice my mother gave me before she left this world was “Follow your heart.” But she also said, “Don’t lose your head!” She always thought I was too soft. She believed I was wishy washy and sat on the fence. She advised that I should state my opinion strongly like she always did. Her favourite saying was “I mean what I say and say what I mean!” Sometimes what she had to say was mean and still she stood by it. Mostly, though she was right more often than not.

Still for me, I see great value in seeing all sides of a story. Finding the common ground is important before expressing an opinion. My style of leadership is to listen twice as much as I speak. If I don’t have anything to say that will add to the conversation then I just listen until I do. This is particularly true now that I am living in the autumn of my life.

The beauty of autumn is that all the rich green of new life matures. It becomes vibrant colours of brown, orange, yellow and red. Eventually, it joins the Earth to break down and enrich the soil with its nutrients. This becomes fodder for micro organisms that work to break it down so that new life will emerge from it.

Our life experience becomes the nutrients that make up the wisdom of our elder years. We need to live long enough for it to build up. It must then be broken down into micro organisms of thoughts and knowledge. I am just now starting to glean the wisdom of my years of life experience. I see the beauty in living a long life. It allows me to understand what I have been through. I also see what I learned from it. Now is the time to nurture that and also to share it with others. That is why I write and tell stories. I offer what I can when I can. This happens when I am in conversation with family, friends, and others I meet along the way.

This is a wonderful time of year and time of life. It is not about losing life force energy. It is about the life force being transformed into a new form of life. This new form lives on in all its richness.

Posted on by Beth 3

Waiting: A Journey through Darkness to Light

There are days when the skies are filled with clouds and the sun is hidden behind them.  Some days are darker than others, still when the clouds disappear the sun shines forth and I am lifted up. I am sure many of us are.

What does that mean exactly, lifted up!  Well to me it means seeing something beyond the obvious.  It means allowing the darkness to be illuminated and the wisdom of my heart to be seen and felt within my very being.

Now this is not just a physical phenomenon it is a spiritual experience.  It can happen in the darkest hours of the night or on a cold and snowy day when the winds are blowing so hard you can barely see two feet in front of you.

How and why is this such an enlightened experience then?  Do we have to be experiencing the “dark night of the soul” in order to recognize the wisdom that shines through that darkness?  Or is it something we can access anytime anywhere we choose to?  This is question mystics have been asking and answering for centuries.  We are all Spiritual beings first and foremost and so when we can find our way to trusting in that knowing then we are on our way home. 

Shining a light into the darkest regions of our hearts can be difficult at best and darn right impossible at the very least.  Often we don’t even know where those dark corners are hiding until we come up against a memory or a physical sensation that tells us we have landed on something that needs to be addressed.   What I know from my own experience is when I shine a light in those regions of my being I am not doing it alone.  I have experienced more than once the hand of what I call God taking my hand and leading me as well as comforting me along the way.

It is not always easy to explain what this looks or feels like for me, still I know it to be true.  I can shift my thoughts away from sorrow and sadness to love and compassion on the turn of a dime if I am connecting in that moment.  It is not always that easy though.  Still at times it can be.  Learning the process of mindfulness is one of the best ways I know of to shift gears and learn how to be present with all that is presenting itself in any given moment.

Still there are many moments when my heart is aching and my mind is telling me that I have every reason to be sad, angry or disappointed.  It is in those moments that I need to take a step back and look at myself from the perspective of one who is witnessing myself in pain.  It is not a problem to be solved.  It is simply an observation of something that is happening in the moment.  Sometimes it only takes a few minutes for me to see myself in a different light.  Other times it takes days even months to move through that dark time and find the light on the other side.

This is the value and joy of having a human experience.  To be able to eventually shift our way of seeing what is before us and finding the diamonds sparkling in the sawdust of all that has been working away at us over time.  Psychologists may argue that the dark regions are there because of the negative experiences we have had up until that moment we see them differently.  They may be right.  I have had many experiences that I have reframed over my lifetime and others that I can not let go of.  They are painfully resting in my heart waiting for me to let go and let God take them over.  

