I am in my seventies now and I encounter a lot of people who admit they are living with some degree of hearing impairment as I am. Many have chosen to get hearing aids to help them manage conversations better. Others get along without the use of any form of aid. They choose this option mostly because they are not ready, not because they could not benefit from them. Others have tried them and just don’t like them for various reasons. If you are one of the lucky ones who has exceptional hearing then I am happy for you. Your ears and brain are still functioning at the top of your game.

Hearing loss is most often gradual and for some of us that means the people around us usually notice before we do that we are not hearing as well as we used to. We gradually learn to adapt by lip reading or other methods of communication. So we think we are doing fine. The truth is most of us are not. We are just working harder than we need to and are exhausting our nervous systems in the process. Living alone we often don’t notice that the tv or radio is on louder than it used to be. Even when we live with someone we blame them for mumbling or talking at us from another room.

Early Diagnosis

I have been hard of hearing since I was eighteen years old. The doctor told me then I had the hearing of someone in their sixties. It has been gradually getting worse since then. I got my first pair of hearing aids when I was twenty-two. Thus began my life long journey of learning how to adapt and hear and communicate in a world that is not user friendly for the hard of hearing. Loud noises or even music playing in the background can interfere with how hard someone has to work to listen. I must say though that technology has really improved over the decades and I am doing better now than I did in my thirties even though I hear less.

I have had years to study how the loss of hearing can affect my ability to socialize. For years I did not go to the movies because I missed too much of the dialogue and the background sound effects are too loud. I only went to foreign films with sub-titles. Now there is a device some theatres offer called Rearview Captioning that you can borrow. It goes in the cup holder and shows the subtitles under the screen. It works great. Now I can go to movies again.

When watching television I always have the closed captioning on or I don’t watch it at all. I lived without a television for more than ten years. I also avoided large gatherings of people for a long time because it was too hard to hear when I engaged in conversation. Sometimes I would go but would then sit quietly by myself just observing what was happening around me and usually people didn’t seem to notice. So even though I was out and about and trying to socialize with my friends or engage in the world, I often felt isolated and alone in the crowd. Eventually I made sure I did more one on one activities because that was easier for me to manage.

Ways We Adapt

What I have observed recently is how well I have adapted by learning all sorts of responses to give when I don’t really understand what someone has said to me without cutting off the conversation. I might say something like “that’s interesting or right or that makes sense….” The other person carries on talking assuming I am understanding them and I just sit quietly and “listen” as hard as I can to what they are saying hoping I will understand enough and have something equally as engaging to share when it is my turn to speak.

This is a learned behaviour that has developed over a long period of time. Listening is really hard work for someone with a hearing impairment, and sometimes we just don’t have the energy or ability to focus that long. So we learn to fake it or isolate ourselves so we don’t have to and that can get lonely. Most of us take longer to process information so long periods of silence in between sharing information is so helpful. In todays world though I have noticed that silence makes people uncomfortable. So they try to fill it up by talking more.

My granddaughter asked me a few months ago “Nana why do you say ‘right’ so much when I am talking to you?” That was the first time I was aware I was doing it and at the time I didn’t know why I did. So after observing my behaviour I came to realize it was because I didn’t understand everything she was saying to me still I wanted to acknowledge her. I have learned over the years that most people do not like having to repeat themselves if you let them know you did not understand what they said. Often they will just say “never mind it’s not important” which cuts the conversation short and leaves the listener feeling left out.

Challenges Along the Way

Many people speak very quickly and often cover their mouths with their hands or turn their face so the listener can’t see them. Children have higher pitched voices and talk quickly going from one subject to another which often makes it hard to follow. I have tried my best to remind my grandchildren to face me when they talk with me and also to speak more slowly so I can understand everything they say because what they tell me is important to me. I did the same with my children when they were growing up. The truth is I am the one doing most of the adapting. Most of my friends and even my family have a hard time remembering I am hearing impaired. My own mother told me once I never think about it. You always do so well. Yes I do and it is very hard work sometimes.

Like most things in life change is gradual as we get older. Our bodies slow down and we learn to take things at a steady pace. Many of my friends who now have the experience of not understanding or hearing as well as they were used to are saying to me “how did you do it for all those years?”. I tell them that is a very good question. The answer is I learned to listen with my whole self – not just my ears. I developed a keen sense of observation and learned to put things in context so I could fill in the gaps. I also developed my intuition so that I could figure out what someone was talking about. I am a good listener and I listen a lot to other people. My heart is always open so what I don’t understand with my head I can feel in my heart and I respond as best I can.

The Gift of Silence and Solitude

Some of my closest companions over the years have been authors of books that I have read. When I find myself alone, not ready to venture out into the world I choose to be quiet at home with a good book. It is often one written by someone and about something I can relate to. It helps me feel connected and not so isolated and alone. I refer to my books as my friends because the words that they contain offer solace to my soul when I need it most.

I found myself wanting to pull back more and more these past few months and I wrote about it recently. What I was noticing was that my hearing was getting worse and I was more and more tired after I was in a group setting. I saw my audiologist today and she confirmed for me what I had suspected. I have lost more hearing. So she adjusted my hearing aids and hopefully that will help improved things for me when it comes to understanding and taking part in social activities. Still I am aware that the fatigue is a side affect of hearing impairment and I must take time out in silence to restore my energy and not over task my nervous system.

If you can relate to any of what I am sharing here then I encourage you to take time to regroup and if you haven’t already done so get your hearing checked. Taking care of our bodies so that we can live a rich and vibrant life is key to our well being.