The Fall Equinox is the second day in the year when the balance between light and dark is equal. It is the official change in seasons from summer to fall. The the days will get shorter and the nights longer. I for one always look forward to this time of year. I decided that I am really not a summer person. The fire energy of the sun is too much for me at times and the high temperatures together with the intense humidity do me in every year and even more so as I get older. Fall on the other hand revives my energy and gives me pause to reflect on the long growing season of life and now the days of harvest before the time of hibernation.

Last fall we were all experiencing the first season of isolation and shutdown due to the pandemic. Then winter hit and we were all forced inside hoping things would change and we would be able to get out and see each other again, enjoy a good meal, a concert or gather in each others homes. It never really happened and I for one was ok with it, choosing instead to embrace the time of solitude and delve deep into my own heart listening to the voice that was speaking from the place of wisdom within. I kept a small bubble of friends and family who I was able to see on a regular basis and that seemed to be enough.

At the beginning of September this year, I ventured out into the big city and attended some public art exhibitions. I enjoyed walks along the waterfront in Toronto and visits in outdoor cafes with friends and family. I felt alive in a new way. Perhaps it was because this time the connections meant so much to me. We had been separated for so long and now have a deeper appreciation for what we had been through, both on our own and together as a generation of folks who were struggling to keep family connections going. Many of those connections got lost and perhaps they may have anyway due to age and stage of life. I don’t know. Right now I am so grateful for the heart to heart connections I have with biological family and family of choice.

Last week I suddenly hit a wall as my body began to bark back at me that I needed to move more. I was in a great deal of pain from an injury to my right knee and so I was resting and not walking much. The more I sat the worse the pain got. Knowing that there is often an emotional root cause to physical pain I decided to explore for myself what that may be. After a time of reflection I realized that I was resisting stepping forward into my life. There was something that I wanted to do and was not sure it was possible and so resisted the urge to just do it and let things fall into place. I am missing my family who live in Berlin, Germany. I have a two granddaughters there — one who is eleven years old and one who is four years old. I have yet to meet the four year old. I want to hop on a plane and go there. I want to gather them up in my arms and feel their arms around me. I know there are so many grandmothers and grandfathers out there who are feeling this same longing and grieving the loss of watching their young ones grow up. We have the advantage of technology and yet it is hard to find time and space to connect even with that so we must move forward in new ways.

I also realized that the fall is a time of letting go, of preparing to go into the dark. I personally love the dark and am very at home there. Still the pandemic has made the time of isolation feel different somehow. Soon the outside patios and events will be replaced with inside ones and the opportunities to gather together in safe ways will be less. I have been wondering how to meet this time of going within in a new way, with renewed enthusiasm. The part of me that needs social interactions and conversation with other people is worried that I will suffer the same lonely days and nights as I did last winter. Still the hopeful part of me is looking at other ways of connecting with people that will work for me. I am hoping that the friends and family I have been seeing this summer and fall will continue to be in my social circle and we will find more to do and talk about together.

We are all looking to one another to make this time mean something more than just a “wait and see” period of life. I am part of a generation of seekers. People who have always sought that which gives substance to what seems to be ordinary everyday things. There are many authors writing about the aging process from the “boomers” perspective. I am currently reading Thomas Moore’s book “The Ageless Soul” and Carol Osbourne’s book “The Making of an Old Soul”. Both talk about the stages of aging and what opens up and what we let go of. I am in what many refer to the “autumn” years or stage of life. I am in the process of letting go of old dreams, ways of being and thinking, and even beliefs about myself and life that no long ring true for me. I trust that whatever is coming next is both exciting and challenging because that is life in a nutshell and never stops being that way until it ends.

I am grateful for the change in seasons and also for the fire in my belly that still burn and fills my world with the vibrant colours that enlighten what is new and calling for my attention. I wish for you, dear reader, a time to enjoy the change in seasons and to be part of natures transition in ways fill your heart with wonder. Till next time……..