Hanging on to such negativity is, in a way, a form of self protection.  As long as I remember what it feels like to be so hurt or angry or even fearful then I am somehow protecting myself from it happening again.  If only that were true.  The reality is that as long as I hang on to all the pain I am only reliving the original experience over and over again.  So I am learning more and more how to live in the now and live through the pain until it is no longer hurting me.  It becomes a story that I can tell and has no particular affect on how I am feeling now.  This is something that I truly believe comes with the aging process.  It is a way of looking at the world and my life in context of what is now rather than what was then.

I learned to be more consciously aware of my human shortcomings when I was caring for my aging mother and my young children.  My mother talked over and over again about all the ways she was hurt in the past by family members.  She could not let it go and so everyone around her was forced to listen to her ongoing rhetoric about all the times she was ignored or left with no support when she was going through difficult times. Finally she cut herself off from her family all together.  At the end of her life, my sister and I were the only ones left who she was talking to and our children of course.  

As I age I am determined not to be the same way with my family members.  I am not sure how successful I am in that regard still I am doing my best to be present to what is now and to take responsibility for whatever I am feeling at any given point in time.  

Being an aging parent I hold a certain expectation of my children which they may or may not be able to live up to.  They don’t know what those expectations are neither do I know what their expectations are of me.  Unless we have the conversation which for us is damn hard I may go to my grave wondering what I could have done differently or how I would liked to have been treated differently.  

Ultimately, it is for us to make peace within ourselves and leave no stone unturned until we are assured that we have done the very best we could at any given point in time.  By then the light will shine for us in all the corners of our hearts so that Love can prevail above all else.  That is how I want to leave this world some day.

Posted on by Beth 5

Confessions of a Caregiver

I have been reading a lot about caregiver burnout lately. I have friends who have people in their lives who they are caring for. I hear them tell me it is more and more difficult to keep going because they too are tired and need help themselves. Still being a dedicated caregiver means they carry on because there are no real alternatives unless there is money available to invest in paid service providers. Even then if they have the resources the demand is getting greater and the supply is limited. Not everyone has the extra money to spend though. So many caregivers are putting their own health at risk while caring for someone else in their family or a dear friend. Community resources are very limited right now and in some cases long wait lists are a barrier to getting the support needed.

All this can also lead to elder abuse which is also an even bigger problem in our communities right now. As a growing population of seniors age and become more and more isolated from family and friends they are at greater risk of being ignored and neglected. Many of them have lost interest and live with severe depression or worse, dementia. They are not able to access the supports they need or even to ask for help. It is a very sad reflection on how our society views the important role our elders can play in our society.

As we age, more and more demand is put on self care as the only means to continue living with dignity. What if you are a single woman, living independently. What if you have chronic medical conditions such as diabetes, hearing loss, arthritis and diet sensitivities such as dairy or gluten. What if you are living on a very low fixed income and are doing everything you can to manage your finances.

I confess that I am living with all those conditions and more. Sometimes I feel burned out. Taking care of myself is a full time job. There are days when I just want to quit the job and find a better one that is more fun. If only that were possible…hahaha…. By the time I take care of myself, my finances, and my home I have very little reserves left for other things.

So what I am learning in this process?

  • I am learning to be very grateful for my body that carries me through life relatively pain free rather than bemoaning it.
  • I am learning to be grateful for the amazing care team of doctors who monitor my health conditions and help me to stay on track. So many of my friends who are in similar situations are not so lucky.
  • I am being reminded that if I want to have fun I need to find it in the process of my daily living
  • I am looking to find a hobby that I can do at home on a tight budget that is fun for me to do
  • I am learning to do things slowly and steadily until everything is taken care of
  • I am learning to keep reaching out to my friends and staying in contact with my family
  • I am learning that taking a day off to just rest and restore from time to time is good self care
  • I am learning that having a Spiritual practice really helps me stay focused and present in the now
  • I am learning to laugh at and with myself more when I hear myself whining or complaining and to give myself more love

So dear readers whether you are a caregiver for someone else or for yourself or both, take time out to be grateful and kind to yourself. Learn to laugh at the antics of your wounded self and to love yourself even more because you are so worth it. If you are aware of a senior living alone take a minute to check in on them from time to time. Just knowing that someone is thinking about you can make all the difference.

Have a great day!

Posted on by Beth 4

If Ever There Was…..

If ever there was a time in my life to feel unhinged now would be it.  I have been through so much and seen so much adversity in my life that it seems almost impossible to imagine feeling so unhinged at this time when things are so settled for me.  Still I am feeling it.  

There is so much evidence to show how hope is lacking in this world right now. I need to feel it and find it for myself.  We are plagued with messages of despair that are seen around the world.  Yet in and amongst all that rhetoric there is hidden the undeniable truth that love is greater than fear.

This Sunday I heard our minister preach on the story of Ruth and Naomi showing us how in the thrust of such an unfriendly and unfathomable prejudice against women and against foreigners there was a love so deep that nothing could separate them.  I believe that we are moving through a time of such huge divisiveness that we can hardly find that centre point.  I want to trust that the love we have for ourselves will translate into love of neighbour.  I want to trust that the love of God can carry us all through this time of great debate and ultimately learn through diversity.  Still my hope and trust is being challenged in ways I have no answers for.  Where is that middle point?  How do we rise above the terror and tension we are feeling these days to see the bigger picture and envision a brighter future.  

My own personal anxiety has been escalating over the past several days without warning or any particular thoughts going through my mind.   Still my heart is feeling it and I know it is the collective thrust of anger that is driving it.  Anger that is really a cover up for fear of what is coming next.  We are all, in this part of the world where I live, hanging on the edge of what is about to be a world altering event — the election in the United States.  Never in my lifetime do I remember being so fearful about what is happening so close to home.  I am also so sad that we can not have open and honest conversations about our own perspectives and being able to hear those who share a different perspective without feeling divided and separated from one another.  There is this us and them mentality that is permeating the air we breathe and even if we step away and isolate ourselves it is still there.  As a sensitive soul I feel it regardless and it is unearthing so much confusion and steadfast fear of the otherness that I am not able to embrace it with it love.  It is like a black cloud is hovering over me.  I am stuck on the fence trying to stay neutral. Yet I am falling off from time to time and losing my grip on reality.

If ever there was a time when prayer and quiet were needed now is it.  I need to feel that deep abiding love that transcends all else and can bring me back to my own love and light in this world.  I want to light candles and give the world a huge hug.  I want to remind myself and others that we are not alone in this and that no matter our spiritual expression there is hope that we can live on and trust in the greater good of all humankind.

My mind is so confused right now about the turmoil in the middle east and the fight for a greater good in the Ukraine.  There is so much fighting and waring happening in places I know not of and yet I feel it in my heart.  Please God take this pain and hurt that we are inflicting upon each other and ultimately upon ourselves and transform it with us and for us.  

If ever there was a time when we need to reach out to one another and give thanks for our relationship now is the time.  We need to hold each others hands and keep on moving forward.  We need to stand with each other and hold up the sky with kindness and compassion for ourselves and one another no matter our differences, no matter our fears, there is something much greater at work here and when we tap into that we can hold the space together.

Our children’s future is at stake here and we can not let them down.  Our grandchildren came into this world with their own bright lights and are here to remind us that life on earth is precious and not to be squandered away on divisiveness.  We can take different roads and have different ways of finding our way home.  We can do it together and alone.  Whatever road or way we choose let us be understanding and seek peace within our differences.  Let us be examples to the upcoming generation of how to live with one another in the Global Community we currently reside in.  Let us live the message of hope and continue to share with one another the gift of life giving peace that passes all understanding by loving each other.  May we find Joy again in the living of our hope and may we know within ourselves that which transcends the human world and takes us to the soul world where we are all one with each other.

May it be so!

Posted on by Beth 0

Earth Angels: Spreading Love and Peace in a Chaotic World

Calling All Angels

From the time I was a little girl I have had a fascination with angels.  I watched so many movies about angels and always loved the idea that there are angels out there somewhere looking out for us.  When my daughter was born my son picked out a beautiful Angel tree topper to put on our Christmas tree because his sister was born just six days before Christmas.  We lovingly referred to her as our Christmas Angel.  The tree topper was always the last thing to go on our Christmas tree each year.   Somehow having that angel looking out from the top the tree always made me feel good like she was a part of us.

I used to have a whole collection of little angels that sat on the windowsill in my apartment in Victoria, BC. Some were made of pottery, others were china and there was one little one that was actually a place card holder made of stainless steel with a brass halo.  I think two of them were salt and pepper shakers.  I can’t quite remember. Often I imagined each of the little angels had their own personality and I would talk with them. As with so many of my things, they were passed on to others when I made the move from BC to Ontario. The Angel that hung on my door came with me though.  Her name is Agnes. She comes out every year at Christmas to welcome people into my home.   I think my daughter still has the Christmas Angel tree topper.

Moving into my elder years I have developed a deeper appreciation for the angelic realm.  I know now that angels really do exist because I have encountered them.  Some of us even know people who we believe to be “Earth Angels” or angels who have come to Earth to help spread love and peace in a very chaotic world.

Regardless of whether you believe in angels or not I have no doubt you have had an experience of someone, an acquaintance or total stranger perhaps, who has offered you a special kindness that you were not expecting and left you feeling touched in a truly meaningful way.

These encounters are not always big moments. Perhaps someone whose path you crossed just took a moment to look you in the eye and smile at you as they passed by, wishing you a good day.  Somehow that moment made an otherwise tough day better and you felt seen and deeply touched to your core.  Has that ever happened to you?

I remember being at the grocery store one day and the woman behind me paid for my groceries, just because. As far as I know, she had no way of knowing that I only had a little bit of money and was hoping it was enough to cover the cost.  I had picked everything carefully and added up the cost before heading to the check out.  Perhaps I looked anxious as the cashier rang everything in, I don’t know.  For all intents and purposes I could have been just fine to pay for my own groceries and yet she decided to do a good deed for another human being that day and I just happened to be on the receiving end.   Was she an Earth Angel?  I don’t know.  Did she read my mind?  Again, I don’t know still I felt blessed.

What I do know for sure is there are people who make it their mission in life to spread love and offer peace to their fellow human beings and if that makes them an angel then so be it.  Either way it is a wonderful experience to be in their company and be on the receiving end of their generosity.

For me being kind and generous is a way of loving and offering the peace that passes all understanding to the world around me.  I trust that where there is compassion love follows.  We can all be more mindful of the beings around us and be more present to their goodness even if we have to look a little deeper sometimes.  

So wherever you are right now, dear reader I am curious to know if you have had experiences with angels or perhaps you are one yourself.   Feel free to tell me about it in the comments below if you would like to.  Thank you for reading and considering the possibility of Angels among us.  Have a great day.

Posted on by Beth 4

Thriving in Senior Years: Embracing Life’s Challenges with Resilience and Love

This summer I have had a renewed faith in life.  I have crossed over a threshold.   While entering a new decade I have grown more in tune with my own inner guidance system.   That gives me reason to be open to what is unfolding for me and trusting that no matter what transpires I am up for it.

My faith and belief in a higher power has provided me with a deep knowing and wisdom that comes from living life each day without fear and giving into the love that is present in and around me.

Questioning My Purpose

There have been times, many times, in my life when I have questioned the purpose and reason for my being here.  Once my children had grown and left the nest and my work life was over I could see very little value in the every day things that made up my life.  In fact it seemed to me to be a chore just to live and that was more of a burden than a gift.

My income has been well below the poverty line most of my life and that has had a huge impact on my world view.  As a woman with a limited education and living with a hearing impairment since my early twenties, I have had to work very hard to keep my head above water.  I have been brave, innovative and adventurous in ways even I marvel at sometimes.  Still I have always been doing what I could to simply survive rather than thrive.

Finding a New Perspective

In my sixties I began to look at life through a different lens and started asking myself important questions about where I could best insert myself so that my years of life experience could be put to good use.   I wanted all that I have lived through to count for something and to offer something to those I met along the way.  I wanted to be the example of what a sense of hope and resilience can look like, knowing  only comes from living through those tough experiences.  I started talking more about my experiences to close friends and even my family.  I stopped holding back and keeping my thoughts to myself.  I shared what I had been through and what I was currently living with.  Then others started sharing with me what they experienced and so the stories unfolded page by page.

Talking to God

I have been on a spiritual journey my entire life.  From a very young age I would talk with God and ask for help and pose questions about things I did not understand. God was never an old man in the sky to me.  God was a part of me that I knew and trusted was somehow connected to something bigger and wiser and knew more than I ever could.  I found I could connect to that power just by closing my eyes and breathing and listening for that still small voice or by talking out loud to whatever I knew that power to be. God didn’t always speak to me in words or in a male voice. I often heard her speak as a woman  especially when I was older. Sometimes I simply had a physical sensation that came over my whole body or a feeling of deep and abiding love that gave me reason to trust all is well no matter how bad things seemed.  My faith in that sometimes overwhelming feeling got me through some very scary times.  My heart got broken sometimes and I made many some bad decisions that cost me dearly along the way, still through it all I knew I was never alone.

Accepting the Changes in My Body

Now I have stepped quietly into the next decade of my seventies and that has given way to some really challenging and unexpected revelations.  Some of my body functions are diminishing and my physical strength is weaker than it was even a few months ago.  I was recently asked by someone older and wiser than me, and who I have a great deal of respect for, whether I choose to push on and through the changes or whether I choose to simply accept them and adjust my life accordingly.

That is a really good question and one I need to sit with because I don’t think there is a simple one answer fits all to the question.  There are some things I know for sure.  I am not an exercise person so going to a class to gain more physical strength is something I choose to avoid.  I choose to get up and move around, to dance to the music that is playing on my bluetooth speaker and walk with my friends and grandchildren.  That is how I keep up my physical strength.  If that is not enough then I will accept that my muscles are getting weaker and adjust myself accordingly.

Pushing Through the Challenges

I used to love cooking and preparing food for myself.  I never liked the clean up part though.  Still I did both because that was the only way I could afford to eat and nourish myself.  Now I live in a tiny studio apartment with a very small kitchen so I have come to accept that food preparation and clean up are both more challenging.  Sometimes I choose to push through this one and find easier ways of preparing my foods.  I no longer make big meals which require lots of dishes to wash and put away.  Simple one dish meals are my go to.  I don’t own a microwave so sometimes I eat leftovers cold.  They taste just as good and there is only one dish to wash.  My food budget does not go as far as it used to, as so many of us are experiencing, still there are times I choose to eat out because I just want someone to serve me.  Accepting that and allowing myself that little bit of luxury now and again has made such a difference in how I feel about nourishing myself.  I haven’t reached the tea and toast stage yet though I can see how that happens.   Fortunately, many of my friends are in the same position so we spend time together enjoying a light meal and each others company.  We encourage each other to just keep on keeping on.  Food security is a huge problem among seniors these days.  Fortunately there are some programs to help us out.

Aging Consciously

These past few months have given me lots to ponder and look at through the lens of Aging Consciously.  Those of my generation are aging and many are doing it in the same way we have lived our lives up until now.  We have been self aware and conscious of the the ways in which we interact in the world so why would any of that change just because we are getting older.  There are so many books written about this very subject and so many memoirs are being written to give meaning to our lives.  We are reading them because we want to see how others have lived and are aging as well as to see ourselves in the mirror of those pages.

Not everyone is cut out to be a writer or an artist or playwright or filmmaker.  Still most of us are cut out to be an audience of such creative endeavours.  I for one am thrilled when I come across a good story about older people especially older women who are finding meaning and purpose in life long into their later years.  It gives me hope for my own future.  As well I think it shows the world that growing older does not mean we have to give up on life.  Our worlds may get smaller as we lose our independence and our minds may get more confused still we are alive and our hearts are pumping blood through our veins.   That must mean we are here for a reason.   Maybe our purpose is to give someone else a reason to care for a fellow human being.  None of us really knows or maybe some us do.  Perhaps the older I get the clearer that will become.

What I am learning is that we may not know our reason or purpose for being here and it doesn’t really matter because we are here and that means we need to simply enjoy even the most mundane things in life.  We are here as a testament of a life lived through decades of change and sometimes struggle and those who really see us can bear witness to that fact, even total strangers.   

Love has brought us into this world and Love will take us out when it is time.  For now though what  I know for sure is LIFE IS WORTH LIVING everyday.

Posted on by Beth 5

The Value of Lifelong Friendships: Cherishing Old and New Bonds

This past month I have had the great pleasure of meeting up with some dear friends I have known most of my life. One woman was my best friend all through elementary school. She lived just around the corner from me and we went to the same church. We sang in the girls choir together and went skiing almost every weekend in the winter with her mother. We made memories that lasted a lifetime and have watched each other grow up and move through life. We don’t see each other often and when we do it is easy and seamless. We just pick up where we left off.

Another friend and I also met in public school. We share memories and similar life experiences of growing up in the same public school and having mutual friends. We lost touch with one another for several years and then reconnected on FaceBook. It was such a thrill to meet up and discover that the friendship and connection was still there. This past weekend I met her in Toronto and we had a great conversation about family and how we now interact with our grown up children. We talked about living in Toronto in the “good old days” when we knew all the artistic venues. We share a love of art.

I also met up with a friend in Toronto who I have known since my teen years when I dated his brother. We have been connected ever since. We have a lot in common and share many family stories and history together. We have grown up and grown older through the years and seen each other go through many life changes. We have stayed in touch and loved each other through it all. He knows my children and that gives me a warm feeling in my heart because I know how much he cares about me and them. We sat on a bench by the waterfront and just chatting with one another watching the boats go by. It was so nice to be able to “just be” together without any particular agenda.

I realized today that there is a lot of value in having friends who have known you most of your life. You know they know you in ways that newer friends don’t. We have been witness to the struggles of each others lives as well as the many joys and celebrations. We have shared with each other the deep dark secrets that live in our hearts and that we only trust with a select few.

I have had an adventurous life moving around to various places throughout the country. Still somehow via internet and yes sometimes snail mail and telephone, I have managed to stay in touch with many friends across this land. I am blessed with a community of support that offer me much in the way of good memories, lots of laughter and the making of new memories.

I value all my friends, new and old, and am so grateful for the connection we have. I love being part of their lives and also having them in mine. We form a circle of trust that offers us all a bond of loving friendship that not everyone is privileged to have. I don’t take any of it for granted and do my best to stay in touch with as many of them as possible as often as I can.

So dear readers I hope you find yourself in a circle of trusted friends who know and love you just the way you are. Friends you can laugh with and cry with when you need to. Friends who will hold your hand and give you the support and encouragement you need. Most importantly may you be that kind of friend for others and in the end know how to be your own best friend.

Posted on by Beth 1

We are the Sum of All Our Parts

I look around the room and what do I see?  An unmade bed, clothes piled on the chair and draped over the bench.  Dishes in the sink and scattered around the room, dirty clothes sorted and piled on the floor waiting to be laundered and Teddy bears on the chair.  

If I didn’t know better I would presume that I had walked into the room of an adolescent.  The truth is though it is my own studio apartment I am looking at and I am almost seventy!  I am living with my adolescent self at the moment.  She is very rebellious and creative as well as moody at times.  She wants nothing more than to avoid housework. When growing up she was used to having her mother do it for her and so is not motivated to look after it herself.  

At the same time, she is very creative.  She loves to write and play with art materials.  She loves putting together outfits that are stylish and comfortable.  She also loves spending time with friends and sharing some good food.  One of my favourite things to do as a teenager was go to the local restaurant after school with my friends and order a Coke with a plate of French fries and gravy.  I found myself drawn into a diner a few weeks ago and placed that very order.  It was so satisfying.  

What in the world has brought this young part of me out again? I like her in so many ways, still my mother self needs her to clean up the place and bring order back into my life.  Mothering myself is a good way to use my energy in a positive way.  I need good mother messages right now.  I can remember my mother often commenting on how nice I looked when she picked me up from work or how much she liked the way I decorated my home when she came to visit after I was married.

As fun as it can be to live with my adolescent it is not good for her to be in charge all the time.  I am best to stay present as the older woman I am and keep my life moving forward in the most positive ways possible. Then again maybe the older one is having fun just letting go of all the responsibilities for now and having the freedom to be sloppy and carefree. I will eventually clean up because truthfully I feel better when everything is clean and orderly.  So for now here’s to allowing all the many parts of ourselves to shine in their own light.  We are the sum of all our parts.

Posted on by Beth 4